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The Perfect Cafe


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Never get my head around chips in a fry up or a burger patty.

Tomatoes have to be fresh tomatoes cut in half or quarters and fried and if any Cafe decides to put tinned ones on your plate making everything soggy walk out, I also agree with the Yorkshire Gold in

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None of those poxy metal tea pots that spill half your brew over the table. Tea you can stand your spoon up in, and served in a proper mug.

Toast done properly, not just warm bread (like the good lady prefers !). Tinned tomatoes, but not too much juice. Fried mushrooms in decent sized pieces, bacon cooked to a sensible degree (but no black bits) and no cheap sausages........I can't be doing with cheap sausages !

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26 minutes ago, Born Hunter said:

I do prefer coffee over tea....

And I can't really bring myself to walk around with one of those cardboard cups like I'm cool as shit. Sooooooo........ :angel:

Refillable coffee like stateside,sit there for ages people watching.

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47 minutes ago, WILF said:

Chris Jones, you sir, are a legend !:drinks:

Thank you, sir! I may be sat here wearing Southern Utah camouflage getting ready to go and work in Sin City but I'm still an Englishman reviewing the world from the colonies! :drinks:

39 minutes ago, THE STIFFMEISTER said:

A couple of newspapers 

I like a pot of tea brought out before your meal , 

sugar from a pourer, I don’t like being asked if everything’s okay a dozen times as well 

also important is a window seat , I like to look out at the world if needs be, not stuck up against a supporting strut or god forbid a fuvking wooden dividing rail 

I'll agree with the newspapers but I have to sit facing the door. I don't like being asked if everything is okay especially when I have a mouth full of food. The establishments I frequent have taken onboard my eccentricities as I tip accordingly.

33 minutes ago, Born Hunter said:

I do prefer coffee over tea....

And I can't really bring myself to walk around with one of those cardboard cups like I'm cool as shit. Sooooooo........ :angel:

Aeropress?

My previous coffee mug was ballistically tested with a 7.64x39 and it failed. I made a note to contact Stanley on their poor show fighting communism.

22 minutes ago, Blackbriar said:

None of those poxy metal tea pots that spill half your brew over the table. Tea you can stand your spoon up in, and served in a proper mug.

Toast done properly, not just warm bread (like the good lady prefers !). Tinned tomatoes, but not too much juice. Fried mushrooms in decent sized pieces, bacon cooked to a sensible degree (but no black bits) and no cheap sausages........I can't be doing with cheap sausages !

The teapot has to be porcelain. 100% agreement on the quality of the sausages. This is why my butcher gets a Christmas tip!

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None of this little portion bollocks, I want a real sized plated of food. More grease the better, some fried bread on there, crispy bacon and I do mean crispy, decent sausages (better if they're Cumberland or lincolshire), proper fried mushrooms not soggy, tomatoes I'm good with either but if they're fresh, then they gotta be fried correctly, none snotty egg, black pudding is a must, beans must not be mashed/overcooked/dry and a good cup of tea in a proper mug, none of this teacup shiite.... sadly I can only get all this in my home, cooked by Me, with ingredients I smuggle through customs ???

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55 minutes ago, FLATTOP said:

IMG_1010.thumb.JPG.8e6441131a3dcf2ea5cdcd07598792fa.JPGTomatoes have to be fresh tomatoes cut in half or quarters and fried and if any Cafe decides to put tinned ones on your plate making everything soggy walk out, I also agree with the Yorkshire Gold in the correct receptacle.

the egg on the right has a skirt which for me is essential in a fried egg 

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3 minutes ago, THE STIFFMEISTER said:

I used to know a lad really well who had to face the door in any room he sat in 

he also used to take a rucksack shopping to put all his stuff in , even if he went to Tesco’s . 

“Just to keep both hands free in case it kicks off “ was his reasoning 

Too many brekkies in North Las Vegas, LA, and Fresno, for me. I've done too many security audits now and I don't like crowds.

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Just now, green lurchers said:

sadly bud the bread aint thick enough tea looks good :thumbs:

 

Just now, green lurchers said:

sadly bud the bread aint thick enough tea looks good :thumbs:

Fresh everyday cut with a machine so that’s why it’s thin but it’s still good mate ?

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