mushroom 12,391 Posted May 18, 2018 Report Share Posted May 18, 2018 I've got loads of embarrassing moments Went out an the lash with my ex years ago (think I was 22) my mum and dad came over to stay that night and watch the youngest. Well me mam has a dickie back, so I let them use our bed with the good mattress and we would sleep in the spare room...... Magine my horror waking up the next morning, in bed, next to me mam and dad, not my Mrs.... stark bollock naked Me mam just looked at me with this look she gives when she's pissed off and said "morning" Felt up a girl from behind in a supermarket here once, thinking it was my Mrs.... it wasn't 1 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
peterhunter86 8,627 Posted May 18, 2018 Report Share Posted May 18, 2018 I remember year's ago I had my horse tied on the green outside my mate's House,and when I came out to put it back on the cart I was walking towards it with my hand out when two bird's walked out of a house across the road all dolled up for a night out and I took my eyes off the horse to have a look at them the horse kicked my hand an I gave myself a slap in the face and they burst out laughing, I didn't know where to look. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
steve66 3,086 Posted May 18, 2018 Report Share Posted May 18, 2018 Mrs recently went into B&Ms and asked a shop assistant if he had fatballs , I was in the background pmsl he was bright red and couldn't keep a straight face when she realised what she said , she said er er for the birds lol made my day lol 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lurcherman 887 12,679 Posted May 18, 2018 Report Share Posted May 18, 2018 Shit meself at work once couldnt hold it in. Never exsperienced cramps like it lol 1 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Astanley 11,467 Posted May 19, 2018 Report Share Posted May 19, 2018 Went to meet a fella to buy a dog once ,it was awkward to find his house so he gave me the name of a pub ,and when I got there I could phone him and he would walk down and meet me ,so I phoned him .... Him on phone ..Can you see me yet ? Me ..no ..what do you look like ? Him ..tall ,with cropped hair . Me ..no not yet ,I can see a skinny packie with glasses ,looks a bit noncy ,are you anywhere near him Him ...(,pause ) that's me 1 2 12 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
blackmaggie 3,375 Posted May 19, 2018 Report Share Posted May 19, 2018 I remember when I first got married to my first wife her mum hated me anyway one Friday I finished early rushed home jumped in the shower then i heard the dog bark as I got out and then I heard the footsteps on the stairs thinking it was my Mrs I jumped out bollock naked and said get them off only to see her mum stone face looking at me bright red I said sorry she looked at me and said i bet not half as much as my daughter and you don't need two hands trust me a finger or a clover lead would do Irish bitch 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
socks 32,253 Posted May 19, 2018 Report Share Posted May 19, 2018 The story is to long to write out but basically I was on a tour and had fukcing piles from hell so got an admin bird to patch me through to the doc who was a spot on fella .... anyway the link comes in all crackly so I just ramble on telling the doc how my pants look like a used tampon as my coconut sized piles are bleeding me to death and every time I walk I feel like Leroy is smashing my back door in with his 12 inch horse cock ... when I finish my rant there's a long pause before I hear this is the admin section and your speaking to capt Katie Henderson 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Astanley 11,467 Posted May 19, 2018 Report Share Posted May 19, 2018 22 minutes ago, socks said: The story is to long to write out but basically I was on a tour and had fukcing piles from hell so got an admin bird to patch me through to the doc who was a spot on fella .... anyway the link comes in all crackly so I just ramble on telling the doc how my pants look like a used tampon as my coconut sized piles are bleeding me to death and every time I walk I feel like Leroy is smashing my back door in with his 12 inch horse cock ... when I finish my rant there's a long pause before I hear this is the admin section and your speaking to capt Katie Henderson Like reading Jane Austin . 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
scothunter 12,609 Posted May 20, 2018 Report Share Posted May 20, 2018 Told this before but it worthy of repeating. Years ago stopped off @service station with a mate to get a breakfast. As I paid for it bought those wee packet of digestive biscuits the 3pack. Only table available was one with a lorry driver sat at it. Mate and me sat down munched our breakie I was reading the paper waiting on my mate finishing his tea. The f***ing next thing this lorry driver reaches over lifts the pack f digestives opens them and takes a biscuit. I thought what a f***ing cheek! But said f**k all just kept reading paper. 5mins later he takes another one out pack and dunking it in his tea. By this This time mate had finished and was lifting his tray to take it to counter "you ready aye" he says. Lifts my tray but not before reaching over and snatching the last remaining biscuit and stuffed it in my mouth in front of lorry driver. Says to my mate cheeky b*****d taxing my biscuits. Never even noticed says my mate. So goes outside walking to the car goes into my pocket for my fags and pulls out the unopened packet of biscuits lol 1 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jiggy 3,207 Posted May 20, 2018 Report Share Posted May 20, 2018 On 18/05/2018 at 12:37, mushroom said: In Feb I was in Berlin on a biz trip..... stayed in a five star hotel, spa, 14th floor bar etc....the works. Decided to go into the spa thinking hey up a bit of relax... Didn't realise it was completely naked only, didn't realise it was mixed sexes and didn't realise I should have shaved my balls. Everyone was so smooth I think everyone else should of been embarrassed because you were the only man there Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mushroom 12,391 Posted May 20, 2018 Report Share Posted May 20, 2018 3 hours ago, jiggy said: I think everyone else should of been embarrassed because you were the only man there Mate I wasn't.... it was filled with fit birds and lumpy men I even went in with my ex (works for the same company). Man that was a bit awkward.. coz she's gorgeous and she just sat there in the steam room, with her legs pulled up and that wee shaved gash and chocolate star peeping through One of my bosses walked in, and just sat in the Jacuzzi with me and starts chatting away.... like we were sat in a bar and he's just joined my table! Germans are weird but I have to admit, I liked it 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
socks 32,253 Posted May 20, 2018 Report Share Posted May 20, 2018 14 hours ago, Astanley said: Like reading Jane Austin . Did she have piles aswel ??? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Astanley 11,467 Posted May 20, 2018 Report Share Posted May 20, 2018 27 minutes ago, socks said: Did she have piles aswel ??? If she did ,that's the way she would of described them . 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WILF 44,322 Posted May 20, 2018 Report Share Posted May 20, 2018 Another one was on this site. There was a bloke used to come on here and do all these really bizarre, nonsensical football predictions and tactical analysis type posts. Talking about non existent rivalry’s between clubs that had no type of bond whatsoever. He would make up all these fantasy’s about players and managers the club he follows should employ even though they ain’t got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. I used to feel really sorry for the poor sod because everyone just made fun of him. 1 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Astanley 11,467 Posted May 20, 2018 Report Share Posted May 20, 2018 1 minute ago, WILF said: Another one was on this site. There was a bloke used to come on here and do all these really bizarre, nonsensical football predictions and tactical analysis type posts. Talking about non existent rivalry’s between clubs that had no type of bond whatsoever. He would make up all these fantasy’s about players and managers the club he follows should employ even though they ain’t got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. I used to feel really sorry for the poor sod because everyone just made fun of him. Yeah I remember him ,good old gnasher 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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