Depression

[Stoney100 1,179]

1 minute ago, iworkwhippets said:

id like to think that's untrue mate, I poured my heart out to complete strangers on this site, half expecting most of em to tell me man the f**k up or summat. how wrong I was, people inviting me down theres, people willing to drive up mine just to hold my hand. im awfully depressed and lonely at the moment, but I wouldn't be a decent human being if I wasn't , at the moment, I would pay the devil to come share a cup of tea with me, no one comes here except the stroke team

I seen that mate and I’m glad you seen the good side of this site.....no one was going to tell you to man up over such a horrible event, that’s a different level to what I’m talking about.....sorry again for your loss 

[Daniel cain 42,884]

46 minutes ago, Stoney100 said:

Words are words.....actions are actions.....I can guarantee nobody on here really gives a f**k about anyone they don’t know with depression more than they do if they had cancer.......you dont have to have depressed people on speed dial to prove how much you care

I've met some tidy lads off here over the yrs... Who have scratched my back so I scratch theirsI don't know about you but I'm on a 2 hr drive to Pembroke Dock to collect a terrier for a cockney lad who sorts me my digging.... Will kennel it tonight and then drive 3 hrs after work tomorrow to drop it off to him..... If he or anyone else I know from on here needed my help, I would do what I can to help them out..... I'm only a phone call, message away... Years ago I never gave a f**k for no cnut.... Growing up, stepping up to being a father and main provider changed all that for me..... I finally grew a heart and realise it don't hurt to care about others instead of being wrapped up in your own bubble.... We all got problems..... Only difference is some of us just get on with it and soldier on

There's no needed for the bitterness imo. ... Life is way to short...... Your along time dead.... 

 

 

 

[shaaark 10,133]

3 minutes ago, Daniel cain said:

I've met some tidy lads off here over the yrs... Who have scratched my back so I scratch theirsI don't know about you but I'm on a 2 hr drive to Pembroke Dock to collect a terrier for a cockney lad who sorts me my digging.... Will kennel it tonight and then drive 3 hrs after work tomorrow to drop it off to him..... If he or anyone else I know from on here needed my help, I would do what I can to help them out..... I'm only a phone call, message away... Years ago I never gave a f**k for no cnut.... Growing up, stepping up to being a father and main provider changed all that for me..... I finally grew a heart and realise it don't hurt to care about others instead of being wrapped up in your own bubble.... We all got problems..... Only difference is some of us just get on with it and soldier on

There's no needed for the bitterness imo. ... Life is way to short...... Your along time dead.... 

 

 

 

Pretty sage post that d c

[Stoney100 1,179]

7 minutes ago, Daniel cain said:

I've met some tidy lads off here over the yrs... Who have scratched my back so I scratch theirsI don't know about you but I'm on a 2 hr drive to Pembroke Dock to collect a terrier for a cockney lad who sorts me my digging.... Will kennel it tonight and then drive 3 hrs after work tomorrow to drop it off to him..... If he or anyone else I know from on here needed my help, I would do what I can to help them out..... I'm only a phone call, message away... Years ago I never gave a f**k for no cnut.... Growing up, stepping up to being a father and main provider changed all that for me..... I finally grew a heart and realise it don't hurt to care about others instead of being wrapped up in your own bubble.... We all got problems..... Only difference is some of us just get on with it and soldier on

There's no needed for the bitterness imo. ... Life is way to short...... Your along time dead.... 

 

 

 

That’s good you help out someone who helps you out mate, but pretty irrelevant to what I meant....

[shaaark 10,133]

4 minutes ago, Stoney100 said:

That’s good you help out someone who helps you out mate, but pretty irrelevant to what I meant....

Stoney, have you been diagnosed with clinical depression?

[Blackmag 5,870]

2 hours ago, Stoney100 said:

Words are words.....actions are actions.....I can guarantee nobody on here really gives a f**k about anyone they don’t know with depression more than they do if they had cancer.......you dont have to have depressed people on speed dial to prove how much you care

Stoney I admire your strength and courage in getting sober and trying to keep that way but your anger and bitterness could be better channelled and as for your question yes there is lads on here that would help someone in your exact position they didn't know I wasn't going to name him but fireman did for a mate of mine never met the man but he helped me out massively and sadly it didn't work but he tried  when he didn't need to and for that I will always be grateful and hopefully one day I could do him a good turn I wish you well and a full recovery 

[Stoney100 1,179]

16 minutes ago, shaaark said:

Stoney, have you been diagnosed with clinical depression?

Yes I have mate.....when I realised my life was pretty much as bad as it could get and started to see doctors and go to clinics etc about getting help for drinking and drugs they sent me to a psychiatrist who said I suffered with depression and anxiety. She recommended i go mirtazapine but only after I had done a rehab. I did the rehab, went on them, felt like absolute shit and relapsed within a month. 

Then I got a bit of time inside and on my first interview there they asked about my mental health so I told them about it and again they sent me to a specialist who agreed I had it and said I should go back on mirtazapine......I refused but still got put on suicide watch on the detox wing and spoke to a doctor or nurse 3 times a day.....they all tried to push me to take mirtazapine again but I refused. 

While im no way trying to milk anything or after any sympathy for my own actions.....you cant take drugs and drink for so many years and not expect them to affect your mental health massively.....it’s what both do.....and the longer your on them the worse it gets and that’s a fact you simply have to become accustomed to or it’s only going to get a hell of a lot worse.

There’s no greater feeling of being alone than when your all alone and taking drugs and drinking heavily. Every day. For 15+ years. And when your alone like that you have far to much time to think about stuff and then overthink that same stuff over and over over again untill it becomes so much you just want to scream out loud for it to stop but even doing that won’t help for long before it all comes back and hits you harder than before.

i guarantee if I walked in a doctors now and told them how I really felt they would still want me back on tablets and I could get a sick note for depression but I still refuse to believe that’s the only option. To me it can’t be an option of swapping one drug that made feel that way for another drug that would make me feel another way......I’ve just got to learn to balance out the feelings by myself.

Maybe I am selfish and I’m being a prick about it......that’s fair enough and if I have upset anyone then I genuinely apologise and I guess I still struggle with it more than I think, hence still going on about it now lol

But if this is me struggling with it, it’s certainly a lot better than letting it beat me and lying in bed right now with empty cans of Stella all over the house, no money left and a puddle of piss and sick in the corner after a heavy weekend of drugs and drink where I’d feel a million times worse and sit here blaming my mental health for it. 

Trust me I have wanted to die many times.....I have felt useless to whole world in every single way possible.....I have felt a burden to everyone around me and believed i would be better of dead......I have been in hospital because of it and been told by qualified people I suffer with it......I have also beaten it in my own way and I’m extremely proud of that as rightly or wrongly my way was the best way and I’ve made myself the man I am today and nobody can either take that away from me or say they gave it me......I did it all myself, with my own actions against the pitfalls life threw at me. I could of topped myself and been another statistic......I could of said it couldn’t of been beaten and just gone on the tablets.......but I never and its worked for me so far and I’m more than happy with where I am at the moment. It’s took me long enough to get here but I also remember where I was and what took it me to get here so please excuse my ignorance or selfishness but it keeps me here

[Stoney100 1,179]

3 minutes ago, Blackmag said:

Stoney I admire your strength and courage in getting sober and trying to keep that way but your anger and bitterness could be better channelled and as for your question yes there is lads on here that would help someone in your exact position they didn't know I wasn't going to name him but fireman did for a mate of mine never met the man but he helped me out massively and sadly it didn't work but he tried  when he didn't need to and for that I will always be grateful and hopefully one day I could do him a good turn I wish you well and a full recovery 

Thank you mate

The thing is anger and bitterness only comes out when I can’t get my point across properly lol 

i know what I’m trying to say and i know I’m not trying to be c**t.....no one knows what anyone is really going through and that works both ways......some people will have a reason to go all reclusive over depression where as I prefer to tell it to f**k off and won’t let it win......it doesn’t mean either of us is wrong.....it’s just how we get by

[Daniel cain 42,884]

50 minutes ago, Stoney100 said:

That’s good you help out someone who helps you out mate, but pretty irrelevant to what I meant....

Look mate, I don't know what's gone on with all this nonsense from other sites... I'm only on here...  Know where you are then...We  all got a past, we have all done things we not proud of I'm sure.... Don't let those mistakes define you stewie mate, you have done well to change your life around and I understand where your coming from

Don't let em grind you down

[Astanley 11,465]

2 hours ago, Stoney100 said:

Words are words.....actions are actions.....I can guarantee nobody on here really gives a f**k about anyone they don’t know with depression more than they do if they had cancer.......you dont have to have depressed people on speed dial to prove how much you care

I care about people on here ,and will help them out with words or actions 

[Stoney100 1,179]

2 minutes ago, Daniel cain said:

Look mate, I don't know what's gone on with all this nonsense from other sites... I'm only on here...  Know where you are then...We  all got a past, we have all done things we not proud of I'm sure.... Don't let those mistakes define you stewie mate, you have done well to change your life around and I understand where your coming from

Don't let em grind you down

Thank you lol that’s all I’ve been trying to say all along 

[Rabbit Hunter 6,608]

Stoney I don’t know you or whats gone on in your life. But you seem typical of most drug addicts/ alcoholics in that you seem very much self obsessed, talking about yourself all the time? You say you got yourself out of the hole you were in, but what about all the professionals in prison, doctors, shrinks whatever that helped you along the way? Also what about family? If you were such a bad alcoholic maybe they got sick of giving you chance after chance and decided to just give up on you? 

No axe to grind here but the way you’re coming across is very selfish, you’re entitled to your own opinions as we all are, but a bit of thought and care for others goes a long way. 

[Stoney100 1,179]

1 minute ago, Astanley said:

I care about people on here ,and will help them out with words or actions 

I know you do mate.....you might not even know it but you have actually helped me quite a lot on something’s ive posted on Facebook......I’ll write something about whatever I was up to at the time, then you would post a funny reply that actually  made sense and would make look at what I posted different. Your a good human being my friend, a one of a kind in a tough world and I appreciate everything you have done for me (looking after my dog was a massive favour I still owe you for) and I know you are one of the rare people who would actually be there if I needed you......same with all-terrian (might be a scouse thing lol) but both of you have consistently been 100% sound to me and gave me good honest advice that will always be appreciated 

[Stoney100 1,179]

2 minutes ago, Rabbit Hunter said:

Stoney I don’t know you or whats gone on in your life. But you seem typical of most drug addicts/ alcoholics in that you seem very much self obsessed, talking about yourself all the time? You say you got yourself out of the hole you were in, but what about all the professionals in prison, doctors, shrinks whatever that helped you along the way? Also what about family? If you were such a bad alcoholic maybe they got sick of giving you chance after chance and decided to just give up on you? 

No axe to grind here but the way you’re coming across is very selfish, you’re entitled to your own opinions as we all are, but a bit of thought and care for others goes a long way. 

Maybe I’m just not there yet

[Rabbit Hunter 6,608]

I hope you do get sorted in life, you sound like you’re doing well, but instead of looking at people as a hindrance, how about looking at them as you were 2/3/4 years ago and in need of the help you needed too at that time?