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A MONTANA COWBOY, A NATIVE AMERICAN AND A MUSLIM ARE WAITING FOR THEIR PLANE IN A SMALL MONTANA AIRPORT. THE MONTANA COWBOY LEANS BACK IN HIS CHAIR, CROSSES HIS BOOTS ON A MAGAZINE TABLE AND TIPS H

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wee man sitting on a towel on the beach.

poor sod had no arm or legs,

3 good looking birds walking past were looking feeling sorry for him,

1st one said,ever had a hug,he sez no,so she hugged him.

2nd won says ever had a kiss.no sez he,so she kisses him.

3rd one says ever been f****d,hes getting himself all worked up now.no,no,he sez.

yer woman sez,you will be when that fuxxing tide comes in.

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Murphy goes to his friend Pat and says ... "I'm sleeping with the Pastor's wife.Can you hold him in church for an hour after services for me.”

 

Pat doesn't like it but, being Murphy's longtime friend, he agrees.

 

After service,he starts talking to the Pastor, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.

 

Finally the Pastor gets annoyed and asks Pat what he's really up to.

 

Pat, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the Pastor. "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

 

The Pastor smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Pat's shoulder and says... "You better hurry home. My wife died two years ago."

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Following the attempted Turkish coup last month, President Erdogan declared martial law and a curfew - no civilians on the streets after 9pm. Strictly enforced !

 

Two soldiers are at their checkpoint, when they see a man crossing the road in the distance. One soldier raises his rifle, and kills the man with a single shot.

 

His colleague says "What the hell are you doing ? It's only 8.45 !!"

The first soldier says "I know where he lives - he'd never have made it !"

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I'll never forget my grandfathers last words before he died...."stop shaking the ladder you c#nt"

Good one, if I could have one wish in life it's to die in my sleep like my grandfather did.

Not screaming and roaring like his passengers.

With my grandfather it was the drink that killed him...

 

 

He was run over by a Guinness wagon..

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Good one Malt, I thought for a second there you were going to tell the old one about how a mans grandfather died from the drink.

He drowned in a large tank full of Guinness.

The rescuers kept pulling him out but after the 5th time of getting back in they said to leave him there.

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