baw

Paddy goes to the doctors with a sore arse.... doctor bends over and finds a wad of money stuffed up there..... how much was there, asks paddy.... doc replies, about 1900.....sounds about right says paddy, I knew I didn't feel too grand!!!

SCAM WARNING at TESCO!!! While parking your shopping in your car, you may be apporached by 2 fit 18 year old polish girls in tight tops. They wash your screen and ask for a lift to the next shop as payment. While your driving one of them goes down on you while the other steals your wallet!!! I had mine stolen last tuesday.....twice on Wednesday and today!!! Be careful!!!

See that music!!! Is that right, do you call it music???

What game?

Sean Connery came round to my house to put up a mantlepiece but it was lop sided and all my ornaments fell off and broke. Sean was embarrassed.... he said, "I'm ashamed of my shelf!"

I came on as bawbag lol, never lasted long.

First comment, I am honoured.... i'd just like to thank my mom for having me.... my managment team for putting up with me.... my pr assistant for going down on me....

not many friends billynomates..... I'm sure I had more than that 12 names ago!!!

For fucksake, what a mess to sort out. I can't believe I mixed their valentines cards up. The girlfriend now thinks I love her and the wife thinks I want to f**k her!!!

Mon the hoops

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

FPMSL sorry keano, pressed the wrong button.

I'm gonna try pal lol.... biting me lip as I type... there is a thread I'm dying to get involved in but alas no....

A farmer buys a young cock. As soon it's home it shags the 150 hens!!! Farmer is impressed. Luch time it screws them again!!! Farmer tense now. Next day he scres the ducks and geese. Later he finds the cock pale and half dead lying on the ground with vultures circling. Serves you right you horny c**t says farmer... shhh replies the cock, they are about to land.

3 sisters, Ann, Jan and Fanny all have big feet. Ann and Jan go on a double date... One of the boys remarks, Jesus, you have big feet!!! Ann replies, If you think they are big, you should see our Fannies, they are huge!!!

An old lady goes to the doctors. She sits down, drops her knickers and lifts her leg... Wait a minute says the doctor, I'm not a gynaecologist!!! I know she says, but it's the valentines ball at the seniors club the night and my husband needs his teeth back.

Some c**t chapped my door last night about 11.30... said, can you give me a push!!! Thought to myself, no f****n snow now, must be a flat battery... so I says, give me 2 mins till I put me boots on.... out I go, no sign of him!!! Where are you, I shouted? On the swings was the reply!!!

shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, keep it to yourself..

My head is thumpin!!!

Whats that f*****g racket in here!!! And the smell, did i mention the smell???

My bird thinks I'm a stalker.....well, she isn't actually my bird yet....

I bought a new perfum for my girlfriend called chloroform......but she doesn't like it. She says it makes her sleepy and her bum sore!!!