j1985 1,983 Posted June 20, 2015 Report Share Posted June 20, 2015 She could eat an apple through a letter box is the one I know, always made me laugh Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Chicken_man 1,651 Posted June 20, 2015 Report Share Posted June 20, 2015 You've left a marmite motorway in that toilet :-) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Brewman 1,190 Posted June 20, 2015 Report Share Posted June 20, 2015 If someone asks if I'm warm reply - Sweating like a whore in a church Someone thinks they're buff reply - Seen more muscles on the beach If someone's useless then I'll be telling them they are - As much use as tits on a boar Or Sweating like a priest in a toyshop, my ma goes fcuken nuts of I use that one lol. Referring to skinny fella who thinks he big, I've seen more meat on a butcher's pencil/apron etc As mad as a box of frogs You may as well be pissing in the wind That's like tying to push water up a hill. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Francie 6,362 Posted June 20, 2015 Report Share Posted June 20, 2015 When younger, lads use to slag the girls by saying,,,how's your Ming for blackheads, I know terrible lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MoChara 1,600 Posted June 20, 2015 Report Share Posted June 20, 2015 One I use only when I mean it .... I'm going to rearrange your face 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
j1985 1,983 Posted June 20, 2015 Report Share Posted June 20, 2015 "Her pussy was wetter than a spastics chin" Ffs that's wrong but funny ? 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,568 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2015 He/she has a face like a bag of spanners.. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,568 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) My mam used to say I had muscles like knots in cotton..... Edited June 20, 2015 by Blackbriar Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,568 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2015 My mam still says she's "seen more fat on a sparrow's kneecap..." Baffles me, that one ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MoChara 1,600 Posted June 20, 2015 Report Share Posted June 20, 2015 Face like a dog licking piss off a nettle More chins than a Chinese phone book Bad I know but.... She's had more hands up her than sooty Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mattyg 1,862 Posted June 20, 2015 Report Share Posted June 20, 2015 When describing a lady who wasn't blessed in the looks department from the night befor..... "She had a face like a trod on chip" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Seeker 3,048 Posted June 20, 2015 Report Share Posted June 20, 2015 Fit as a butchers dog where's mom? "She's run off with a black man" What's for tea? "Shit with sugar on" "I've heard ducks fart before" meaning you don't believe someone "Either shit or get off the pot" meaning either do it or move and let me "he's that tight when he drops 50p it hits him on the back of his neck" "He's got Champagne lips but lemonade pockets" meaning he thinks he's flash "You're all same you young uns men at night and boys in morning" my dad when I woke up with a hangover 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
peterhunter86 8,627 Posted June 20, 2015 Report Share Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) When describing a lady who wasn't blessed in the looks department from the night befor..... "She had a face like a trod on chip" She has a face like a monkey's arse turned inside out Edited June 20, 2015 by peterhunter86 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MoChara 1,600 Posted June 20, 2015 Report Share Posted June 20, 2015 Fit as a butchers dog where's mom? "She's run off with a black man" What's for tea? "Shit with sugar on" "I've heard ducks fart before" meaning you don't believe someone "Either shit or get off the pot" meaning either do it or move and let me "he's that tight when he drops 50p it hits him on the back of his neck" "He's got Champagne lips but lemonade pockets" meaning he thinks he's flash "You're all same you young uns men at night and boys in morning" my dad when I woke up with a hangover i know one similar lol Champagne taste with a flat beer pocket Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jacknife 2,005 Posted June 20, 2015 Report Share Posted June 20, 2015 "Her pussy was wetter than a spastics chin" Ffs that's wrong but funny ? Never heard that one but I like it 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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