A very strange day

[Stavross 17,263]

I’m not quite sure why I’m putting this on here, but I’m half a bottle of whiskey in and I’m wondering if I’ve done the right thing ( I think I have) 

quick story, earlier today I got a text saying “ I’ve been given your number and think you would be able to tell me about my dad and how he died “

the text was from the son of my best friend from 26 years ago who died from a heroin overdose when his son was just 7 months old 

after a phone call it turned out that no one in his family has ever told him what happened, mainly because someone else in the family ( who is still alive) was heavily involved but not responsible for his death, he said it’s taken him 6 years to find me because he only knew my first name and after his dad died I walked away from what I was involved in and all the people around me at that time 

anyway, I invited him to come to my house, sat the lad down and told him everything, how his dad died, who was involved, reasons why I think nobody has ever spoken to him about it, I told him things I’ve never told anyone so hopefully he understands a bit more about his dad and the type of lifestyle we were involved in back then and most of all, what a good bloke he was. Speaking to him it became apparent that all his family keeping this from him has ripped his family apart, no longer sees his mam or sisters, his nanna refuses to talk about it and his uncle who like me knows exactly what happened says he doesn’t know anything, I hope he got the answers he was looking for and that he can make it up with his mam and sisters because when they said to him they didn’t know what led to his death from a heroin overdose when he’d never taken it before they were telling the truth 

on another note, when he arrived at my house he sat on the sofa and I genuinely couldn’t speak, it was a very strange feeling, looking at him was like looking at my mate and now the lads 27 just a couple of years younger than his dad when he died

Edited May 29 by Stavross

[mC HULL 14,974]

11 minutes ago, Stavross said:

I’m not quite sure why I’m putting this on here, but I’m half a bottle of whiskey in and I’m wondering if I’ve done the right thing ( I think I have) 

quick story, earlier today I got a text saying “ I’ve been given your number and think you would be able to tell me about my dad and how he died “

the text was from the son of my best friend from 26 years ago who died from a heroin overdose when his son was just 7 months old 

after a phone call it turned out that no one in his family has ever told him what happened, mainly because someone else in the family ( who is still alive) was heavily involved but not responsible for his death, he said it’s taken him 6 years to find me because he only knew my first name and after his dad died I walked away from what I was involved in and all the people around me at that time 

anyway, I invited him to come to my house, sat the lad down and told him everything, how his dad died, who was involved, reasons why I think nobody has ever spoken to him about it, I told him things I’ve never told anyone so hopefully he understands a bit more about his dad and the type of lifestyle we were involved in back then and most of all, what a good bloke he was. Speaking to him it became apparent that all his family keeping this from him has ripped his family apart, no longer sees his mam or sisters, his nanna refuses to talk about it and his uncle who like me knows exactly what happened says he doesn’t know anything, I hope he got the answers he was looking for and that he can make it up with his mam and sisters because when they said to him they didn’t know what led to his death from a heroin overdose when he’d never taken it before they were telling the truth 

on another note, when he arrived at my house he sat on the sofa and I genuinely couldn’t speak, it was a very strange feeling, looking at him was like looking at my mate and now the lads 27 just a couple of years younger than his dad when he died

poor kid got answers mate you have to be content with that 

im waiting for it with me niece her dad died when she was 5 shes 16 now just had first kid i should a been about more really but it hard you have to think uncle mam sister how hard it is for them thinking back reliving it aswell it’ll been rough on them 

[mel b 3,244]

3 hours ago, Stavross said:

I’m not quite sure why I’m putting this on here, but I’m half a bottle of whiskey in and I’m wondering if I’ve done the right thing ( I think I have) 

quick story, earlier today I got a text saying “ I’ve been given your number and think you would be able to tell me about my dad and how he died “

the text was from the son of my best friend from 26 years ago who died from a heroin overdose when his son was just 7 months old 

after a phone call it turned out that no one in his family has ever told him what happened, mainly because someone else in the family ( who is still alive) was heavily involved but not responsible for his death, he said it’s taken him 6 years to find me because he only knew my first name and after his dad died I walked away from what I was involved in and all the people around me at that time 

anyway, I invited him to come to my house, sat the lad down and told him everything, how his dad died, who was involved, reasons why I think nobody has ever spoken to him about it, I told him things I’ve never told anyone so hopefully he understands a bit more about his dad and the type of lifestyle we were involved in back then and most of all, what a good bloke he was. Speaking to him it became apparent that all his family keeping this from him has ripped his family apart, no longer sees his mam or sisters, his nanna refuses to talk about it and his uncle who like me knows exactly what happened says he doesn’t know anything, I hope he got the answers he was looking for and that he can make it up with his mam and sisters because when they said to him they didn’t know what led to his death from a heroin overdose when he’d never taken it before they were telling the truth 

on another note, when he arrived at my house he sat on the sofa and I genuinely couldn’t speak, it was a very strange feeling, looking at him was like looking at my mate and now the lads 27 just a couple of years younger than his dad when he died

You've done the right thing stav. Hopefully it'll help the lad to find some sort of closure, and make peace with himself , and with his family.

In defence of his family . It might just be too painful for them to talk about.

Life can be f***ing heartbreaking at times mate.

[Arry 23,861]

7 hours ago, Stavross said:

I’m not quite sure why I’m putting this on here, but I’m half a bottle of whiskey in and I’m wondering if I’ve done the right thing ( I think I have) 

quick story, earlier today I got a text saying “ I’ve been given your number and think you would be able to tell me about my dad and how he died “

the text was from the son of my best friend from 26 years ago who died from a heroin overdose when his son was just 7 months old 

after a phone call it turned out that no one in his family has ever told him what happened, mainly because someone else in the family ( who is still alive) was heavily involved but not responsible for his death, he said it’s taken him 6 years to find me because he only knew my first name and after his dad died I walked away from what I was involved in and all the people around me at that time 

anyway, I invited him to come to my house, sat the lad down and told him everything, how his dad died, who was involved, reasons why I think nobody has ever spoken to him about it, I told him things I’ve never told anyone so hopefully he understands a bit more about his dad and the type of lifestyle we were involved in back then and most of all, what a good bloke he was. Speaking to him it became apparent that all his family keeping this from him has ripped his family apart, no longer sees his mam or sisters, his nanna refuses to talk about it and his uncle who like me knows exactly what happened says he doesn’t know anything, I hope he got the answers he was looking for and that he can make it up with his mam and sisters because when they said to him they didn’t know what led to his death from a heroin overdose when he’d never taken it before they were telling the truth 

on another note, when he arrived at my house he sat on the sofa and I genuinely couldn’t speak, it was a very strange feeling, looking at him was like looking at my mate and now the lads 27 just a couple of years younger than his dad when he died

Well done Stav not uneasy one that. Seeing that Lad the image of his Father and your mate must have rocked you to the ground. The truth coming out is the best thing IMO and I'm sure will be the best for the Lad as the wondering the not knowing was torturing him. 

Atb.

Cheers Arry

[FLATTOP 4,878]

You done the right thing Stav that poor lad would have had years of frustration and anger relieved in that one meeting with you, which his family was not able to give him for whatever their reasons. 

[fireman 11,236]

Going to sound a bit harsh here but you hopfully will understand, but no one makes someone take enough to od as that is down to the user and sometimes we sailed close to the wind and some sail that bit to close. I myself don't have enough fingers and toes to count the amount of pals and friends i have lost to od's and general miss use of drugs and booze and have brought round more than i ever should have folk who have od'd. That family member must have lived with guilt for years as just being there when someone dies is a headfuck in itself,but maybe scoring with the fella or as you say being closely involved and knowing the rest of the family hate you for it is a hard thing to live with. Your pals son will have some peace over it as he'll know your pal didn't mean to die and it's a sad accident, he will have some frustrating times as he thinks about what a sad waste of life it was,but you did right Stav and with luck you can meet him again and some good stories about his dad you can tell him and he'll learn what sort of chap he was as by the sound of it that's all he want to know..  Forgive me if my post is a bit odd it's one that has brought some fecking memories back and have shed a tear over it, but i have smiled as well as some of those folks were wonderful people who just burned that bit to bright..

Fare play for walking away Stav and living a life,, i myself am a few of the lucky ones..

 

[Stavross 17,263]

1 hour ago, fireman said:

Going to sound a bit harsh here but you hopfully will understand, but no one makes someone take enough to od as that is down to the user and sometimes we sailed close to the wind and some sail that bit to close. I myself don't have enough fingers and toes to count the amount of pals and friends i have lost to od's and general miss use of drugs and booze and have brought round more than i ever should have folk who have od'd. That family member must have lived with guilt for years as just being there when someone dies is a headfuck in itself,but maybe scoring with the fella or as you say being closely involved and knowing the rest of the family hate you for it is a hard thing to live with. Your pals son will have some peace over it as he'll know your pal didn't mean to die and it's a sad accident, he will have some frustrating times as he thinks about what a sad waste of life it was,but you did right Stav and with luck you can meet him again and some good stories about his dad you can tell him and he'll learn what sort of chap he was as by the sound of it that's all he want to know..  Forgive me if my post is a bit odd it's one that has brought some fecking memories back and have shed a tear over it, but i have smiled as well as some of those folks were wonderful people who just burned that bit to bright..

Fare play for walking away Stav and living a life,, i myself am a few of the lucky ones..

 

Just reading your post you clearly get it, I did my best to explain to the lad that the other family member, although a complete rat of a man had no idea what his dad was about to do and the guilt of the little thing he did must of eaten him up from the day he died and no matter how he could try to explain it, he would always be shown in a bad light, we weren’t involved in taking heroin or crack, we were on the other side of fence, after my friends death the other family member spiralled out of control, crack was his downfall and when he robbed two suppliers and a car from my mate and done one back to South Shields the wheels fully came off, after someone attempted to have me kidnapped, that was it for me, this wasn’t the life I wanted 

meeting him has brought back a lot of memories, I’ve never talked about this time in my life to anyone and telling the wife about it felt really strange, it was almost like telling her about someone I used to know, I think I would of felt more comfortable telling the wife he was my long lost son rather then the type of person I used to be ( lol )

[mackem 29,243]

2 minutes ago, Stavross said:

Just reading your post you clearly get it, I did my best to explain to the lad that the other family member, although a complete rat of a man had no idea what his dad was about to do and the guilt of the little thing he did must of eaten him up from the day he died and no matter how he could try to explain it, he would always be shown in a bad light, we weren’t involved in taking heroin or crack, we were on the other side of fence, after my friends death the other family member spiralled out of control, crack was his downfall and when he robbed two suppliers and a car from my mate and done one back to South Shields the wheels fully came off, after someone attempted to have me kidnapped, that was it for me, this wasn’t the life I wanted 

meeting him has brought back a lot of memories, I’ve never talked about this time in my life to anyone and telling the wife about it felt really strange, it was almost like telling her about someone I used to know, I think I would of felt more comfortable telling the wife he was my long lost son rather then the type of person I used to be ( lol )

I understand you,somethings you can't tell anyone,you aren't who you were,your a different person now,be happy in that.

[NEWKID 28,044]

52 minutes ago, Stavross said:

Just reading your post you clearly get it, I did my best to explain to the lad that the other family member, although a complete rat of a man had no idea what his dad was about to do and the guilt of the little thing he did must of eaten him up from the day he died and no matter how he could try to explain it, he would always be shown in a bad light, we weren’t involved in taking heroin or crack, we were on the other side of fence, after my friends death the other family member spiralled out of control, crack was his downfall and when he robbed two suppliers and a car from my mate and done one back to South Shields the wheels fully came off, after someone attempted to have me kidnapped, that was it for me, this wasn’t the life I wanted 

meeting him has brought back a lot of memories, I’ve never talked about this time in my life to anyone and telling the wife about it felt really strange, it was almost like telling her about someone I used to know, I think I would of felt more comfortable telling the wife he was my long lost son rather then the type of person I used to be ( lol )

You come over as a very decent fella on here mate....we all have pasts that are far removed from our present and hopefully our futures, as you get older you value some of the lessons your past haz taught you... I can see from your posts you'll never go back to that old life, and I reckon you may form a friendship with this you g lad which he will value, as you are the link to his past as well... you done a good thing mate, keep your head held high.. 

[Waz 4,287]

14 hours ago, Stavross said:

I’m not quite sure why I’m putting this on here, but I’m half a bottle of whiskey in and I’m wondering if I’ve done the right thing ( I think I have) 

quick story, earlier today I got a text saying “ I’ve been given your number and think you would be able to tell me about my dad and how he died “

the text was from the son of my best friend from 26 years ago who died from a heroin overdose when his son was just 7 months old 

after a phone call it turned out that no one in his family has ever told him what happened, mainly because someone else in the family ( who is still alive) was heavily involved but not responsible for his death, he said it’s taken him 6 years to find me because he only knew my first name and after his dad died I walked away from what I was involved in and all the people around me at that time 

anyway, I invited him to come to my house, sat the lad down and told him everything, how his dad died, who was involved, reasons why I think nobody has ever spoken to him about it, I told him things I’ve never told anyone so hopefully he understands a bit more about his dad and the type of lifestyle we were involved in back then and most of all, what a good bloke he was. Speaking to him it became apparent that all his family keeping this from him has ripped his family apart, no longer sees his mam or sisters, his nanna refuses to talk about it and his uncle who like me knows exactly what happened says he doesn’t know anything, I hope he got the answers he was looking for and that he can make it up with his mam and sisters because when they said to him they didn’t know what led to his death from a heroin overdose when he’d never taken it before they were telling the truth 

on another note, when he arrived at my house he sat on the sofa and I genuinely couldn’t speak, it was a very strange feeling, looking at him was like looking at my mate and now the lads 27 just a couple of years younger than his dad when he died

Stavross, I got goosebumps reading that, theirs no right or wrong in that situation, you done what you felt right. So do not dwell or beat yourself up about it if you can help it.

[Borr 7,312]

Fair play, we'd all want the truth in that lads situation, you've given him some closure , well done that man....

[Dinosaurs 2,142]

Tbh bud after reading your post I think you did right by the lad & if your mate could comment think he’d think the same. The son had every right to know the truth. Welldone. Atb

[gnasher16 30,873]

Fair play you did the right thing and a reasonable outcome for all involved........but what if the father had been an out and out shitbag.....would you have told him that or sugar coated it ?...see ive been in that position also....a 14 year old boy coming to me asking what his dead father was like.....nothing to do with drugs his Dad was just a complete f****n lunatic who got killed over a piddly 4 figure debt......how do you tell a kid that his father was a f****n idiot who was trying to prove a point but was way out of his depth.

Thankfully this lad even as a teenager was way more switched on than his father was and with a little bit of love and kindness has gone on to have a nice " normal " life as a Ryanair engineer of all things.....no big deal but im proud of the fact that a two bob kid out of the flats with a nutcase for a father came to me for help and advice,lived with me for 2 years while sorting himself out now has a " normal " house,a " normal " job and a " normal " family into his early 20's....with no permanent scars.

Good for you mate these generational conflicts however uncomfortable,are important to pave the way for growth as men.

[Stavross 17,263]

4 minutes ago, gnasher16 said:

Fair play you did the right thing and a reasonable outcome for all involved........but what if the father had been an out and out shitbag.....would you have told him that or sugar coated it ?...see ive been in that position also....a 14 year old boy coming to me asking what his dead father was like.....nothing to do with drugs his Dad was just a complete f****n lunatic who got killed over a piddly 4 figure debt......how do you tell a kid that his father was a f****n idiot who was trying to prove a point but was way out of his depth.

Thankfully this lad even as a teenager was way more switched on than his father was and with a little bit of love and kindness has gone on to have a nice " normal " life as a Ryanair engineer of all things.....no big deal but im proud of the fact that a two bob kid out of the flats with a nutcase for a father came to me for help and advice,lived with me for 2 years while sorting himself out now has a " normal " house,a " normal " job and a " normal " family into his early 20's....with no permanent scars.

Good for you mate these generational conflicts however uncomfortable,are important to pave the way for growth as men.

I never sugar coated anything, I told him things I’ve never told anyone in a hope that he would understand in some part the lifestyle we were involved in, I told him things that I maybe shouldn’t have but people have lied to him all of his life and I said I would tell him everything, so that’s what I did

if he’d of been a kid I’m not sure I could of told him the truth but as a 27 year old man, hopefully he knows how to deal with what we talked about 

[gnasher16 30,873]

5 minutes ago, Stavross said:

I never sugar coated anything, I told him things I’ve never told anyone in a hope that he would understand in some part the lifestyle we were involved in, I told him things that I maybe shouldn’t have but people have lied to him all of his life and I said I would tell him everything, so that’s what I did

if he’d of been a kid I’m not sure I could of told him the truth but as a 27 year old man, hopefully he knows how to deal with what we talked about 

I think it takes some courage to weigh up the person/kid in front of you and make that decision....the easy choice is to bat it away and let someone else deal with it but you sound similar to my mindset of " theres a good lad here " .....tell him the truth and let the chips fall where they may,or let social services get their claws into him....thankfully i judged his character rightly and knew he could take what i told him....as things stand im pretty sure i can trust this 23 year old boy with my life....generational growth.