Proper bullshit...

[South hams hunter 8,955]

The ex brother in law of @Saltmoon

Must have been nearly 10 years ago now. The lad had a young dog on, told us he'd been out and had 2 deer with the dog and sent us the photos to prove it. Well he sent us a photo of 2 whitetail bucks hanging in a random shed. When asked who's shed he made up a friend to go with it

[chartpolski 26,665]

The lurcher has game has more than it's fair share of bullshitters, and I've heard many simply outlandish, unbelievable stories.

One that makes me laugh came from the biggest bullshitter of them all.

He told some lads that he had lived and hunted with the red indians in America.

Turned out he was on holiday in the states and had a game of pool in a bar with a bloke who claimed to be half Indian ! !

The lurcher game is a small world, and you're easily found out !

Cheers.

[jukel123 9,087]

One job I could never do is run a pub. Listening to the shite which spews from peoples mouths as the evening wears on must be torture. I would ban every bore and bulĺshitter and have no income within a week.

[lurcherman 887 13,410]

Fella just round the corner used to bullshit a lot proper bullshit though, one was when his dad was younger he had a fight badly hurt another man and his fists were classed as “lethal weapons” and when he went into public had to have chains to each wrist f***ing Dinlo child 

[lurcherman 887 13,410]

Also to be a accomplished liar you need to remember the shit you spout caught him out few times with forgotten lies 

[DIDO.1 22,856]

It's not exactly bullshitting but I was embarrassingly found out once. 

I told all my mates I was moving to Spain to become a bullfighter. They even threw me a leaving party. Anyway I spent 4 weeks travelling about, a week of which was on a few bull breeding ranches, getting thrown about by calves. Realised my Spanish wasn't good enough and I couldn't be arsed working in English bars to earn enough to live on. So I caught a plain to Amsterdam and blew the last of my money on the usual entertainment there and flew home. 

Told my mum not to tell any of my mates I was home for a couple more months at least. 

Sat unpacking my bags in my bedroom when I heard a knock at the door....it was a couple of mates "hello Mrs *****, we haven't heard from dido, is he OK out in Spain". I thought its OK, my mum has my back.... "ohh you mean earnest Hemmingway the great explorer , yeah he's upstairs hiding in his bedroom". 

I can still hear the laughter and abuse as they ran upstairs looking for me 

[Greyman 30,715]

To put a slightly different spin on things my old man is a very selfish self centred prick who will bullshit anything to get what he wants in life and manipulate things his way, as a consequence I grew up with his lies and can smell it from a mile away and get quite offended by it, I consider it an insult to your intelligence that someone can sit in front of you and attempt to fool you with there shite, I tell my misses and kids I can always tell when my old man is lying, because he,s still breathing and as a result I can be a bit brutal in the things I say to people as truth is often more hard to deal with than if you add a bit of spin

[chartpolski 26,665]

Many years ago a good pal of mine bred a litter of non-ped whippets, we kept the whole litter amongst friends.

They all turned out decent racers and workers, apart from, sods law, the one he kept.

It was 17" and not much good at owt !

So we were supprised one day when he walked in the pub with the bitch and the biggest hare I'd ever seen. 

"Bitch caught it back of the pit heap on the way here", he said, nonchalantly, as if it was no big deal.

Anyway, next day I was at the game dealers and he said " your pal Jimmy was here yesterday and bought a big hare, I was supprised, you lads are normally bringing them here ." !!!

BUSTED ! !

Cheers.

 

[DIDO.1 22,856]

21 minutes ago, chartpolski said:

Many years ago a good pal of mine bred a litter of non-ped whippets, we kept the whole litter amongst friends.

They all turned out decent racers and workers, apart from, sods law, the one he kept.

It was 17" and not much good at owt !

So we were supprised one day when he walked in the pub with the bitch and the biggest hare I'd ever seen. 

"Bitch caught it back of the pit heap on the way here", he said, nonchalantly, as if it was no big deal.

Anyway, next day I was at the game dealers and he said " your pal Jimmy was here yesterday and bought a big hare, I was supprised, you lads are normally bringing them here ." !!!

BUSTED ! !

Cheers.

 

I did something similar with a useless lurcher I once had. 'Convinced' all my mates it only worked well when I was not in company. One day we were all fairly spread out having a mooch, my mates sending me the direction I was least likely to get a run cos they knew my dog wouldn't pick much up. When I found a big black farm cat sat on a 3/4 grown rabbit. I'll have that you fcker.....

"yeah lads just caught the one, brilliant course, jump a fence and nailed it before it got in one of them holes, pity you missed it"

[gnipper 6,717]

The gamekeeper on our estate has been in the special forces,  shot for England,  fought for England, been a professional golfer, stone Mason and a locksmith.

 The Olympics he said he shot at was before he was born the f***ing nobhead

[Squirrel_Basher 17,102]

Someone reckons they’ve developed a COVID vaccine in 7 months

[Born Hunter 17,897]

I used to help out a fella with his shoot, he was the shitest keeper in the world but the people made it. Anyway he was telling everyone after a days shooting how he'd just got a 'top end silencer' for his 22-250 and it was "whisper quiet" blah blah. I'm a bit of a c**t for calling BS in social settings but this wasn't the place really and I just rolled my eyes as the only other lad in the room who new about rifles looked at me gone out like. Anyway a month later he's got some second hand night vision now and hasn't a f***ing clue about it and asks me to zero it for him...... PERFECT! I set a target up, google the manual for it, check that super duper mod is tight on, chamber a round, check where the boys at and make sure he's paying attention, then let the 250 bark....... BOOM! I reckon my head spun round to see his reaction before the bullet had even hit the f***ing paper. After the confusion hit him but before the embarassment I just said "yeah mate, quiet that eh".

 

Another time, very recently, a lad who has mixed with societies elite after being educated in one of those top private schools the Tories and Aristocracy send their kids to had pissed me off earlier in the evening with some utter nonsense about keepering. Anyway he comes back to make amends after a few more beers and I try to change the subject to stalking. He tells me "yeah yeah, you name it I've shot it", I just roll my eyes and think 'I can't be f***ing arsed anymore'. He goes on about how he shot one of only 21 CWD in the whole of NZ last year, "Oh right" I said. We've gathered some spectators by this point and I tease a bit more out of him just fishing, and then not getting the reaction he wanted out of me he steps it up and I find my quarry........... "Mate! It was a 12 point Chinese mate! How many people do you think have shot one of them in New Zealand!?".............  (my actual series of expressions). "Ohhhh reallllly...... well that's f***ing funny because CWD don't have f***ing antlers, never mind 12 of the c**ts!". The lad has had a bit of shit for that one since.

Edited December 16, 2020 by Born Hunter

[chartpolski 26,665]

3 minutes ago, Born Hunter said:

I used to help out a fella with his shoot, he was the shitest keeper in the world but the people made it. Anyway he was telling everyone after a days shooting how he'd just got a 'top end silencer' for his 22-250 and it was "whisper quiet" blah blah. I'm a bit of a c**t for calling BS in social settings but this wasn't the place really and I just rolled my eyes as the only other lad in the room looked at me gone out like. Anyway a month later he's got some second hand night vision now and hasn't a f***ing clue about it and asks me to zero it for him...... PERFECT! I set a target up, google the manual for it, check that super duper mod is tight on, chamber a round, check where the boys at and make sure he's paying attention, then let the 250 bark....... BOOM! I reckon my head spun round to see his reaction before the bullet had even hit the f***ing paper. After the confusion hit him but before the embarassment I just said "yeah mate, quiet that eh".

 

Another time, very recently, a lad who has mixed with societies elite after being educated in one of those top private schools the Tories and Aristocracy send their kids to had pissed me off earlier in the evening with some utter nonsense about keepering. Anyway he comes back to make amends after a few more beers and I try to change the subject to stalking. He tells me "yeah yeah, you name it I've shot it", I just roll my eyes and think 'I can't be f***ing arsed anymore'. He goes on about how he shot one of only 21 CWD in the whole of NZ last year, "Oh right" I said. We've gathered some spectators by this point and I tease a bit more out of him just fishing, and then not getting the reaction he wanted out of me he steps it up and I find the my quarry........... "Mate! It was a 12 point Chinese mate! How many people do you think have shot one of them in New Zealand!?".............  (my actual series of expressions). "Ohhhh reallllly...... well that's f***ing funny because CWD don't have f***ing antlers, never mind 12 of the c**ts!". The lad has had a bit of shit for that one since.

He was probably thinking "sambar", but you need to do your homework if you're going to be a successful bullshitter ! !

Cheers.

[tatsblisters 10,857]

Remember fondly a lad from the north east who came down here to work in the pits who would have us in hysterics with some of the tales he would tell us best one being the candle on the crabs back to bolt rabbits and how when he was on the sumbarine's he would put a fag and two matches in a durex and swim to shore from the sub and light the fag up after coming out of the sea. What a character RIP Geordie Ken Suiter.

[Born Hunter 17,897]

Just now, chartpolski said:

He was probably thinking "sambar", but you need to do your homework if you're going to be a successful bullshitter ! !

Cheers.

He hadn't shot f**k all mate, trust me. But yeah it did cross my mind that was what he meant. He's alright really I think, just needs grounding a bit.