bird

Figuring out how to tell the people around me I'm gay. I shouldn't be saying this when I'm still drunk but I f*****g love it when my whole battalion goes through me like a dose of the salts, leaving my arsehole like a clowns pocket.

slipped a disc in my back, i wanted to hit the beach with the dogs

How many times have we all said, "I'm starving, I could eat a horse" Now we're all f*****g moaning about it!

on the beer tonight .. probs should unplug the pc ... lmao

I do admire the talent of lance armstrong . When i was doing drugs i couldn't even find my fecking bike .

I got talking to a girl in the pub last night and, after a while, she giggled and said 'I like playing with toys at night, if you know what I mean'. I smiled, nodded and said 'We can go back to my place, I might have the sort of toys you'd enjoy'. Long story short, she thinks Scalextric is shit.

Why is it bull x pups are so dam brain dead?

A highways agency warning said anyone travelling in icy conditions should take a shovel, blankets, sleeping bag, extra clothing, including a scarf, hat, gloves, 24 hour supply of food and drink, de-icer, rock salt, torch, tow rope, petrol can, first aid kit and jump leads. I looked a right twat on the bus this morning.

Steptoe and Son Christmas special is on on Gold+1 @10.05!

i went to my local afro-caribbean barbers today a nd the shutters were down with spray paint on them saying "niggers out" thought to myself, thats a little over the top, why dont they just have "back in 5mins" like normal people

the empty house across the rds fecking burgler alarm has been going off all night. safe to say im tired and pissed off

Husband takes the wife to a disco. There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large - break dancing, moon-walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!

down to hancocks today my pal picked up his 1stx beardie greyhound pup

A boy comes home from school at 7pm, His dad says "where were you?” "I was with Jessica." He replied. "What were you doing?" "We were studying." After picking a snack off the table the son says "These fishcakes are lovely." Dad replies "Wash your hands son; they're f*****g donuts."

HI ALL ,MY ELDEST SON WHOS 14 AS GOT HIMSELF A SULUKI COLLIE GREYHOUND PUP ,THE DOG IS 7MONTHS OLD ,I TAKE HIM OUT WITH ME WORKING DOGS , HES A BIT DISHEARTENED WITH THE DOG COZ HE SAID IT NOT SHOWIN MUCH INTEREST ,I TOLD HIM TO DO A FEW THINGS TO TRY N BRING THE DOG ON ,BUT IVE ALSO TOLD HIM ITS A YOUNG DOG AND TO GIVE IT TIME ,DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY IDEAS TO HELP BRING THE PUP ON ,OR WILL IT JUST COME OUT NATURALLY IN THE DOG ?

HI ALL ,MY ELDEST SON WHOS 14 AS GOT HIMSELF A SULUKI COLLIE GREYHOUND PUP ,THE DOG IS 7MONTHS OLD ,I TAKE HIM OUT WITH ME WORKING DOGS , HES A BIT DISHEARTENED WITH THE DOG COZ HE SAID IT NOT SHOWIN MUCH INTEREST ,I TOLD HIM TO DO A FEW THINGS TO TRY N BRING THE DOG ON ,BUT IVE ALSO TOLD HIM ITS A YOUNG DOG AND TO GIVE IT TIME ,DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY IDEAS TO HELP BRING THE PUP ON ,OR WILL IT JUST COME OUT NATURALLY IN THE DOG ?

tired getting to old for nocturnal excursions.....

here lies the body of rosey lee died the age of 103 for odd years she kept her virginty hot a bad record for this vacinity.

Wonder if i sleep in a miracle grow bag at night would i get any taller..........

just got some new permission,a couple of shoots owned by an mp,very nice indeed

just cant bloody sleep tonight. looking forward to nailing some cotton tails tomorow evening though

glad i,m back in this country lol class time in landzortie but i just wanted 2 get back and get with the dogs

Having some serious recall problems with my pup,n e ideas

Just been watching the ladies beach volley ball and there has already been a bad wrist injury, I should be ok by the morning though...

well thats giving up smoking out the window ohh well always next week