Poignant Question

[welshphil 242]

1 minute ago, mushroom said:

I wouldn't ask her too mate.

Yep, but would you need to ask? I can only comment regarding my own Mam and I know there's nothing I could say that would keep her away. Obviously i'm not privvy to the strength of your relationship though 

[jukel123 9,499]

They say you have succeeded as a parent when your kids are living an independent life. I'm probably the  same age or thereabouts as your mother. The very last thing I would want would be for my son to give up his life and career to look after me. That would be a nightmare scenario to me. I've had nine tenths of my life, I wouldn't want to end it by ruining his.

In a sense the mum you knew has gone. What remains is a shell. Somebody who looks like your mum but may not even recognise you. Her essence has gone.

Parents look after children, not the other way round.  That's a natural law. I remember my granny coming to live with us. She had dementia and incontinence. The house revolved around her and smelt of piss. It produced a lot off strain on the whole family. It's not as though she benefited in anyway. She could have been anywhere. It was a noble idea to take her in, but crap all round, literally, for the rest of us. 

Out of eight boys I was the mummy's boy. We got on really well. I don't remember her ever doing anything but her best for me. She thought the sun shone out of my backside. I thought the world of her. But I could never, or would ever,  have given up  my life to look after her. I had responsibilities to my own children and wife.

Just see her as much as possible is my six pence worth.

I know what you mean by  missing the wind and the rain. But, believe me, you can get sick of that too.

Edited yesterday at 19:42 by jukel123

[Halfhound 366]

Only one thing you can do in a situation like yours in my opinion and that’s follow what your gut tells you everyone will have a different view you’ll know what’s best for you 

[WILF 50,737]

55 minutes ago, jukel123 said:

She had dementia and incontinence. The house revolved around her and smelt of piss. 

Ahhh……magical memory’s mate ! 

[Lenmcharristar 10,331]

Put it like this, your mum could be entering the final stages of her life, there will come a day when youd want to see her, hear her voice again, the comfort from the mothers bosom that comforted you as a child and shes not here because she has passed, go home and enjoy the time you have left with her show her the love and admiration you have for her because when shes not here youll miss her terribly. You can go back to spain after  and pick up again, personally thats what id do, without hesitation

[jukel123 9,499]

5 minutes ago, WILF said:

Ahhh……magical memory’s mate ! 

Oh and her forever falling out of bed and having to be lifted back whilst she spectacularly moaned and screamed  and sometimes cursed you.

I'm calling Seagull when the time comes. He has a solution.

[tank34 2,583]

8 hours ago, mushroom said:

I'm sat here on a beach, sun, heat etc.. just spoke with my mum (cerebral palsy all her life and now dementia). I woke up this morning craving home! The countryside, the rain everything... I've a very good life here and don't want to fuuck that up but...

Does it make sense to go home and take care of her even though she has everything she needs (family, help etc). 

Feel free to ask questions but keep the thread honest please.

 

Go see your mum spend couple weeks with her before she don't remember you , time don't stop for know one go before it's to late an you regret not going home 

[tatsblisters 10,994]

It's a tough call and like others have said it's a decision that will be solely down to you. Though I know from experience when the father in law had a bad stroke and was wheelchair bound and couldn't talk till he passed away 18 months later from having the stroke had a huge impact on our family as my two daughters and the wife helped with most of his care as they wouldn't put him in residential care and all the happy memories of a loving grandfather and father did wane when their last memories of him was cleaning him up and feeding him and just watching him sat there staring into space or shouting go go the only words he could say 

I wish you the best whatever you decide 

 

[Bendigo 1,093]

Lots to think about pal with the answers you have already been given so I won't add anymore. 

If you do come back it would be good to meet you though and you will be more than welcome to join us on the fylde coast for a days shooting and we can have a few pints. 

All the best with whatever you decide 

[mel b 3,825]

I can only speak from my own experience mush .

I deeply regret not spending more time with my mom and dad while they were alive . My sister looked after them both very well , and they wanted for nothing , so I just carried on living my life . I'd give everything I've ever owned to turn back the clock.

[Qbgrey 4,367]

It’s a tricky one, I left a. Country after 10 years to come back to see my old man out, did what I could, atleast I done my bit and the others can’t say I just stayed away and did nt help.  ( my brother done that) lived away done nothing to help. I would come back regularly to see your mum and keep your place in Spain. It’s only a short flight so not exactly that difficult. When your mums gone that’s when you may feel guilty. I never left my dad’s side, I could nt bear the thought he would pass away on his own. 

[WILF 50,737]

Let’s have it right, in reality unless you are sat by someone’s bedside day and night then your popping in a few hours weekends and maybe a couple of hours in the week…..you can go and have a full weekend from Spain any time you want and it’s better quality because you’re at f**k all else. 

Yes, airports are f***ing howling, yes getting lifts or car hire sorted is a pain in the arse, yes air travel wrecks you but for actual time spent it’s unbeatable.

I brought my mum over with me when I came, ironed out ten grand getting her sorted and set up in a place of her own on my little farm…..she stayed 12 weeks and f****d off ! 
Nothing I can do about it, her choice…..but she is 94 now and I have a little lad to home school so I can’t just bat off any time I want and to be fair, I f***ing hate my old area now anyway….its depressing as f**k ! 
I’ve done everything for her since I was 12 years old so I don’t feel in the least bit bad that I don’t get to see her……I didn’t make that choice and I have my own family to look out for that she could have been around all the time but chose not to. 
When I pop over which is rare now, it’s lovely seeing her but truth be told I can’t sit there all day with her, she drives me f***ing spare ! lol 

[WataWalloper 3,843]

9 minutes ago, WILF said:

Let’s have it right, in reality unless you are sat by someone’s bedside day and night then your popping in a few hours weekends and maybe a couple of hours in the week…..you can go and have a full weekend from Spain any time you want and it’s better quality because you’re at f**k all else. 

Yes, airports are f***ing howling, yes getting lifts or car hire sorted is a pain in the arse, yes air travel wrecks you but for actual time spent it’s unbeatable.

I brought my mum over with me when I came, ironed out ten grand getting her sorted and set up in a place of her own on my little farm…..she stayed 12 weeks and f****d off ! 
Nothing I can do about it, her choice…..but she is 94 now and I have a little lad to home school so I can’t just bat off any time I want and to be fair, I f***ing hate my old area now anyway….its depressing as f**k ! 
I’ve done everything for her since I was 12 years old so I don’t feel in the least bit bad that I don’t get to see her……I didn’t make that choice and I have my own family to look out for that she could have been around all the time but chose not to. 
When I pop over which is rare now, it’s lovely seeing her but truth be told I can’t sit there all day with her, she drives me f***ing spare ! lol 

In both my cases, my granny an my ma we knew they where both terminal an knew it was coming, so I was in a position to be able to put me life on hold both times for a bit, so said fcuk it I’ll do it, glad I did even tho it near broke me watching it happen bedside, other family members weren’t in sane position sn I don’t hold it against anybody, it’s what we done for them in life that important imho, cos death comes so swift an out the blue more times than not but like I say we knew time was coming an I decided to hang about an say bye, even tho I prob done more for both them whilst they alive then anybody else

Edited 9 hours ago by WataWalloper

[eastcoast 4,576]

My two penneth, something said to me and my sisters by a brother-in-law under slightly different circumstances "is this what your mam and dad would have wanted you to be doing? "

Edited 6 hours ago by eastcoast
removed text after ?

[Greyman 32,156]

Reading all this I’m glad I never had that parent child relationship good luck mush whatever you decide and despite all these opinions it is only you can make the call