I know exactly how you feel mac, when my son was born he had suffered a heart attck inside his mother. The doctors were going to try and get him to bristol for an operation but when they put him into the travel incubator he deteriorated badly, they gave us the choice of trying it and him dieing alone on route or us letting him pass peacefully with all his family around him. I still question myself daily whether or not I made the right choice and would I now have a three year old son and not a grave to visit.