johnny.w 316 Posted November 25, 2016 Report Share Posted November 25, 2016 I was sitting on the bed pulling my boxers off when my wife said "You really spoil those dogs." 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bird 9,599 Posted November 25, 2016 Report Share Posted November 25, 2016 Just watched the news for the deaf about the floods. The sign language woman gave up trying to explain Cockermouth. lol, she should have started with come dancing 1st, then try it . haha Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bird 9,599 Posted November 25, 2016 Report Share Posted November 25, 2016 The wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night. I told her I was looking for cheap flights. "Oh I love you so much!" she said, then she got all excited, un-zipped my trousers and gave me the most amazing oral sex ever...... .......which is really odd because she's never shown an interest in darts before. sharp that , johnny haha Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,568 Posted November 25, 2016 Report Share Posted November 25, 2016 The wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night. I told her I was looking for cheap flights. "Oh I love you so much!" she said, then she got all excited, un-zipped my trousers and gave me the most amazing oral sex ever...... .......which is really odd because she's never shown an interest in darts before. sharp that , johnny haha Smashing, great, super ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stealthy1 3,964 Posted November 28, 2016 Report Share Posted November 28, 2016 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,568 Posted November 30, 2016 Report Share Posted November 30, 2016 I used to live next door to a family of anorexic agoraphobics........ .......they had some skeletons in the cupboard ! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,568 Posted November 30, 2016 Report Share Posted November 30, 2016 My doctor advised me to lose some weight. He said "Don't eat anything fatty". I said "Like modify my diet and exercise more ?" He said "No. I mean don't eat anything.....fatty !" 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
peterhunter86 8,627 Posted November 30, 2016 Report Share Posted November 30, 2016 Did you hear about the two gay ghosts. They gave each other the wlllies. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
forest of dean redneck 11,209 Posted November 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2016 Thought I seen a scarecrow masturbating earlier, Turns out he was clutching at straws. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
trapperman 474 Posted November 30, 2016 Report Share Posted November 30, 2016 I was sitting on the bed pulling my boxers off when my wife said "You really spoil those dogs."? that took me a couple of seconds ??? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,568 Posted November 30, 2016 Report Share Posted November 30, 2016 My mum's dog died, so I decided to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. She was livid ! She said "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs ?" Or........ I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nut shell ! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dinosaurs 2,008 Posted November 30, 2016 Report Share Posted November 30, 2016 Trapperman. Your obviously an expert at it then?? ? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
trapperman 474 Posted November 30, 2016 Report Share Posted November 30, 2016 ?? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
johnny.w 316 Posted December 1, 2016 Report Share Posted December 1, 2016 A policeman knocked at my door last night and said "I'm afraid it looks like your wife has been hit by a bus." I replied "I know but she's good with the kids." 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
johnny boy68 11,725 Posted December 2, 2016 Report Share Posted December 2, 2016 At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave because he is so popular. Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Glasgow, stands up and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every year and his wife with a Volkswagen mini-van to transport their children!' The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds. Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands up and says, if the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education for all of his children!' More sighs and loud applause. Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, 'If the Vicar stays, I will give him free sex..' There is total silence. The Preacher, blushing, asks her: 'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you to say that?' Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies: 'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'f**k him'. 12 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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