jukel123
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Everything posted by jukel123
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I am writing this from HMP Middlesex, a female prison. I knew I was going to go down for a considerable stretch due to my nocturnal activities. I therefore concocted a cunning plan. I approached my GP and told him I desperately need a sex change. I told him I had been living a lie and, even at my advanced age, my dearest wish was to become a woman. It worked a treat. He immediately sent me to a private clinic where I undertook lots of counselling. They sent me away to think carefully about the consequences of lopping off my cock and balls and having them replaced with a designer vagina.
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I overheard a conversation on Saturday night which literally made me spit my beer out. It was in a really lowlife pub in which I feel strangely relaxed. Unintended cabaret is brilliant if you have a particular sense of humour Two Glasgow Rangers supporters were being gently baited by a Glasgow Celtic fan. They were all in their late sixties so not much chance of aggro kicking off. Celtic fan: Call yourself true blues? Rangers fans: All ma f****n life.I'll die a Rangers fan. Celtic fan: Are you f**k! Rangers fans: Aye we f****n are: Celtic fan. All right then. Wo
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I agree. Nothing to do with him. Can't understand why he is there at all. I just hope they give him a stinking pen which leaks.
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Had to laugh. Farage is saying it's a disgrace Van De Lyden, who is unelected, should be meeting King Charles. Oh the irony.
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Why did they need a nightwatchman on a golf course mate?
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The SNP won an unprecedented landslide victory under her leadership mate. From my point of view she f****d up on gender and kowtowed to the greens on hunting but she was a very skilled politician generally. She has pretty much wiped out the other parties in Scotland.
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Why all the panic? Nobody eats the stuff here in Scotland anyway . Vegetables are for the poofy English. Calm down, eat something else until supplies return to normal.
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I've just had a bitch put down at 14 and a half. She was incredibly obedient. I only fell out with her once, when she was about 4 month old. She was eating some offal she had found on the tideline and I bollocked her and she came away. I turned my back and she doubled back and began to greedily tuck in to the shite she had discovered. I bollocked her again and gave her scruff a shake. No bullshit, from that moment on she was totally 100% obedient ....until she scented or saw a hare. Then she went apeshit. Just a few weeks back, when she very unsteady on her feet and wrapped up in a flee
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No need to get personal. I can't help being a boring old c**t.
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The Scottish Parliament chooses the first minister. But effectively, that means the SNP in this instance, because they have most MSPs. That statement was my deliberate mistake lol. In fact it is the SNP membership who decide the new leader. Oops. Who would have thought it, probably a muslim leader in Scotland and a Hindu in England? I was talking to a Sikh bloke on holiday and he was convinced there is a muslim conspiracy to take over the UK. " There's dark forces out there my friend" he kept repeating in a brummie accent. He hated Muslims and wasn't keen on Hindus either. Perhaps we
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He is very much a Sturgeon loyalist and supports her agenda. He is the clear favourite with the bookies, who, in my experience are more accurate than the political pollsters. So Francie, in answer to your question, apparently, the SNP prefer a Sturgeonite Muslim in preference to a fundamentalist Christian. Loathe her or love her, Sturgeon was a brilliant politician. Many Scots worship her. She was a class act, her political foes generally came off worst when clashing with her. Her monumental clanger, which will no doubt haunt her, was her intransigence on gender recognition. That finish
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Fair. Situations are never black and white. There are grey areas and the USA is loving the situation. But Putin is in the wrong..... big time.
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Russia signed an agreement with NATO in 1997. Nato agreed not to have any significant military presence in any of the countries bordering Russia. Then Russia annexed Crimea. The agreement was therefore defunct. Russia was not holding to its side of the bargain. The clue to Putin is his talk of the "fatherland" and his statement that Russians and Ukrainians are the same people. He then unleashes terror, destruction and death on Ukrainians. Thousands of civilian lives lost and 9 million Ukrainian people displaced. How people can defend Putin and bleat about aggressive NATO actions i
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An F35 worth around £100 million lost because of human error. Somebody neglected to remove a rain cover which was then sucked into the engine according to some news sources. The pilot successfully ejected.
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Ronnie Pickering was mentioned but it was the Mrs who resembled him not me.
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Yes I did. I said " look, don't try and throw a scare into us mate. I'm a member of the THL massive. Degos and spicks don't go down too well on THL. So here's the f****n deal. Piss off with your tail between your legs or else I will unleash Wilf on you. By the way, your pasta and spaghetti are tasteless shit, your tanks only have reverse gear and your footballers are diving big girls blouses. They were visibly shaken when I mentioned Wilf and slunk away with their tails between their legs.
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On holiday in Italy, the police boarded a train me and the Mrs were on. They went through the train asking Italians for ID cards and tourists for passports. We had left ours in our room safe at the hotel. I knew it was a technical requirement to carry passports but I thought, in reality, nobody would bother. There were 3 cops with their peaked caps pulled low over their eyes. They tried to frighten us by pretending to be discussing our lack of passports in serious whispering tones. They asked for bank cards but we refused to give them over. I told them to ring the British embassy and
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Hard boiled attitude there mate.
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You poached that line mate.
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More likely to put the boot into me.
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Seen better comedy hypnotism acts.
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In that case it was my cat mate. Some footballer called Zouma kicked it to death.?
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If a motorist in the UK strapped a dead domestic cat to the rear of his car, I guarantee that within half an hour he would be stopped by a police car and held in custody for questioning and background checks. A mountain lion in the states raises no eyebrows. Its nobodys business but the car driver. A moggy in this country would merit hostile questioning and many police hours. " There has been no cruelty whatsoever, I found it dead on the road. I felt like strapping it to my car. I have not committed a crime it's a free country" would not go down well as an explanation. Suggestin
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That's your best and most sensible post to date mate. Take a bow.?
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Eggselent excuse but it's a yolk. Have you seen his before and after pics? Skinny to ripped within a year? Not possible even if you lived on eggs. Fury got off with it by claiming his high testosterone level was as a result of eating wild boar. He should have stuck to the egg theme and said his result came after he just got laid.
