Funny Joke Thread

[bob.243 7,540]

[jetro 5,349]

[Furrosious ferreter 499]

Wearing a nasa t shirt too!

FF

[Mickey Finn 2,710]

[Mickey Finn 2,710]

 

Edited April 12, 2020 by Mickey Finn

[EDDIE B 3,120]

[TheShootingTog 2,211]

[bob.243 7,540]

[Ted Newgent 4,896]

[Jonjon79 13,340]

[jetro 5,349]

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and  would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store  and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed  store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However,  struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his  entire purchases home. 

While he was scratching his head he was approached  by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The farmer said, "Well, as  a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you  there but I can't carry this lot". 

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't  you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand,  put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?  'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl  home. On the way he says, 'Let's take my short cut and go down this  alley'. We'll be there in no time. 

The little old lady looked him over  cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend  me.' How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up  against the wall, and have your way with me? 

The farmer said, 'Holy  smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and  a goose. "How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the  wall and do that?" 

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him  with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the  chickens.'.......

[jetro 5,349]

[jetro 5,349]

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence" the farmer said. "This is a special day for me, I am celebrating." 
"This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating," said the woman.
"What a coincidence!" said the farmer. 
As they clinked glasses he added, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!"
"What a coincidence!" said the man. 
"I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" said the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I used a different cock," he replied.
The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, "What a coincidence!"

[kanny 19,389]

[Mickey Finn 2,710]