Funny Or Bad Situtions .................

[neems 2,406]

Me and a mate were coming home sharing a taxi with 2 mancs that my mate knew,I was in the back my mate in the front and these 2 lads next to me.

 

Just before we got there,the taxi drivers said £40 (it was a long drive) so I gave my £10,my cousin gave his and one of these lads next to me woke the other one who was pissed out of his face up and said 'its £20 quid each for the taxi',his mate gave him £20,he waited a second and said 'come on,£20 for the taxi',he only had £10 and said to his mate lend me £10 and I'll pay you back tomorrow lol.

 

So lad lent over to my mate and said 'if you tell him I'll f***ing kill you','and if you te him i'll kill you'pointing at me,'and if you tell him I'll kill you' pointing at the taxi driver in the mirror.

 

The taxi driver slammed on,none of us wearing seat belts throwing us all over the place,got out opened the other side door and started trying to drag this lad out shouting 'your gonna kill me,eh?'.

 

I grabbed a 20 out of the lads hand while he was trying to push the taxi driver off him,got out the other side,got my mate out and walked the rest of the way.

 

Never found out what became of those 2.

[RubyTex 1,957]

Funny or bad situations....my dad walking in on me hanging out the back of a lass?? Probably the worst.

 

Other times include pulling a bird and having no where to take her...to the park says I??? Ended up trying to bang her over a tree stump what a calamity that was, don't think I even got it in there in my defence it was freezing lol

 

Another time pulled a 30 year old with massive tits and she was all over me. Got the green light to go back to my mates house and was in the spare room banging her several times...well after two or three times all that comes out of your cock is dust so you need to recharge...oh no, this lass wanted it time after time trying to suck me off and it just wasn't happening so went in a huff...good says I and she goes to sleep. Get up the next morning and I have to take her home and end up bumping into my mates parents, luckily nothing said

 

Another time banging a girlfriend in the back of my Nissan Micra in a secluded recreational area, the going is good, then a f***ing dog walker just walks on by at midnight or whatever it was making eye contact with an auld woman and her Shitzu is no good when you're balls deep in fadge

 

In fact most of my sexual encounters have been funny or just f***ing embarrassing!

[trenchfoot 4,243]

I thought this was funny or bad situations, not clear your conscience on sexual mis adventures!

 

Ended up with a lass on a night out, go back to her place at the nursing home, she is a nurse, not a pensioner! Once she is warmed up she is going like a privy door when the plagues in town. I'm impressing myself with my performance, and after a couple of hours there is still lead in the pencil, but he ink still won't come out. This lass takes it as a challenge to finish me off, probably cos her fanny looks like a couple of slices of battered liver, so she goes down on me like a tramp on chimps. Being a nurse she has no problem with going for the " power button" at the same time, but I did. A night full of booze and a curry was laying in wait for the poor wee lassie. As I finally came, I let go completely. Filled her face with come and her palm with shit. She was quite understanding about it until I went to cuddle her for her efforts, when she demanded we both have a shower

[albert64 1,882]

Funny or bad situations....my dad walking in on me hanging out the back of a lass?? Probably the worst.

 

Other times include pulling a bird and having no where to take her...to the park says I??? Ended up trying to bang her over a tree stump what a calamity that was, don't think I even got it in there in my defence it was freezing lol

 

Another time pulled a 30 year old with massive tits and she was all over me. Got the green light to go back to my mates house and was in the spare room banging her several times...well after two or three times all that comes out of your cock is dust so you need to recharge...oh no, this lass wanted it time after time trying to suck me off and it just wasn't happening so went in a huff...good says I and she goes to sleep. Get up the next morning and I have to take her home and end up bumping into my mates parents, luckily nothing said

 

Another time banging a girlfriend in the back of my Nissan Micra in a secluded recreational area, the going is good, then a f*****g dog walker just walks on by at midnight or whatever it was making eye contact with an auld woman and her Shitzu is no good when you're balls deep in fadge

 

In fact most of my sexual encounters have been funny or just f*****g embarrassing!

 

lying b*stard.........

[keepdiggin 9,566]

I'm calling bullshit on rubytex hahaa

[RubyTex 1,957]

Contrary to popular belief on here i'm no virgin so believe what you want lads

[NEWKID 28,703]

Contrary to popular belief on here i'm no virgin so believe what you want lads

 

Yeah mate we believe you.......... Lol

[northern lad 2,292]

I thought this was funny or bad situations, not clear your conscience on sexual mis adventures!

 

Ended up with a lass on a night out, go back to her place at the nursing home, she is a nurse, not a pensioner! Once she is warmed up she is going like a privy door when the plagues in town. I'm impressing myself with my performance, and after a couple of hours there is still lead in the pencil, but he ink still won't come out. This lass takes it as a challenge to finish me off, probably cos her fanny looks like a couple of slices of battered liver, so she goes down on me like a tramp on chimps. Being a nurse she has no problem with going for the " power button" at the same time, but I did. A night full of booze and a curry was laying in wait for the poor wee lassie. As I finally came, I let go completely. Filled her face with come and her palm with shit. She was quite understanding about it until I went to cuddle her for her efforts, when she demanded we both have a shower

out of likes...

[Qbgrey 4,282]

me and me mate at a dodgy car auction in the late 8os,anyway thiers this unusally clean mk2 granny with full leather,im thinking this motors going to be over a grand,my mates only got 400 notes on him,and hes all over this granny looking way excited,off i goes to the toilet and when i come out my mates throwing his arm up like his at a fat boy slim beach party,i goes over and the hammer goes down at 400 notes,he turns to me shouting get in thier,i bought it,i says you aint that grannys coming up now,you bought this..............a yugo van......i was pissing meself,and the head gasket went on the way home

[mushroom 14,105]

Few months ago here at one of the Maccie D's one night after a sesh with the mrs and a friend I managed to fuuck up my order by asking for a pussy Ice cream and a dick with cheese pmsl

 

Cono de helado - Ice cream cone, coño de helado - Pussy ice cream.

 

Pollo con queso - Chicken with cheese, Polla con queso - Dick with cheese

 

So pretty fuucking similar if you ask me :laugh:

[mushroom 14,105]

1999 went to CreamFields with a mate who I used to have a long standing fuckabout with, basically both of us have scars and shit from seeking vengence on each other at some point usually involving hot lighters

 

Anyway so we jumps in his sisters red Yugo to make the journey, as we pulled up at some traffic lights and I'm giving Roy shit for the car ffs a Yugo going to Creamfields at this point I'm pulling the sunvisor down and out drops this bloody spider. I can't stand the things but Roy is proper petrified of them so I did what any decent mate would do... I threw it at him with the obligortary screaming and flailing about off pops his foot off the clutch, woosh lurches the car forward into the car infront

Well I was in hysterics laughing my ass off at this point saying what did you hit that car for etc. Then these two bloody hot birds jump out of the car going mad etc and all poor Roy could get out was "he threw a spider at me" which had me creasing more than ever :laugh:

[dytkos 17,945]

Got several, a lot involving being at The Waterloo Cup but I'll start with a tame one

Late eighties, mod revival and I'm on a coach with a load of lads and lasses from our area 30 miles away

at Blackpool Mecca (anyone remember the soul nights at the Rose Room?) Anyway I was suited up in my charity shop two tone suit and managed to pull a cracking local bird.

 

She introduces me to her sister and mates and turns out her sis's fella was the local "face" LOL

Come the end of the night we're round the back of the club getting "aquainted" and then me, beaming like a Cheshire cat

goes round the front to get on our coach to find her sisters chap and all his mates having a big tear up with my mates, trying to smash the coach up and all FFS.

 

Had to make the decision what to do? Oh well, Blackpools a shithole anyway so I piled in, got a hammering and my £5 suit trashed. The relationship didn't go any further

 

Cheers, D.

[haymin 2,465]

Mind I was in the passengers seat of my friends fish van we came to a junction he said is there anything coming I said no its clear lol he pull oot and a car smashed into the side o the van pmsl . About a week later we where in his car and there was a smell in it ,I said what's that smell he said that ,smell it and pointed to an air freshener on the dash do I went forward smelt it and he slammed on the breaks WHST a dint it gave me nose lol pishing o blood lol

[baw 4,360]

In my late teens sitting in the mates house, his wife's away to the bingo. There's 4 of us drinking wreck the hoose juice and smoking playing Mario kart lol. Anyhow, we are well on when his wife returns from the bingo with a pal I'd never seen before. She wasn't fat but a big lass with the biggest tits I'd ever seen, f***ing huge. They were bursting out of this snugly fitted blouse she was wearing. Her face looked like a well skelped arse but as I say the tits were huge lol. Anyhow in she comes all shy, sits on the single seat with the mates wife while we're taking up the couch. I gives the mate a nudge letting him know I was gonna start ripping the pish. So I gives her my best chat up line.... Some tits on ya she starts laughing.... She's no top front teeth, f**k all, nothing. Alls fine, I'm rolling one, never noticed the mate move over, just feels this huge tit nestled at my elbow. I continue building giving her tits a friendly nudge, giving her the patter, fucksake some weight in them puppies. She's loving it, mates are all giggling. She gets up, goes into the kitchen with the mates wife, while she's gone I'm saying to the mates, holy f**k, what a howler. The mates wife shouts me into the kitchen, can you walk Natalie home, it's dark. The stupid bitch stays a street away but being a gentleman I said aye no worries and throw the mates the joint to spark up. So they open the back door, I said, ain't we going out the front? No, go out the back way. To put you in the picture the back of there house led to waste land.... Alarm bells were ringing but it was too late, they were blocking me getting back in the house. I'm thinking, this howlers a skank and married, they c**ts have all my dope. I make a break for it, manage to get past them, back into the house, they come charging behind, I makes a grab for the coffee table leg just as the grab me. Ones got a grip of my foot, the others yanking my waist, all the while the mates are pissing themselves laughing. I could hardly hold on but it wouldn't matter, the b*****d of so called mates prised my hands free and waved as I was huckled out the back door. We came to this high fence, she wanted to stop, I wanted to die but I thought f**k it, get into those tits anyway, don't kiss her or nothing, so I did. She's giving it, you can cum in me if you want, I know how not to get pregnant, I'm thinking aye, so do I, it's staying where it is. This went on till I got bored, I made out I could hear her husband shouting and made my escape

[haymin 2,465]

She wanted to stop I wanted yo die pmsl lol cracken