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smithie

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Everything posted by smithie

  1. smithie
    My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset ---- I shall be home before midnight. When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table: My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty abo
  2. smithie
    A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head - which could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.' Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. 'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times an
  3. smithie
    A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes. The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened. The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's' teeth in by mistake and he couldn't
  4. smithie
    A bloke calls his mate, the horse breeder, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse. His mate asks, 'How will I recognize him?' 'That's easy; he's a dwarf with a speech impediment.' So, the dwarf shows up, and the breeder asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse. 'A female horth.' So he shows him a prized filly. 'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?' So the breeder picks up the dwarf and he gives the horse's eyes the once over. 'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?' So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears. 'Nith earzth, can I t
  5. smithie
    Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman
  6. smithie
    she just routed cable for her elcectric blanket that way so it dont get in the way.. i was looking for a face
  7. smithie
    17 people wasting there time on this thread lol
  8. smithie
    you got double vision or im blind
  9. smithie
    i got the garret ace but yet to find time to use it.. i will this winter at some point
  10. smithie
    http://youtu.be/lSIw09oqsYo
  11. smithie
    its a few month ago now ( june/july) but it was a friday night, dark and very little wind. i decided to get the battries on charge as i was going out to fill the boot . phoned 2 farmers in north yorks telling them i would be on (their keepered). truth is i did not expect to get on both lots of land but you never know how the night will pan out. pulling up to the farm and i could see the tractor cutting the grass why i cant be told that when i phoned ill never know but hey ho it is what it is. still light so i poped off to set the sights as im a bad shot anyway so i need the gun set correct
  12. smithie
    i should of said in original post that this wasnt a recent event. i just cut/paste it to here as it makes me smile and i thought i would share
  13. smithie
    as the title says this thread is about the first time i was out on my own. i was shown how to net by mr wilks and normaly we work as a team but this particular night i was going solo for the first time, and i was more than a we bit nervous. mr wilks was not out for one reason or another so i just had to wait until i thought the time was right to go. dark week, black night and a we bit of drizzle. idealy a sw wind would do the job but i got south on this particular night and i wasn't complaining. unfortuantly as the night ticked away the rain was getting heavier and the wind was strong but i
  14. smithie
    get your self on vauxhall zafira owners forum, guarenteed to be full of nerds waiting for a damsil in distress.. you will have to do lol
  15. smithie

    Films

    smithie replied to the big chief's topic in General Talk

    http://putlocker.is/watch-donnie-brasco-online-free-putlocker.html
  16. smithie
    he was some man i would be on the dole cos i could not have done that
  17. smithie
    1. smithie

      smithie

      lol lands bad this way but I like to think a bit flatter than that

    2. air gun ant

      air gun ant

      lol been years since ive seen that

    3. Mr Wilkes

      Mr Wilkes

      I mean the killer bunnys...lol

    4. Show next comments  195 more
  18. smithie
    it is in the top thread of the longnet section. informative posts have a link in there so they can be found easily
  19. smithie
    try this http://www.abebooks.co.uk/Tales-Derby-Poacher-Tom-Gwinnutt-Breedon/8010121781/bd will get it cheaper if you look hard enough
  20. smithie
    first time i have seen that got a bit of an obsession developing for paloma faith
  21. smithie
    started with airgun and ferreting, stopped keeping ferrets but go when i get an invite and started on long nets.. come the weekend its shotgun over ferrets
  22. smithie
    over eating... i have practiced for some time now and i think i have it down to a fine art i also mig, tig, stick weld and braze but not shit hot.. but i get by
  23. smithie
    if he was gud he would have gone up the steepest not the second lol
  24. smithie
    if you wait for perfect conditions there might be no rabbits left by the time you get out..
  25. smithie
    lfc to win 3-2
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