How socialty has changed

[riohog 5,657]

2 minutes ago, jetro said:

I didnt know what psychological demons were till later in life. The only demons I knew about came out of the bible LOL. 

It just wasn't the physical beatings,, got over that fairly fast, it was the consent verble abuse that was the worst. Could never do right. Never praised or encouraged in any of my work or interests.

Atb j 

just put it to bed now pal   they were different days  

[jetro 5,349]

2 minutes ago, Blackmag said:

True that jetro if my old man caught you not using them he would belt you no fecks given were it were we all had jobs whilst at school milk rounds setting market stalls up or in the slaughter house cleaning he instilled a work ethic in us from a young age 

Hard work was everything, and to have pride in your work as well, nothing half assed,  or you'd pay dearly for it.

I know a lot of it was hard, and wrong as well, but I can't help feel it made me a better person in some strange way. 

Hard to explain. 

Atb j 

[jetro 5,349]

9 minutes ago, sandymere said:

I've never smacked my kids, hopefully never will, my old man would bonce me off the walls, it didn't teach me anything other than how to hide things from him. It's better to reward good behaviour until it becomes the norm, a word of praise is worth more than a belt, I reckon if you have to revert to hitting them then you've already failed. Teach then to respect themselves and those around them and you won't go far wrong.

Very well put. 

If you feel you have to beat your child, then you have failed as a parent.

Hitting kids is so not right, or the answer.

I never raided a finger to my kids. Roared on occasion, but that's all. Helped and encouraged them all the way.

Didn't spoil them, but rewarded them. 

It paid off for them today

Atb j 

[jetro 5,349]

3 minutes ago, riohog said:

just put it to bed now pal   they were different days  

I made my pace years ago with it. 

As you said, differant days

Atb j 

[Blackmag 5,894]

3 minutes ago, jetro said:

Hard work was everything, and to have pride in your work as well, nothing half assed,  or you'd pay dearly for it.

I know a lot of it was hard, and wrong as well, but I can't help feel it made me a better person in some strange way. 

Hard to explain. 

Atb j 

My old man was big in to digging he promised me if I kept the yard clean for a month he would get me a lurcher he was true to his word only he shot it 3 month later for yapping I was heart broke next day he replace him not a word said about Prince just said  got you a pup I couldn't be that hard with my lads but he didn't bat a eye over it years later when I asked him about it he just said he didn't work to a standard I expect he was half hearted 

[Ken's Deputy 4,456]

13 minutes ago, jetro said:

I made my pace years ago with it.

You're a pace maker?

[jetro 5,349]

3 minutes ago, Blackmag said:

My old man was big in to digging he promised me if I kept the yard clean for a month he would get me a lurcher he was true to his word only he shot it 3 month later for yapping I was heart broke next day he replace him not a word said about Prince just said  got you a pup I couldn't be that hard with my lads but he didn't bat a eye over it years later when I asked him about it he just said he didn't work to a standard I expect he was half hearted 

My father had no interest what so ever in hunting, therefore I wasn't allowed to either. 

Same with the bikes, I love motorbikes, he didn't, so wasn't to have one.  I bought one, he found it, gave me a hiding and scraped the bike. 

Same with shooting, I went shooting with a friend, he went nuts. 

In the end I moved in with my grandmother when I was 14 or 15, safer option.

Atb j 

[jetro 5,349]

4 minutes ago, Ken's Deputy said:

You're a pace maker?

Peace

Bloody auto correct 

Atb j 

[Blackmag 5,894]

out of likes sid All my family were slaughter men and worked dogs my grandad was harder than my old man i think I mentioned this  before they use to say a dog is either a sleeper or a keeper we use to keep are ferrets down the allotment because of the terriers all kept on chains in there kennels on a big concrete slab  no pens then as you know and my grandad use to brew home brew in his cabin I saw him and his mate  many a time staggering home pushing there bikes   

[Welsh_red 4,358]

I can only speak for myself as the right parenting for all people is different . For me i like to think ive found it quite easy and i can split it into 2 phases .

One phase when their babys.  My dad told me dont worry about anything with baby's,  all u got to do is make sure they got food/milk and got a clean nappy . Thats it . I took that as my main aim and everything else followed suit 

Phase 2 as a youngster i just show interest in them which isnt hard because their my kids . I sit and listen to my boy telling me all about school,  who did what , who did that , who scored hatrick at break , who nuttmegged who etc. All his computer stuff , all his gripes and moanes . I listen to my daughter natter on about the boy on her table who doesnt listen and gets told off etc . Its not that hard . When their away once a year on holiday with my mum me and mrs miss them like mad,  we tell everyone "its nice to have some time to ourselves , nice to have quiet " but its not really .

Every parent does parenting differently and that is fine with me. I have been a avid "swearer" since childhood . Its part of my speech now and as much as i have tried to stop or curb it in front if the kids i cant , some people would hold it against me  . I dont know how much my kids weighed when they were born, when they first started walking , what size shoes they are . I just dont retain stuff like that and dont really consider it that important to me. But i do know my daughters mood from her walk. I know my sons happyness from his wave as he walks past the living room as he walks past . I do know that they cant wait for me to get back from work and how upset they were when i worked a month non stop 14 hour days this year for extra money . I also know that when i shout at them for doing wrong their more dissapointed than angy at me because when they've done wrong and their getting a bollocking i will dissect all reasons why their in the shit . Ill finish it it with "do you understand why im pissed off with you " " good , now explain to me what youve done"  

I try not to criticise ir condemn style of parenting (obviously unless its nasty) because were all different 

But i do know that in a lifetime of little regrets that have set me back and absolutly stupid decisions made in my life having kids was the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life . They have given me a perfect focus in my life instead of just coasting through.  Im sat here at the moment with my 10 year old boy sat next to me watching the pre punditry of the Man Utd game silently hoping i let him stay up to watch some of it (i havnt decided yet). My daughter whose 9 got home with my mrs 10 mins ago from checking their horses and has got changed into her pjs because she fell into mud . Shes been getting abuse from me and the boy saying shes drunk and shes giving us serious side eye. I love having kids 

[dytkos 17,541]

1 hour ago, riohog said:

allthough my farther has been dead  over 40 years   , i didnt like the man and fkd off at 16  ,saying that maybe his upbringing was to do with alot of things he wasnt a violent man by any meens but very victorian views ,but i was allways fed and clothed well so im sure he did his best ,,  

Exactly the same for me, my old man died when I was 19, I moved out as soon as I was 18, got on better for the last year or so of his life, wish it could have been different but shit happens.

Cheers, D.

[riohog 5,657]

9 minutes ago, dytkos said:

Exactly the same for me, my old man died when I was 19, I moved out as soon as I was 18, got on better for the last year or so of his life, wish it could have been different but shit happens.

Cheers, D.

i was 25 when he died i was with him when he took his last breath, but id made my own way since i was 16  he didnt understand my choices  but he realised he could no longer control me ,

[Greb147 6,808]

One of the reasons I'm thinking of getting out of my job is the lack of family time it offers. 

Having lost my grandfather in April last year and my grandmother on Christmas day it's made me realise how fast time flies and would like to make the most of the years I have with my own mother and father. 

[king 11,681]

My old man went when I was 4yr old.seen him once in my life when I was in hospital ill about 8yr old.

I knocked his front door when I was 18 he opened the door I said I'm looking for lester he's my father.he looked at me and said he doesn't live here he lives down the street.and closed the door..there's some father ey..

 

 

[Blackmag 5,894]

Is loss mate not yours and it says more about him than you at least you can say you have always been there for your lads