Blackbriar

I've just bought a couple of asylum seekers. Apparently they fell off the back of a lorry !

I've just got back from the holiday of a lifetime.Never again!

If I were to say to you, can you keep a secret ?

If Islam is the answer,how stupid was the question ?

In number 69 there lives a transvestite....

In the time of chimpanzees, I was a monkey.......

It's about time that bearded ba5tard who has abused this country for years was deported. I've always hated Noel Edmonds#

It's just gone noon,half-past monsoon,on the banks of the river Nile........

It's true that 'once you've had black,you'll never go back'. I got engaged to a black girl and now my family have disowned me !!

Just back from a week's fishing . Not so much as a bite ! Why do I bother ??

Just been to my first Muslim birthday party.Musical chairs was a bit slow, but pass the parcel was REALLY quick !

just booked a table for two for the wife's birthday. It's bound to end in tears, though - she's crap at snooker!

Libraries gave us power...........

Little mummy's boy, he wasn't very old......

Liverpool's manager has promise dthat the team will have a place in a major European competition next year - even if he has to write the song himself !

More than230 people died in the Pakistan earthquake last night. The smell of the bodies is said to be "appalling" - and it will only get worse now they're dead !

Mulched and pressed 12lb of blackberries for the first batch of autumn wine. Kitchen looks like Jack the Ripper's been let loose

My son's teacher phoned today and said "Your son sprayed 'All Muslims are cnuts' " on the school gates. I said I didn't believe her, but she said "I saw him do it - you know what this means,don't you?". I said "Of course - it means I owe him a tenner!"

My uncle Jack was a hypnotist...WHO...DID...NOT...TOUCH...ME...WHEN...I...WAS...A...KID...

My wife said I should get our son ready for his first day at school - so Ipunched him in the face and took his lunch money!

My wife says I'm obsessed with revenge. We'll see about that !

My wife thinks I'm nosey - at least that's what she wrote in her diary AND texted to all her mates !

On the first part of the journey, I was looking at all the life...........

PC World - have to watch what you say in there !!

Peace and quiet,no more ranting - I'm off fishing for a bit. See you next week lads and ladettes !