baw

Didn't want to see you getting soppy Kay lol

Breaking news!! Kate middleton is pregnant with twin boys. William was so delighted with the news he shouted out 'hello hello they are the billy boys' As a result the royal wedding will now be held behind closed doors!

Essex, the only place in the country where on a sunday morning, the women have a higher sperm count than the men!

Bloke goes into pub an asks for 3 double whiskys. 'You ok?' asks the barman. 'No, i've just found out my youngest son is gay!' The following week he goes in the pub again, and asks for 6 double whiskys. 'You ok?' asks barman again. 'No, just found out my eldest son has turned gay as well!' Week after he returns to the pub and asks for 10 doubles. 'f**k me,' says barman. 'Doesn't any of your family like fanny?' 'Yep,' he r...

Little boy in class scratchin his crotch Teacher asked him Wots wrong Embarrased he said he'd been circumcised & was itchy Teacher told him Ring ur mum 4 advice. He cums back with his cock hangin out! Teacher asks "[bANNED TEXT] are u doing"? "Mum said if I could stick it out til lunchtime she'd come & get me..!!

I texted my boss, "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?" He answered, "I don't know." I replied, "I'm not coming in this morning."

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!' 'Dont be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere!

Over the past year, I've been out on the pull a lot. For your benefit, I've catalogued my best chat up lines and their effectiveness: "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" 23% success rate. "Grab your coat, you've pulled." 37% success rate. "I've lost my phone number, can I have yours?" 52% success rate "I'm going to poke you in a minute, whether it's with my penis or with this knife is up to you. Now get in the f*****g van." 100%...

I dont know whats more disturbing, my mother telling me my sisters a lesbian, or my dad winking at me saying "no shes not"

I might be wrong......

WARNING....Dont join the new Tesco Datìng Service....my mate did and ended up with a bag for life!

f*****g frosty!!! All my hard work in the garden gone to rot!!!

I remember when this was all fields...,

I think I got away with it.... Like a snakes belly I

Managed to sneak under the radar..... Thank you my friend for your support, you will be rewarded in the afterlife....

Only a matter of time, my good nature is being tested and I feel the writing is on the wall, don't fret though petal, remember the good times the good times....

I knew this day would come, goodbye my friend, I'll keep in touch, look out for messages in the sand

Done honey

Swap berbatov for samaras are you mad!!!! No need to swap, you can have him for nothing, let me know when and I'll personally run him there!!

It's you know who without me spelling it out lol

I'm gonna get a bad reputation....

Why does it always have to be me!!!!

Wonder how the media will report it...... Probably agree with him lol there keeper gets mom and Walter thinks they had the best chances pmsl

Lol, all the managers love him, don't see it myself. Walter on tv flagging Celtic moan they don't get penalties

Pmsl as soon as I seen he was taking the penalty you f*****g just knew. Still I'd have took the draw before the game.

Went for the draw and got it. Samaras is a waste of skin