Health & Safety ............ Ffs

[Jonjon79 13,358]

I kid you not - this is a risk assessment for giving our customers tea and coffee

 

The entire document, including a detailed procedure, is 7 pages - Wtf

 

It's tea and coffee ffs, not chainsaw juggling

[David.evans 5,323]

Ffts jon , who you offering drinks to ? Zombies

It's a fecin zombie who wrote a that up

Atb

[pesky1972 5,688]

'long carrying distances'! How long can you carry a cup of tea before it has to be considered a hazard? ?

[johnny.w 316]

Tea and coffee carrying is always a hard one to assess. Obviously the longer you carry it the cooler it becomes therefore less of a risk to the clumsy berk carrying it.

[JDHUNTING 1,817]

It's only for coffee, next time someone asks for tea tell them there will need to be a risk assessment first you can never be to careful! ?

[dave88 1,565]

Tell them you need a risk assessment to read their risk assessment...paper's pretty sharp ya know

Edited February 14, 2017 by daveee88

[Dinosaurs 2,150]

When someone asks for a cuppa show them the report & tell them they have to read it first then they have to signnit to say gheyve read & understand the agreement that you & they are entering into..... there face should say it all!! Atb

[cragman 2,843]

I get this all the time where I work, members of the public complaining about the wind, thorns in their fingers and tripping when they're running on uneven ground! Everyone's brainwashed these days into complaining about health and safety. I fill at least two forms a week in like the one above?

[Nik_B 3,791]

I worked on a rig where knives were banned. You would have to go to the OIM and request a cutting tool which you would have to sign out for your job. They were so zealous over HSE that someone was spotted cutting a bread roll towards himself using a bread knife and we had a foul mouthed announcement over the tannoy that if this happened again they would confiscate all knives from the galley

 

I hated working in the North Sea, we had to do risk assessments for everything and there was something called STOP tours where you had to walk around looking for unsafe things or acts. As we had a unit that we worked inside every man and his dog would always do theirs on us so they didn't have to be outside. As soon as they had finished drilling the well and were preparing to move the rig safety would go out the window because the oil company wanted to save money and get everyone off the rig so the whole thing was pointless.

[Born Hunter 17,960]

The site I work on won't allow you to walk while talking on your mobile phone. Bare in mind there are also footpaths marked out with yellow paint and the site is almost entirely offices! Oh and you get a bollocking for crossing the yellow lines too.

 

You also have to hold banisters while using the office stairs.....

 

And these aren't advisory either folks, people actually enforce them! What sort of jobsworth c**t thinks they have a social duty to do that sort of shit?

 

Oh and we also have a monthly 'walk around' where selected staff members have to walk around looking for potential hazards like loose cables and untidy work areas! It's f***ing pathetic.

[Nik_B 3,791]

The site I work on won't allow you to walk while talking on your mobile phone. Bare in mind there are also footpaths marked out with yellow paint and the site is almost entirely offices! Oh and you get a bollocking for crossing the yellow lines too.

 

You also have to hold banisters while using the office stairs.....

 

And these aren't advisory either folks, people actually enforce them! What sort of jobsworth c**t thinks they have a social duty to do that sort of shit?

 

Oh and we also have a monthly 'walk around' where selected staff members have to walk around looking for potential hazards like loose cables and untidy work areas! It's f***ing pathetic.

 

Yep thats the STOP tour, we have to do them several times a week! As we were a service company it was a quick way to get hated by the rig crew so I would make all of mine up.

 

We had a really annoying HSE guy in Aberdeen, he was always banging on about holding hand rails and reverse parking (which is safer in case of a fire LOL) one day some one spotted him carrying his bike up a flight of stairs without holding the hand rail so they put a STOP card in about him...

[Born Hunter 17,960]

 

The site I work on won't allow you to walk while talking on your mobile phone. Bare in mind there are also footpaths marked out with yellow paint and the site is almost entirely offices! Oh and you get a bollocking for crossing the yellow lines too.

 

You also have to hold banisters while using the office stairs.....

 

And these aren't advisory either folks, people actually enforce them! What sort of jobsworth c**t thinks they have a social duty to do that sort of shit?

 

Oh and we also have a monthly 'walk around' where selected staff members have to walk around looking for potential hazards like loose cables and untidy work areas! It's f***ing pathetic.

 

Yep thats the STOP tour, we have to do them several times a week! As we were a service company it was a quick way to get hated by the rig crew so I would make all of mine up.

 

We had a really annoying HSE guy in Aberdeen, he was always banging on about holding hand rails and reverse parking (which is safer in case of a fire LOL) one day some one spotted him carrying his bike up a flight of stairs without holding the hand rail so they put a STOP card in about him...

 

 

Oh f**k me you've reminded me of another, reverse parking! God forbid you just swing ya car into the pissy tiny spaces rather than reverse in.

 

We have those card things too. You can anonymously snitch on any c**t for any safety reason using them or immediately demand they stop work. We call em summat different though, can't remember.

 

We also have all the online corporate courses to do, which are a complete bureaucratic waste of time.

 

I'm sure the guys in the mining industry have all this but they seem way more 'f**k it, just crack on' than the oilfield culture.

[greg64 3,063]

The site I work on won't allow you to walk while talking on your mobile phone. Bare in mind there are also footpaths marked out with yellow paint and the site is almost entirely offices! Oh and you get a bollocking for crossing the yellow lines too.

 

You also have to hold banisters while using the office stairs.....

 

And these aren't advisory either folks, people actually enforce them! What sort of jobsworth c**t thinks they have a social duty to do that sort of shit?

 

Oh and we also have a monthly 'walk around' where selected staff members have to walk around looking for potential hazards like loose cables and untidy work areas! It's f***ing pathetic.

so you would not be able to get up the stairs while carrying a cup of coffee in each hand

[Born Hunter 17,960]

 

The site I work on won't allow you to walk while talking on your mobile phone. Bare in mind there are also footpaths marked out with yellow paint and the site is almost entirely offices! Oh and you get a bollocking for crossing the yellow lines too.

 

You also have to hold banisters while using the office stairs.....

 

And these aren't advisory either folks, people actually enforce them! What sort of jobsworth c**t thinks they have a social duty to do that sort of shit?

 

Oh and we also have a monthly 'walk around' where selected staff members have to walk around looking for potential hazards like loose cables and untidy work areas! It's f***ing pathetic.

so you would not be able to get up the stairs while carrying a cup of coffee in each hand

 

 

God no, not safely!

[The one 8,594]

Where there's blame there's a claim how did we get by with out all this shit before all these arseholes i wasnt told so im going to sue you

common sense isnt as common as you think

i want to see the h&s sheet on them mozzarella dipper from Mcdonalds cold on the outside red hot on the inside