Popular Post baw 4,360 Posted December 21, 2012 Popular Post Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 A Christmas tale The 3 wise men, Baw, Lab and Tomo decided to walk the west highland way 4 days before Christmas. Baw had his mates 3/4 collie cross, Lab had his over weight lab and Tomo never brought a dog since he thought hunting was cruel after his recent episode releasing a fox from a fence. They were planning to spend Christmas in Fort William so time was of the essence. In Baws rucksack was meal for the dog, knife, otter boards, a change of clothes, sleeping bag and a one man tent. He was relying on the lurcher providing food. Lab had worryingly a 3 man tent, tins of chum, 39 mars bars, a pair of wire cutters, mirror, clothes, Vaseline, rope, bottle of chloroform, pillow, king size air bed, double sleeping bag and gay porn mags. Tomo had a pair of wire cutters, a months supply of fairy cakes he'd made fresh that morning, (gas mark 5, 30 minutes), rolling pin, hair net, tweezers, lip gloss, tampon, no clothes apart from several balcony bras, Collins book on flowers and a signed photo of Mark Brick. They all met up at milngavie and off they went. 30 minutes in lab wanted to set up camp for the night and Tomo was leaving a trail of paper cups from his fairy cakes incase they got lost. First fence and baws dog jumped it majestically. Tomo cut the fence down to the bottom wire for labs dog, fortunately, after a struggle the 3 wise men managed to lift the lab over it. As they reached Loch Lomond darkness soon came so they found a good spot by the shore to set camp. Baw caught several trout boarding which he cooked on the fire and shared with his dog and Lab. Tomo had turned vegetarian so eat his fairy cakes(gas mark 5, 30 mins). Soon the talk got around to the sleeping arrangements. Lab was excited at this pleading they all share his tent for warmth. Baw declared he was fine in his tent and Tomo wasn't keen to share labs tent so decided he'd sleep beneath the stars. Just as they were about to settle down baws dogs ears pricked up, he heard a noise. A low growl from the pit of his belly pierced the night air..... Labs dog disappeared into the tent, hiding under the king size air bed. Out of the darkness loomed the shadow of a man......wearing a claret and blue scarf whistling I'm forever blowing bubbles...... It was f*****g Gnasher on one of his survival weeks!!! Lab was pleased as the bulge in his cords got bigger. Being a southern softy, Gnash jumped at the chance of sharing Labs tent, so they all snuggled down for a long night ahead. To be continued...... Feel free to add a paragraph or 7 lol, try keeping it going till Christmas see where we end up. Must add atleast a paragraph 22 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pip1968 2,490 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 funny as fcuk pisshed myself laughing :laugh: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 You took that to far in my opinion.......no way i'd let an englishman share my tent!!!...... Oh and i'm away picking up just shortly but i will be adding a paragraph...or 2 tonight.... 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
graham4877 1,181 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 :laugh: :laugh: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted December 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 I'm sure you will Quote Link to post Share on other sites
northern lad 2,292 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 :laugh: f*****g hell Baw,am full of the flu was worth getting up to read that 50 Shades of Camo/Brokeback Mountain cheered me up that mate ATB Dave Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted December 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 cheers pal, fkn hard writing all that on an iPhone lol 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Paid 935 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 lol, good read that Quote Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 6,172 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 .......while Gnasher was snuggling up with Lab, poor old Tomo was alone under the stars, or so he thought! He tried his best to get comfortable in a masochist's bed of gorse, but something kept niggling him, and as he put his hand behind his head to see what the problem was, he realised ... to his utmost horror, that he had in fact made his bed amongst the stinking remains of a long dead ram. In case you're wondering why he hadn't smelled the rotting carcase before remember the chloroform! Lab had administered a dose of the same to Tomo in an attempt to get him into his tent, and Tomo's nose was still a bit numb. Suddenly, a tiny meteor crashed down from the sky, striking Tomo on the head, only a glancing blow, but enough to render him unconscious, and so he slept peacefully, all unaware that his head was laid against the skull of the long dead ram. The next morning, when Lab, Baw and Gnash emerged from their cosy little dens, they saw a monster laid there before them. they thought that they must be hallucinating (Gnash and Lab had done some pretty weird things with the chloroform during the night, and Baw was never at his sharpest first thing in the morning. There on the ground lay what might once have been Tomo, but huge curved horns sprouted from his head. What was worse was the awful smell, and on closer inspection it appeared that maggots trailed across the head of the monster. All three men screamed and ran for their lives, thinking that they had stepped into a witches' coven. Poor Tomo awoke, brushed the maggots from his face, and wondered why he was all alone on the hill: so he set out to find his friends,.......... 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted December 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 f*****g brilliant penny, class Quote Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 6,172 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 I've been reading too many horror stories 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Paid 935 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 Lab hadn't run far, as he was a bit bow legged, and a small fence barred his escape, so he tried to hide behind a single thistle. Tomo on looking around could see a quivering ginger mess of hair by the fence, and ran over to try to rescue what he thought was a poor trapped fox, only to find a half naked shivering whimpering scotsman. 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 6,172 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 Lab hadn't run far, as he was a bit bow legged, and a small fence barred his escape, so he tried to hide behind a single thistle. Tomo on looking around could see a quivering ginger mess of hair by the fence, and ran over to try to rescue what he thought was a poor trapped fox, only to find a half naked shivering whimpering scotsman. :rofl: Go on......what happened next? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted December 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 Pmsl paid Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted December 21, 2012 Report Share Posted December 21, 2012 A relieved voice emanated from the quivering, kilted figure of Lab as he got up from behind the thistle and rose unsteadily to his feet as Tomo approached. 'Thank f**k for that big man," he wailed as he tried to stop his bare, pale white, ginger haired knees from knocking. "I'd have fair shit ma breeks if I'd have had any oaun!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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