jetro 5,349 Posted May 1, 2020 Report Share Posted May 1, 2020 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 7,542 Posted May 1, 2020 Report Share Posted May 1, 2020 1 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jetro 5,349 Posted May 1, 2020 Report Share Posted May 1, 2020 An Elderly Couple both have problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of vanilla ice cream?' 'Sure.' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.' 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?' He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of vanilla ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast?' 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tb25 4,626 Posted May 1, 2020 Report Share Posted May 1, 2020 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
keepdiggin 9,222 Posted May 1, 2020 Report Share Posted May 1, 2020 1 minute ago, tb25 said: Your going to hell 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tb25 4,626 Posted May 1, 2020 Report Share Posted May 1, 2020 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jetro 5,349 Posted May 1, 2020 Report Share Posted May 1, 2020 WTF??? HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES???? These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral... _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 2 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
brambles 3,062 Posted May 1, 2020 Report Share Posted May 1, 2020 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
brambles 3,062 Posted May 1, 2020 Report Share Posted May 1, 2020 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
waltjnr 5,972 Posted May 1, 2020 Report Share Posted May 1, 2020 5 minutes ago, brambles said: Nigga on a digga ?? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EDDIE B 3,120 Posted May 2, 2020 Report Share Posted May 2, 2020 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
THE STIFFMEISTER 14,558 Posted May 2, 2020 Report Share Posted May 2, 2020 On 01/05/2020 at 10:32, Rusty_terrier said: Dogfox during lockdown Is this a genuine video ??? Was it a real thing that happened ?? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
THE STIFFMEISTER 14,558 Posted May 2, 2020 Report Share Posted May 2, 2020 3 minutes ago, Rusty_terrier said: No idea if anybody actually seen it but he claimed it was real lol Stop it imagine sending that to someone ffs Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackmag 5,870 Posted May 2, 2020 Report Share Posted May 2, 2020 30 minutes ago, Rusty_terrier said: No idea if anybody actually seen it but he claimed it was real lol Who has it and can they put it up Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jetro 5,349 Posted May 2, 2020 Report Share Posted May 2, 2020 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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