nans pat 2,575 Posted July 11, 2016 Report Share Posted July 11, 2016 cushty jack died and went up to heaven, st peter was waiting at the gates and says to cushty wait there till i get the boss and see if your getting in. when he came back the pearly gates was missing. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
peterhunter86 8,627 Posted July 18, 2016 Report Share Posted July 18, 2016 A man was shot dead in desert breds shop today police say it was rug related 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lurcherman 887 12,685 Posted July 18, 2016 Report Share Posted July 18, 2016 Haha Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lurcherman 887 12,685 Posted July 18, 2016 Report Share Posted July 18, 2016 A man was shot dead in desert breds shop today police say it was rug related When the police got there they tryed to naan him down but he wouldnt have none of it 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 7,542 Posted July 18, 2016 Report Share Posted July 18, 2016 Irish weather forecast. https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjMnsSWg_7NAhWnJ8AKHW0UD9IQyCkIIDAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DtCfv1cUFAug&usg=AFQjCNGPZOh6mB73mgZ0BIXAHeYxtgiuWw 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BGD 6,385 Posted July 18, 2016 Report Share Posted July 18, 2016 Irish weather forecast. https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjMnsSWg_7NAhWnJ8AKHW0UD9IQyCkIIDAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DtCfv1cUFAug&usg=AFQjCNGPZOh6mB73mgZ0BIXAHeYxtgiuWw Fecking brilliant 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nans pat 2,575 Posted July 18, 2016 Report Share Posted July 18, 2016 a catholic priest is shot and rushed to hospital . on the way to theatre he whispers to the nurse am i in heaven. the nurse replied no sir. were just cutting through the childrens ward. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
peterhunter86 8,627 Posted July 18, 2016 Report Share Posted July 18, 2016 a catholic priest is shot and rushed to hospital . on the way to theatre he whispers to the nurse am i in heaven. the nurse replied no sir. were just cutting through the childrens ward. Pmsl i spilt me beer you prick Quote Link to post Share on other sites
neil cooney 10,415 Posted July 19, 2016 Report Share Posted July 19, 2016 Why don't professional boxers have sex before a fight ? Because they don't like each other. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The one 8,397 Posted July 19, 2016 Report Share Posted July 19, 2016 An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems..'Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd like ya ta teyk a look, if ya woot'.So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.'Incredible', he says, 'there is a £20 note lodged up here.'Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a £10 note appears.'This is amazing!' exclaims the Doctor. ''What do you want me to do?''Well fur gadness sake teyk it out, man!' shrieks the patient.The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc..... Finally the last bill comes out and no more appear.'Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter. Just out of interest, how moch was in dare den?'The Doctor counts the pile of cash and says '£1,990 exactly.' 'Ah, dat'd be roit,'' says the Irishman 'I knew I wasn't feeling two grand.' 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nans pat 2,575 Posted July 19, 2016 Report Share Posted July 19, 2016 a plane is going down fast,the pilot gets on the intercom, we need to off load passengers the only fair way to do this is by alphabeticall order. so we will start with a,africans any africans on board..silence ok,black people..silence.. c.coloured people..still silence.... a little black boy down the back turns to his mum and sez mom,aint we african.aint we black.aint we coloured..yes sez mom but for the purpose of this exersise we is wogs let dem muslims go first. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hawki 1,429 Posted July 23, 2016 Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 The wife told me I was no longer romantic, so I booked a table for the two of us on her birthday. Problem was she's shite at snooker 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 7,542 Posted July 24, 2016 Report Share Posted July 24, 2016 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Flipper_Al 1,012 Posted July 26, 2016 Report Share Posted July 26, 2016 She hates it when i call her that jokes.......... Got a card this morning from Moonpig..... she hates it when i call her that Whet to see an old house with period features............ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smithie 2,429 Posted July 26, 2016 Report Share Posted July 26, 2016 Two fortune tellers sat around chatting and one says to the other "going to be a hot summer this time around" "yes it reminds me of the summer of 2088" replied his friend Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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