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About Ossie

  • Rank
    Extreme Hunter
  • Birthday 01/05/1913

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Not Telling
  • Location
    east of everything
  • Interests
    long walks with my lurcher & the poodle-thing, and ferreting. real ale! singing. playing guitar. playing bass. NOT drinking copious amounts of JD and coke, after getting absolutely twatted on new year's eve! meeting like-minded people. putting on womens clothing & hanging round in bars...
  1. Ossie

    hedgehog advice

    i picked up a tiny hoglet one summer a couple of years ago, he was about 3-4 weeks old when i found him, spark-out on someone's driveway and about half an hour off karking it. he was so ill even the fleas had abandoned him. took him home, gave him sugar water to revive him, then fed him on cat food for a few days til i found our local petshop stocked hedgehog food. greedy little bugger, cost a mint to feed. kept him in a box in my bedroom, he'd sit on my lap while i was on the comp, and played catch with a beer bottle top. did a lovely job of getting the fluff out from under the cupboards when he got a bit bigger, and mum's nerves where shot from him escaping his box every day, he went into a rabbit hutch in the garden. gave him lots of newspaper & straw in a cardboard box, and when the weather turned colder he hibernated. i never bothered weighing him, so i just crossed my fingers that he would wake up. luckily he did, and we started his aclimatisation to the wild by putting him in the tortoise's run at night, when the tortoise was indoors. the day before he was due to go to his new home in the woods behind a local manor house, the daft bugger escaped. someone told me you can mark their spines with a bit of paint, so i gave him a blast of halfords "moondust silver" car spray a couple of days before he did a runner. when i found a squashed hedgehog on the road outside our house 6 months later, the identification was easy. getting him off was a bit harder, but a good shovel did the job. he's now buried in the flowerbed. he wasn't too impressed at being sprayed with paint, but obviously the ladies liked his "go faster stripe", as ten little hoglets were sitting in our cat food tray outside the back door not long before Dave's untimely demise. our garden has been heaving with hedghogs ever since
  2. Ossie

    whats the funniest thing u have done out hunting

    out ferreting with a couple of friends in the freezing bloody cold, went to grab a bunny in a net, lost my footing & skidded into a ditch on my arse, tried to get up again, while rather foolishly having another grab at the bunny, arsed over again, as the rabbit slipped the net & shot over my stomach down the next hole. still haven't lived that one down... out lamping one night with a mate, walking to the next field, i didn't see the bank... but the dog on the other end of the lead did, and jumped off it. cue me doing my best superman impression, landing face down in the mud 6 feet away from where i started. not actually on a hunting trip, but it accidentally turned into one: let the dog out for a pee while i was getting dressed before i took him for a walk, he shot off down the track and across the field next door, got hold of a munty in the middle of the field. i legged it after him, got the lead on him... at which point i realised i'd put on a pair of trousers that were a bit too big... thank god no one saw me walking back across the field, dog on lead in one hand, dead munty in the other, and trousers falling down every 5 paces i did most of the walk back with them round my ankles!
  3. Ossie

    Who burns what?

    mum has got a clearview stove in the front room, and a little victorian bedroom fire in the living room. she burns a mix of coal & wood, coal at the bottom to keep it going, logs on top. it does make the glass on the clearview not very clear though! dad scrubs it with a sponge scourer covered in god-knows-what, and he's scratched the glass to buggery! i found vinegar & newspaper does the job beautifully without damaging the glass. but dad knows best... since the back boiler on the stove cracked they've just been leaving all the doors open, and it heats the house better than when the radiators where going! the little fire heats the living room well, but there is a bit of a draught up through the floorboards. when i get a bit of time i'm going to knock up a little system to draw the air straight in from outside via the air brick. should sort that out. wood-wise, they burn anything they can get their hands on. used to be bits of furniture when dad could get a good supply of free stuff from the auction house he works for. but that's no longer available, so it's mainly well-seasoned wood harvested from the trees round the garden, ash, sycamore, whatever needs a prune. had all the bloody great big lleylandii's cut down 4 years ago, still burning some of that. i've just moved into a new flat in the village, first time in my life i've had central heating, with thermostats & timers & stuff! air-source heat pump, it's a bit swish. but it's electric, i'm not keen on that. mainly because i have to pay for it! and it took me 2 hours to work out how to turn it on, set it up, and work out why the radiators weren't getting hot... My last place had a little woodburner, and i had a constant supply of pallets from the factory i worked at, so i burnt them. but the went up pretty quick, i had to sit next to the fire chucking a lump in every twenty minutes. nearly burnt the kitten, stupid thing would try to climb in. she's 5 now & still has no fear of fire, walked over a just-lit bonfire & burnt all the fur off her tail... only problem with that woodburner was that my dozy landlord didn't install the chimney properly, it was venting fumes back into the living room. i don't recommend slow carbon monoxide poisoning to anyone!
  4. no bud this is a coyou. how old is that pic & where was it taken? got a few mates in Coypu Control who'd be interested in that!
  5. where's Ditch when you need him? anyone remember the "King Rat" competition he started a few years ago? i had to start packing a tape measure when i took the little dog out for a stomp. He'd have had that photo analysed, (and disallowed!) in minutes!
  6. Ossie

    Jokes! Suitable one's this time!

    minority? there's billions of them!
  7. the guy flogging blue blankets must have made a mint...
  8. Ossie

    anyone ever been on TV

    Same here mate.....I was asked years ago when the bird flu thing hit Fife. I declined to go on the Scottish news. My Grandad did though. he must have been some age ??????????????? i believe that LAZYBASTARD is subtly calling you an old git.
  9. Ossie

    anyone ever been on TV

    got dragged off the streets of norwich & into the Anglia TV studios to make up the numbers in the "Trisha" audience a couple of times. had a small part in a Danny Dyer film a few years ago, that's the biggest thing i've done so far.
  10. Ossie

    making money

    i was brilliant at that kinda thing when i was a kid, made a mint flogging crap at school. out of date fishing glow lights off the army surplus stall at the booty, 10p each, flogged em at school discos for a pound, went home with £60+ in my pocket every time. me & my bro were always getting in trouble for our dodgy dealings. seem to have lost my touch as i've got older... stuck with a 5'x9' persian rug rolled up in my hallway... it'll probably end up in my bedroom...
  11. Ossie

    fu*king vet

    because she said one tab once a day which she also stuck on the front of the box. Then i looked back in the box an realised there was an extra 5 tablets. Alarm bells started ringing so i called the vets up an the silly cow just said sorry my mistake it was ment to be 2 tabs a day not one!!!!! so, hang on, what you're saying is, if i understand the above-quoted statements correctly, when you called the vet she said "sorry, the dog should be having 2 tablets a day", you had enough to give her 2 per day, but you're only giving her 1 tablet per day, and complaining about wrong dosages? nope, i'm confused now.
  12. yep, that does it for me too. the train bit reminds me of what happened to a good friends beddy/whippet pups, i find it hard to watch now...
  13. Ossie

    How'd you come up with your pets name

    my best friend is a teacher, and once temporarily looked after a lassie collie that belonged to one of her pupils parents. it was called Tiggy. she used to walk her & couldn't work out why she wouldn't come when called, til she walked the dog with the owner... my friend shouted "Tiggy!", no response. the owner shouted " Here Tiggy-wiggy-woo-oooooo!" and the dog came back. my friend decided to keep the dog on the lead after that, and was very glad when the owner was able to take the dog back!
  14. Ossie

    things you've done whilst pissed?

    one of the mates......we hear ye..... So he p-p-p-p-p-p-p-icked up a penguin.... definitely wasn't me. i just used to get drunk & pass out on the picnic tables outside the pub. far too lazy to cross the road, climb a fence, walk through the zoo, climb into the penguin enclosure, catch one, and then do the whole lot in reverse with a penguin under my coat!