Depression

[NEWKID 26,093]

2 hours ago, Stoney100 said:

Ok let me ask all you good smararitans this.......you’ve been through your own troubles, been in jail, been addicted to drink and drugs and have finally pulled yourself out of the hole you have been stuck in for 15 years......over them years you have had people laugh at you, take the piss out off,  look down on you even and you felt like just jumping off a bridge or in front of a train every single day from the moment you wake up till the moment you go back to sleep.......you have been depressed,anxious and know full well when you try to explain yourself people will think your selfish so you don’t try, you just accept that it is who you are. You’ve asked for help, even begged for it but time after time you continuously got let down by people who said they would be there for you in your times of trouble.......you soon learn that despite all there nice posts and saying they would always help, they have there own life and they won’t always help or be there. They will make an effort to say they will but deep down they will really enjoy seeing you in a bad way because it makes their own life feel better and you just become a burden on them.

so you realise that you need to sort this shit out yourself.......and after months/years of feeling like your getting no where finally you start to feel better, like their is a light at the end of the tunnel because your doing it yourself and no one can let you down that way.......you start to see that the people who were all nice to you and pretending they would help have changed.....they see you doing well and it seems now they are bitter when before they wanted to hear all your problems. You start to realise the absolute bullshit people who have never experienced being in a dark place speak with talk like “it’s unseen” etc. You start to remember the things people said in the past and it hits home when they say things that completely contradict that when your up and running again........but most importantly of all you have beat the so called unbeatable battle against the mind and have set yourself up for a life of having to stand by your beliefs because they were they only thing that got you out of black hole you were in, not some muggy little words off someone on the internet......not the endless people wanting to help or support you......not the rehabs or jail......your beliefs that you were better than the shit life you were stuck in and that you could get out of it were what dragged you out of bed every morning to get up and beat something that many people let finish them off.

you come to a point we’re your ticking along nicely but fully aware that one wrong move or letting the wrong person into your life while be a disaster and you will back to square one quicker than you’d like to be and everything will be worse than ever.

now if you was in that position, and the instinct you got from ANY person was that they were a red flag trigger then would it be selfish to put yourself first or try and help that person when your at extreme risk of ending up worse off than that person for doing so???

The one thing you're completely right with is it is only you who can eventually sort yourself out, but those who talk to you, listen to your or offer support in many ways are still doing the right things by you....

I said at the beginning you need to be careful who you surround yourself with as you know you have an addiction and it needs daily care, so I wouldn't dream.of calling you out on that...

I do however still believe there are decent people out there who will give up time to listen and this site has far more decent people than c**ts imo

[Stoney100 1,179]

21 minutes ago, Rabbit Hunter said:

I hope you do get sorted in life, you sound like you’re doing well, but instead of looking at people as a hindrance, how about looking at them as you were 2/3/4 years ago and in need of the help you needed too at that time?

Because ultimately mate I had to go alone.....yes people will help and mean well but when it’s a 24/7 battle and they have their own life to live I can’t be expecting them to be their all the time so I had to take responsibility of my own life. 

If someone was trying to help me but I went and topped myself wouldn’t you say that was cruel on the person who was trying to help me? How would they feel knowing they tried their best but I still went and did that? 

I honestly wouldn’t want people feeling like they HAD to help me, people offering help and kind words is one thing but if they felt like I depended on it or I was going to go under without them then I’d probably feel even worse about that! 

The facts are mate, peoples minds are f***ing hard to understand......we all say we need to be open and honest, that it’s good to talk.....well here I am talking about it but getting called a selfish c**t and a prick for it when all I’m doing is being honest.

 

Edited October 27, 2019 by Stoney100

[NEWKID 26,093]

1 hour ago, Stoney100 said:

Yes but plenty have done the complete opposite mate! If someone from Scotland called you up tonight and said “Kevin I’m feeling sucidal can you come round as your the only person I can talk to” truthfully what you do?

I'd certainly try and help mate, I'd pick the phone up and talk at least... 

Your right that we all.lead busy lives though, sometimes I feel.guilty for not giving enough time to those closest to.me, but if the chips were down I'd like to.think.id  try and be there..

[Stoney100 1,179]

1 minute ago, NEWKID said:

I'd certainly try and help mate, I'd pick the phone up and talk at least... 

Your right that we all.lead busy lives though, sometimes I feel.guilty for not giving enough time to those closest to.me, but if the chips were down I'd like to.think.id  try and be there..

That’s my point tho mate, you shouldnt feel guilty for being happy and I wouldn’t want to pass that feeling on to anyone as I’d pick up it and feel worse for it.

i guess it’s just the fact we all are wired up differently and there is no right or wrong way to deal with a person who ultimately doesn’t know how to deal with themselves.

if I read this a few years ago I’d of probably not had the balls to reply to it never mind be so open lol so I guess I do look at things different over time and that i could change my opinion again 

[NEWKID 26,093]

1 minute ago, Stoney100 said:

That’s my point tho mate, you shouldnt feel guilty for being happy and I wouldn’t want to pass that feeling on to anyone as I’d pick up it and feel worse for it.

i guess it’s just the fact we all are wired up differently and there is no right or wrong way to deal with a person who ultimately doesn’t know how to deal with themselves.

if I read this a few years ago I’d of probably not had the balls to reply to it never mind be so open lol so I guess I do look at things different over time and that i could change my opinion again 

Well that's progress then....lol

 

[Stoney100 1,179]

1 minute ago, NEWKID said:

Well that's progress then....lol

 

Exactly......and it took me turning into a selfish, heartless c**t to get there lol

[Stoney100 1,179]

Don’t feel sorry for me mate, I don’t need your sympathy

Anyway these are my final words on this thread.......hopefully no one has been offended by anything and I apologise if so......but everything I have said is simply what I have found out through my own experiences in life......I doesn’t mean I’m right or wrong it’s just simply the way it is through my eyes. 

If you have depression or have a loved one affected by it then I genuinely hope you find peace one way or the other.

end of

[mushroom 12,352]

20 hours ago, king said:

im the only child myself mushroom.but can see what effect that must have with having 3 son's.

sound's like you haven't grieved mate..but as you know bottling it up aint good...

steady away mushroom...

Aye it's never been released.... tore the family apart and 15 years later it still shows.

[mushroom 12,352]

Fuuck me.... I go out with a lass, have a great night.... come back on here and all hell has broken loose

Whoever posts peoples pics, names and addresses on the net is a cnut!

 

[iworkwhippets 12,247]

18 minutes ago, Stoney100 said:

Because ultimately mate I had to go alone.....yes people will help and mean well but when it’s a 24/7 battle and they have their own life to live I can’t be expecting them to be their all the time so I had to take responsibility of my own life. 

If someone was trying to help me but I went and topped myself wouldn’t you say that was cruel on the person who was trying to help me? How would they feel knowing they tried their best but I still went and did that? 

I honestly wouldn’t want people feeling like they HAD to help me, people offering help and kind words is one thing but if they felt like I depended on it or I was going to go under without them then I’d probably feel even worse about that! 

The facts are mate, peoples minds are f***ing hard to understand......we all say we need to be open and honest, that it’s good to talk.....well here I am talking about it but getting called a selfish c**t and a prick for it when all I’m doing is being honest.

 

you must be reading my mind matey, one day last week, my doctor came out to see me, asked how I felt and my thoughts, she asked so I told, suicidal were my thoughts, until a certain person from duggie mac came into my life, people dunna just pass, and that's it, within days of her passing, the paperwork that came through my door demanding me repay overpaid benefits, and because of my illness my lady was still at the morgue waiting for me to get better, is was overwhelming. I couldn't handle it, then a lady from duggie  mac, stepped in, In such a short time , has done everything for me, things I should have done, but that damn stroke has knocked me a bit tapped, she really showed true compassion over me, really cared, I just couldn't believe it, she even offered take me to the funeral cos I was bad on my pins, still am but im getting there, isn't it ironic now that the only reason im here, is because of her, I owe her, shes gone the extra mile for me, I couldn't do nowt silly now

[Stoney100 1,179]

1 minute ago, sid g said:

all this made me think i dont really need this site in my life , be sure to come and say hello if your my way , 

Be my pleasure

[Stoney100 1,179]

9 minutes ago, iworkwhippets said:

you must be reading my mind matey, one day last week, my doctor came out to see me, asked how I felt and my thoughts, she asked so I told, suicidal were my thoughts, until a certain person from duggie mac came into my life, people dunna just pass, and that's it, within days of her passing, the paperwork that came through my door demanding me repay overpaid benefits, and because of my illness my lady was still at the morgue waiting for me to get better, is was overwhelming. I couldn't handle it, then a lady from duggie  mac, stepped in, In such a short time , has done everything for me, things I should have done, but that damn stroke has knocked me a bit tapped, she really showed true compassion over me, really cared, I just couldn't believe it, she even offered take me to the funeral cos I was bad on my pins, still am but im getting there, isn't it ironic now that the only reason im here, is because of her, I owe her, shes gone the extra mile for me, I couldn't do nowt silly now

I hope you never do mate......I can’t offer you any advice as I’ve never been in your situation but I can offer you a day out with the dogs for some bushing on nice flat ground near derby......honestly wish you all the best mate

[dogmandont 9,312]

22 minutes ago, iworkwhippets said:

you must be reading my mind matey, one day last week, my doctor came out to see me, asked how I felt and my thoughts, she asked so I told, suicidal were my thoughts, until a certain person from duggie mac came into my life, people dunna just pass, and that's it, within days of her passing, the paperwork that came through my door demanding me repay overpaid benefits, and because of my illness my lady was still at the morgue waiting for me to get better, is was overwhelming. I couldn't handle it, then a lady from duggie  mac, stepped in, In such a short time , has done everything for me, things I should have done, but that damn stroke has knocked me a bit tapped, she really showed true compassion over me, really cared, I just couldn't believe it, she even offered take me to the funeral cos I was bad on my pins, still am but im getting there, isn't it ironic now that the only reason im here, is because of her, I owe her, shes gone the extra mile for me, I couldn't do nowt silly now

So glad you’ve found a reason to carry on iww, some people don’t understand the massive affect small gestures can have on a person when they’re at their lowest and can be the difference between giving up and carrying on. 

[WILF 44,176]

1 hour ago, Stoney100 said:

Exactly......and it took me turning into a selfish, heartless c**t to get there lol

That’s a pretty negative view imho mate.

You made mistakes, everyone does and everyone’s entitled to but I suppose you are only an idiot if you keep making the same ones.

Its no good (again imho) if you are viewing yourself in that light, self reflection is a rare enough trait these days but I think it’s just as important to realise your good points as well as your failings.

There is a massive difference between being “a heartless c**t” and being careful about the company you keep because they don’t do you any good.......I suppose the trick would be not to get involved with anyone who is bad to be around in the first place then you wouldn’t have to be cruel about anything later down the line.

As time go’s on, you will get more skilful at spotting the danger people and just swerve them without ever having to interact.

[Stoney100 1,179]

9 minutes ago, WILF said:

That’s a pretty negative view imho mate.

You made mistakes, everyone does and everyone’s entitled to but I suppose you are only an idiot if you keep making the same ones.

Its no good (again imho) if you are viewing yourself in that light, self reflection is a rare enough trait these days but I think it’s just as important to realise your good points as well as your failings.

There is a massive difference between being “a heartless c**t” and being careful about the company you keep because they don’t do you any good.......I suppose the trick would be not to get involved with anyone who is bad to be around in the first place then you wouldn’t have to be cruel about anything later down the line.

As time go’s on, you will get more skilful at spotting the danger people and just swerve them without ever having to interact.

I know mate, that was said tongue in cheek tbh and I do agree with what your saying honestly

Like rabbit hunter rightly says, when anyone who has been an addict talks about it’s all about them and I have to say he is spot on but its literally because it is! When I first got sober I was 100% convinced it was all the drinks fault I got into that mess.....I couldn’t see it was actually myself that was doing it over a product that’s just sold and advertised well over here but not physically forced on us. Everyone has access to find out the damage drinking can do....both mentally and physically.....many will have unfortunate encounters of what it can do through family or friends but some just went all in and found out exactly what it can do for themselves.

I know I’m not heartless or selfish deep down and to me that’s all that matters.....you have had the pitchforks and fire sticks after you on here more than a few times yourself lol but ultimately I get the impression your a good guy who just says it how it is and sometimes you have to stand by your beliefs for your own sanity on here lol if anything I think you give good advice on most things. But with straight talkers it doesn’t work both ways.....he either speaks sense and you listen or you take offence and don’t take anything from it. As much as it pains me to admit dotty/katchum on here used to make my blood boil when he would call me an alky on here.....Same with a few others but dotty would deliver it in his own pleasant glasweigen way of “ye just a wee alky c**t” and it used to hit home......but realistically he was right.....it was good actually good advice and reading comments like that probably made me get sorted more than the arm round the shoulder, kettles always on type comments because sometimes these are the things you really need to hear to wake you up to what you have become!

Im a massive believer of your social circle and lifestyle is huge part of what makes anyone the person they are. As part of my probation I had to do what they call “the thinking skills program” and at first I thought it was a load of bollox but when I actually sat back and listened most of the stuff they were teaching us was absolutely spot on and mirrors everything of what you said in your post, and these were professional people assigned by the highest powers the country has, drilling it into us that we make our own choices, choose who we associate with and follow the consequences of that.....good or bad! 

If someone messaged me on here or rang saying they need a chat of course I’d help them as much as I can but I know from personal experience that random people on the Internet are not always the best people to seek help from.....and I wouldn’t be shy to tell the person that there are better ways out there than talking to random people online (which is essentially what we are on about here) 

f**k me for saying I was in my last words I’ve rabbited on again lol 

sorry again to anyone I’ve upset or offended.....like the saying says it’s good to talk and I can take a few positives from all this