Your Autobiography......

[Accip74 7,112]

6 minutes ago, jukel123 said:

'I got lucky I met my wife'.

No really, ( she doesn't read the tripe I write on here.) By far the best thing that ever happened to me was meeting her.Pity she was penniless, but still my biggest break in life.

 I'll er, get my coat.

I feel the same, but I was the penniless one......

[jukel123 9,226]

40 minutes ago, Accip74 said:

I feel the same, but I was the penniless one......

You're one of those fellas that's always got to be one better than everybody else! If If  been to Teneriffe you've been to elevenoriffe.

[Blackbriar 8,569]

2 minutes ago, jukel123 said:

You're one of those fellas that's always got to be one better than everybody else! If If  been to Teneriffe you've been to elevenoriffe.

I've never heard of Elevenoriffe ! Is it nice this time of year ?

[bird 10,014]

2 things   for me,   1st  , i wished  i tried harder at school , ok  i always be thick prat lol, but i might have got better education  and had   decent  job , and not the  kind of heavy manual type jobs that fooked my back up , that what my wife says to me regular  , thank god my son done well at school he  got good job, he wont end up like me . 2nd  and this is mr big   booze  , it got me in to some bad scrapes , could have so easily  ended up in Nick , like most  people  you do things and say that you wouldn't   sober . so  2   things   , i change if i  write about my life , i think as well as i am now getting  a old fart , your memory  deff starts to get worse , but for some reason i get flash backs  from the past , and i think what bloody waste , my younger brother  who 60,  came over from france  where lives now, to see his daughter get  married  . he said to me  do you remember  when you  used go out  friday night and not come back until  monday night      lol   he said you did a lot of times  nearly lost your job , and the once you came back bust up , somebody gave you good hiding , i said yeh  waking up in strange house with different women , and the above    nearly killed   me   had bruised ribs   bust hand , i glad i changed   cut the booze down , calmed down  , he never been like me  he didnt want to be  ,  he said, i said yeh you got more sense   lol  

[darbo 4,779]

Wasted my time and energy on people who in the end didnt appreciate it or deserve it.

[Blackbriar 8,569]

1 hour ago, bird said:

2 things   for me,   1st  , i wished  i tried harder at school , ok  i always be thick prat lol, but i might have got better education  and had   decent  job , and not the  kind of heavy manual type jobs that fooked my back up , that what my wife says to me regular  , thank god my son done well at school he  got good job, he wont end up like me . 2nd  and this is mr big   booze  , it got me in to some bad scrapes , could have so easily  ended up in Nick , like most  people  you do things and say that you wouldn't   sober . so  2   things   , i change if i  write about my life , i think as well as i am now getting  a old fart , your memory  deff starts to get worse , but for some reason i get flash backs  from the past , and i think what bloody waste , my younger brother  who 60,  came over from france  where lives now, to see his daughter get  married  . he said to me  do you remember  when you  used go out  friday night and not come back until  monday night      lol   he said you did a lot of times  nearly lost your job , and the once you came back bust up , somebody gave you good hiding , i said yeh  waking up in strange house with different women , and the above    nearly killed   me   had bruised ribs   bust hand , i glad i changed   cut the booze down , calmed down  , he never been like me  he didnt want to be  ,  he said, i said yeh you got more sense   lol  

We'll never fit that on a book cover, mate...........

[jukel123 9,226]

2 hours ago, Blackbriar said:

I've never heard of Elevenoriffe ! Is it nice this time of year ?

Oh my God, you really must do your research. It's prohibitively expensive for some of course. But it's much, much better than anywhere else. Weather always delightful and the people one meets so refined.Do save up and try it....if you feel comfortable with a higher class of holiday maker of course. Have you tried Blackpool? You may find that experience much more to your taste.

Edited November 6, 2017 by jukel123

[THE STIFFMEISTER 16,740]

Wilfs would be 

"Gullibles Travels : the life and times of a complete f***ing idiot" 

 

 

[THE STIFFMEISTER 16,740]

Mine would be 

"To Aesgard and back : the expeditions of an airborne colossus"

wade through a sea of blood with stiffy as he recounts a life lived on the very cusp of greatness, tales of   Midnight journeys on the a1, Saturday shopping massacres and waking up with broken phone screens.you will be gripped and enthralled and left aghast as our hero goes to though life in nothing but a pair of Nike flip flops and skills to make bear grills and Michael Jordan feel inadequate . Wether on the sports field, the hunting landscape or the battle field , marvel at this giant amongst midgets " 

 

"probably the best book I've read this week" Stevie wonder 

"Every thing I've ever done , stiffy did first and better" Ralph fiennes 

"this c**t still owes me twenty quid from basic training" Fieldcmarshall Montgomery 

available at all Poundlands now 

Edited November 6, 2017 by THE STIFFMEISTER

[Blackbriar 8,569]

2 hours ago, jukel123 said:

Oh my God, you really must do your research. It's prohibitively expensive for some of course. But it's much, much better than anywhere else. Weather always delightful and the people one meets so refined.Do save up and try it....if you feel comfortable with a higher class of holiday maker of course. Have you tried Blackpool? You may find that experience much more to your taste.

Cheeky fecker !

I'm more of a Skeggy man........

[ChrisJones 7,975]

17 minutes ago, F@ Larry said:

or one man an his bog

West Ham To Wild Ham?

[Blackbriar 8,569]

I asked the good lady what hers would be called. She said "Did I really eat all that ?" would be fitting !

I decided to maintain a diplomatic silence........

[WILF 49,506]

5 hours ago, THE STIFFMEISTER said:

Mine would be 

"To Aesgard and back : the expeditions of an airborne colossus"

wade through a sea of blood with stiffy as he recounts a life lived on the very cusp of greatness, tales of   Midnight journeys on the a1, Saturday shopping massacres and waking up with broken phone screens.you will be gripped and enthralled and left aghast as our hero goes to though life in nothing but a pair of Nike flip flops and skills to make bear grills and Michael Jordan feel inadequate . Wether on the sports field, the hunting landscape or the battle field , marvel at this giant amongst midgets " 

 

"probably the best book I've read this week" Stevie wonder 

"Every thing I've ever done , stiffy did first and better" Ralph fiennes 

"this c**t still owes me twenty quid from basic training" Fieldcmarshall Montgomery 

available at all Poundlands now 

Zzzzzzzz........zzzzzzzz.......zzzzzzzz

[stumfelter 3,034]

Have compass will travel.

[peterhunter86 8,627]

19 hours ago, socks said:

Really ... you've got to be shitting me ......

I always thought if you wrote a book you would call it during the war.