baw

I was down at the gym today when i noticed a hole in my trainer,just big enough to put my finger in ,so i did ...she made a formal complaint and now i'm barred for life !

The wifes been missing for over a week now, the police told me to prepare for the worst...... so I've been to the charity shop to get all her stuff back!!!

I've got a new friend

The wife's been missing 4 over a week now, the police say I should prepare 4 the worst, so I've been 2 the charity shop 2 get all her stuff back!

I seriously laughed out loud at that post mate, brilliant pal

I know, I seen that too. Must be someone with 2 names... You already know who I think it is pmsl

Lol, no way would I write that lol. I'm sure we will find out soon enough

Lol, it ain't me if that's what your getting at lol. I only use the one name until the establishment decide it's time I had a new one

Lol, I don't know who he is mate. I have a sneaky feeling it's ftb at the windup

I know it does and I just can't get enough pmsl

Lol lab, it's your duty. no hard feelings on the pheasants, you know I'm just trying to push your buttons pal

You tell em son lol :-p

My window cleaner knocked at my door this morning shouting and swearing. I thought "f**k me he's lost his rag".

Fair does mate. Aye been doing ok, not as good as bendrover right enough lol. Not been fishing the last 10 days cos of the wind. I'm a refined fly fisherman you know lol. Take care pal

Prob(fkn iPhone) lol

Boards have been pish mate, can't be arsed. Whats the peob with Dell? He seems ok mate.

Two Englishmen opening a shop in Argyle Street are sitting in the empty shop waiting on stock being delivered first Englishman says to his mate "bet you we have some nosey Scottish b*****d asking what we are selling" Sure enough within five minutes door opens and wee Glaswegian guy says 'Whit yous selling in here big man?' Englishman says "we're selling arseholes" Without missing a beat Glaswegian comes back "Yir dain well, only two left!"

Lol, shhh, the mans just noo right

Pmsl, he'll bite like a shark lol

What's the deal with you and this free dog and you not paying the guys petrol for delivering it?

Dear Deidre,My new girlfriend is 10 years younger than me. Is that too much of an age gap ? Deidre Writes: Don't be silly, age is nothing but a number. Dear Deidre, Thanks for your response, you have made me feel much better about my relationship. Tony 19, from Barnsley

Picked up this bird in the pub last night, told her I was going to shag her in the kitchen, living room, bathroom and bedroom. She was well up for it saying, "Wow, you must have some serious stamina!" She seemed a bit disappointed when we got back to the caravan.

Scrap the offside rule I say.......

I sent my washing to the cleaners the other day & enclosed a note with it saying 'use more soap powder on pants' when the washing came back it had a note attached to it saying ' use more paper on arse'

Just been watching a lesbian porn Blue-ray on my 3D HD TV. For added effect I put 2 open cans of tuna on the radiator, its like i'm in the room!