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To long to fit on the status,so done a thread put funny jokes up,here's one to start off

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign

hanging over the bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $ 1.50

Chicken Sandwich: $ 2.50

Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment,

he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the

three exceptionally attractive blondes serving

drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile,

"Can I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the man, "Are

you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "Indeed I am."

The man replies, "Well wash your damn

hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

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A rich man and a poor man meet just before Christmas every year to discuss what they got their wives for Christmas

 

The poor man asks the rich man what he got his wife for Christmas , the rich man replies

 

"I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes . If she doesn't like the diamond ring she can always drive around in the Mercedes "

 

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" I got her a new iron and a dildo , if she doesn't like the iron she can go f**k herself "

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"An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy ... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times"...

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SUBJECT: FW: Regimental choice

>

> >>

> > >>

> > >>

> > >> A Scottish Soldier, in

> > >> full dress uniform, marches

> > >> into a pharmacy.

> > >>

> > >> Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded

> > >> cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square

> > >> handkerchief, which he also unfolds - to reveal a condom.

> > >>

> > >> The condom has a number of patches on it.

> > >>

> > >> The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.

> > >>

> > >> "How much to repair it?' The Scot asks the chemist.

> > >>

> > >> "Six pence" says the chemist.

> > >>

> > >> "How much for a new one?"

> > >>

> > >> "Ten pence" says the chemist.

> > >>

> > >> The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square

> > >> handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his

> > >> sporran, and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt

> > >> swinging.

> > >>

> > >> A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up

> > >> outside, followed by an even greater shout.

> > >>

> > >> The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemist’s and addresses

> > >> the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.

> > >>

> > >> "The regiment has taken a vote," he says.

> > >> We'll have a new one."

> > >

>

>

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