big sid 1,122 Posted March 12 Report Share Posted March 12 some fussy people on here when your as poor and as ugly as me any hole's a goal 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gnasher16 29,684 Posted March 12 Report Share Posted March 12 1 hour ago, THE STIFFMEISTER said: Oh don’t even start obviously the car keys live on the side of the couch and the bank card on the mirror shelf in the en-suite bathroom , where else would they live ? these mysteries also align with “have we got any cat food ? “ or making the f***ing bed or fake eyelashes on every f***ing surface in the house , or mascara on the carpet , or standing on a pair of eyebrow tweezers or not putting a bag in the bin and finding it full of empty st tropez spray tins . Does my canister in , feel like max from wolf of Wall Street for the first hour I get back in from work . Womens hygiene is just a mystery to me at times,my ol woman is immaculate in every way.....yet the other day i caught her using my electric toothbrush...." what do you think you're doing thats my one " i says......" my one's packed up i just thought id use yours "........" yeah but sharing a toothbrush is f****n mingin whats wrong with you " i says......." well i have a lot worse of your bodily fluids than that in my mouth what difference does it make " she says.......must admit i didnt really have an answer 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gnasher16 29,684 Posted March 12 Report Share Posted March 12 1 hour ago, lurcherman 887 said: To heavy handed mate, you need to calm down and take your time, it’s only a defenceless bag. Nah to begin with i was gentle,patient and respectful ......but at some point you just gotta show these things who's boss......they wont try that shit with me again 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WILF 44,408 Posted March 12 Report Share Posted March 12 29 minutes ago, gnasher16 said: Womens hygiene is just a mystery to me at times,my ol woman is immaculate in every way.....yet the other day i caught her using my electric toothbrush...." what do you think you're doing thats my one " i says......" my one's packed up i just thought id use yours "........" yeah but sharing a toothbrush is f****n mingin whats wrong with you " i says......." well i have a lot worse of your bodily fluids than that in my mouth what difference does it make " she says.......must admit i didnt really have an answer Bang !!!……cop for that ! Lol 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Leo Sayer 1,718 Posted March 12 Report Share Posted March 12 2 hours ago, mackem said: Used to love Phoenix Nights, proper northern humour lol 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
twobob 1,458 Posted March 13 Report Share Posted March 13 On 11/03/2024 at 06:52, Arry said: The One's I call 40's drive 40mph in a 70 limit and 40 in a 30 limit. Cheers Arry Had one of them this morning 40 in a60 50 ina 40 whats wrong with em arry be facked if i know 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Qbgrey 3,989 Posted March 13 Report Share Posted March 13 1 hour ago, twobob said: Had one of them this morning 40 in a60 50 ina 40 whats wrong with em arry be facked if i know If you can work them out you will be richer than bill gates and more intelligent than Stephen hawkings laptop 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
eastcoast 3,734 Posted March 13 Report Share Posted March 13 On 09/03/2024 at 22:25, THE STIFFMEISTER said: Taylor swift rated as a feminist icon , absolute slosh pot , been shoved more times than a Chinese fire door sick to death of her average fizzock staring out from every nfl game highlights, over celebrating her fellas every touch . Boring middle of the road bint who if it wasnt for her pushy parents would be sat in the tills in walmart in middle of butt f**k nowhere . bang average Her angst ridden songs of failed puppy love ain't exactly up there with Nina Simone or Billy Holiday but I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating biscuits. Would make her lick up all the crumbs though. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
eastcoast 3,734 Posted 7 hours ago Report Share Posted 7 hours ago People emerging from hibernation and rather than watch another box set decide to take their stir crazy dogs for a walk off the lead, or go for a "run" passing so close by that you can smell their sweat or God forbid get a particle of it splashed on your own skin that burns as though acid, or play out on their bicycles and expect everyone to shift out of the way. My fault, not theirs, I need to move. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ditchman 1,564 Posted 7 hours ago Report Share Posted 7 hours ago going to the smelly public toilets on market day ...standing next to some old drunken fart in the stalls who is vigourously shaking his flacid dick to knock the drops off ...then you feel some of the warm piss drops on the back of your hand and god knows where else dirty old drunken sods 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mel b 1,131 Posted 6 hours ago Report Share Posted 6 hours ago 1 hour ago, ditchman said: going to the smelly public toilets on market day ...standing next to some old drunken fart in the stalls who is vigourously shaking his flacid dick to knock the drops off ...then you feel some of the warm piss drops on the back of your hand and god knows where else dirty old drunken sods You paint such a wonderful picture Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ditchman 1,564 Posted 5 hours ago Report Share Posted 5 hours ago 55 minutes ago, mel b said: You paint such a wonderful picture its bloody rank.............some bloke standing next to me ......he had just crawled out of the pub.....he could bearly stand up....and to knock the drops off....i shit you not ....he thought he was cracking a bloody whip..... f**k i backed off quick...it was going everywhere.....i always make sure that there is at least one empty stall either side of me now.... talk about golden showers eggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mushroom 12,399 Posted 5 hours ago Report Share Posted 5 hours ago On 10/03/2024 at 23:09, shaaark said: c**ts that steal food from your plate, maybe a chip, for example, and think it's OK and funny to be a 'cheeky chappie'!!! PRICKS!!! Stuck a fork into a good mates hand for that faux pas Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mushroom 12,399 Posted 5 hours ago Report Share Posted 5 hours ago On 11/03/2024 at 00:49, gnasher16 said: Mental case women in their 40's/50's who you havent seen for a while that walk into a boozer greeting you with a big kiss and hug having just had f**k knows how much £££'s worth of facelift/surgery/lip pumping shit that has made them look like an out of space alien......expecting you to carry on like nothings happened and copping the hump when you say " what the f**k have you done to yourself you lunatic " For some reason this just made me think of that Only Fools episode where Rodders gets accused of groping that bint who turned out to be Del's mental ex Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mushroom 12,399 Posted 4 hours ago Report Share Posted 4 hours ago On 12/03/2024 at 12:44, THE STIFFMEISTER said: Oh don’t even start obviously the car keys live on the side of the couch and the bank card on the mirror shelf in the en-suite bathroom , where else would they live ? these mysteries also align with “have we got any cat food ? “ or making the f***ing bed or fake eyelashes on every f***ing surface in the house , or mascara on the carpet , or standing on a pair of eyebrow tweezers or not putting a bag in the bin and finding it full of empty st tropez spray tins . Does my canister in , feel like max from wolf of Wall Street for the first hour I get back in from work . Fuucking hairpins/bobbypins all over the fecking shop. Woke up with one stuck in-between my toes the other morning, jumped out of bed BEFORE I realised.... and all she could say was "I've been looking for that" as I'm hopping around the bedroom swearing in languages I don't even speak. Bobbles is another.. The mrs leaves them anywhere she wants to, which then leads the cat to believe they now belong to her... so she shreds the fuuck out of them and leaves bits of bobble everywhere. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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