Funny Joke Thread

[Haiddheliwr 1,911]

Bored today so I phoned the RSPCA. I said "Hello just walking in the wood and I found a suitcase with a vixen and 4 cubs inside" The inspector said "That's awful Sir are they moving? I said "Not sure but that would explain the suitcase"

[boyo 1,398]

Little Johnny gets up in the night for a pee & as he's crossing the landing he hears a banging noise from his mum & dads room so he looks in & see's his dad shagging his mum the dad looks up laughs & chucks a pillow at him & says get back to bed. A little while later the dad goes to the bathroom & on the way hears a lot of banging noise comming from the grans bedroom so he looks in & theres little Jonny shagging the gran... Horrified the dad shouts Jonny what the bloody hell do you think your doin?? Ha says Jonny Not so Funny when its your Mum is it!!!

[nans pat 2,575]

cris eubanks snr is writing a book about ethics.

if it sells well hes gonna write one about kent.lol

[Blackbriar 8,568]

A policeman seeking to join the London Met's Firearms Department, is being interviewed.

 

The Commander doing the interview says: "Your qualifications look good, and you've passed all the written exams, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."

 

Sliding a loaded service pistol across the desk, he says: "Take this pistol and go out and shoot 5 illegal immigrants, 3 drug dealers, 10 Muslims, and a rabbit."

 

"Why the rabbit?"

 

"Great attitude", says the Commander. "When can you start?"

[Blackbriar 8,568]

A Paki got run over by a lorry, right outside my house today. Suddenly, I was struck by a terrible thought - "That could have been me !"

 

Then I remembered - I can't drive a lorry !

[delboy_187 900]

Woman says she starting this new sea food diet today "see everything an eat it" ya mean . So I suggested the new brexit diet instead "whats that " garunteed to lose hundreds a pounds in days

[Blackbriar 8,568]

Research has shown that excessive masturbation can cause dyslexia....

 

 

....but noly in texmere casse !

[Blackbriar 8,568]

My dog only responds to commands in Spanish.

 

He's Espanyol !

 

(I'll get my coat.)

[Brewman 1,190]

My dog only responds to commands in Spanish.

He's Espanyol !

(I'll get my coat.)

You were on a roll until that one BB. Lol

[Blackbriar 8,568]

 

My dog only responds to commands in Spanish.

He's Espanyol !

(I'll get my coat.)

You were on a roll until that one BB. Lol

 

 

Try this one for size, Brewie - see if I can redeem myself ?

 

 

A chap goes into a pet shop and says "My wife is looking for a really unusual pet."

The shopkeeper says "What about this ? It's a Mexican Cocksucker frog !"

The fella is a little surprised, but the shopkeeper says "Whip out your old chap, and you'll see for yourself !"

 

So, the man duly complies, the frog opens its huge mouth, and proceeds to give him the best blow job he's ever had - "I'll take it !" he says, and hurries home.

 

Back at home, his wife sees the frog and says "What have you got there ?"

"It's a Mexican Cocksucker frog" he replies.

"Why is it called that ?" she foolishly asks. Her husband proceeds to carry out a repeat performance of the frog's fellatio skills, for her to see.

 

"That's all well and good" she says " but what am I supposed to do with it ?"

 

Her husband says "Teach it to cook, and f*** off !"

[haymin 2,465]

What do you call a paki swimming pool attendant Jahandyirbandinn

[haymin 2,465]

Bit walks into bakers and asked for a wasp , the guy said were a baker we only sell pie and cakes the boy said well you've got one in your window ?

[Brewman 1,190]

 

 

My dog only responds to commands in Spanish.

He's Espanyol !

(I'll get my coat.)

You were on a roll until that one BB. Lol

Try this one for size, Brewie - see if I can redeem myself ?

A chap goes into a pet shop and says "My wife is looking for a really unusual pet."

The shopkeeper says "What about this ? It's a Mexican Cocksucker frog !"

The fella is a little surprised, but the shopkeeper says "Whip out your old chap, and you'll see for yourself !"

So, the man duly complies, the frog opens its huge mouth, and proceeds to give him the best blow job he's ever had - "I'll take it !" he says, and hurries home.

Back at home, his wife sees the frog and says "What have you got there ?"

"It's a Mexican Cocksucker frog" he replies.

"Why is it called that ?" she foolishly asks. Her husband proceeds to carry out a repeat performance of the frog's fellatio skills, for her to see.

"That's all well and good" she says " but what am I supposed to do with it ?"

Her husband says "Teach it to cook, and f*** off !"

Redeemed yourself with honours BB, it gave me a good laugh.

[Craic 203]

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[Craic 203]

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