barney rubble

Spare a thought for all those poor lorry drivers Sat on the hard shoulder in this cold weather...Then wipe away a tear as you piss yourself laughing at all the asylum seekers freezing their bollocks off in the trailer...

A guy goes to the council for a job. Interviewer asks 'Are u allergic to anything?' 'Yes, caffeine', he says. 'Are you disabled in anyway?' 'Yes', he replies, 'I was in the army & a bomb exploded near me & blew my testicles off'. Interviewer - 'Ok your hired. Hours are 8 till 3 but you can start at 10 everyday'.Guy asks 'why 10?' Interviewer- 'this is a council job, 1st 2 hours we stand drinking coffee & scratching our bollocks so no point you coming in!'

In a failed attempt to help whitney houston before she died, not even Gavin from Autoglass could fix her crack problem.

roll on july cant wait

Yep

Wats this special drink gum gum

Pmsl

thats a bloke on mother truckers lol

Bloke sat on a bus & a gorgeous bird next to him starts breast feeding her baby. The baby wont take it so she says "Come on,eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man" Ten minutes later,babys still not feeding so she says again "Eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man" Bloke says "Listen love,can you make your f****n mind up,I shoulda got off 4 stops ago "

Paddy tells Mick, "I'm getting circumcised tomorrow." Mick says, "I had that done when I was only a few days old." Paddy asks "Does it hurt?" Mick says, "Well, I couldn't walk for 18 months!"

f*****g Co-op ran out of milk again because of the bad weather. Thankfully Doreen, my 92yr old neighbour, has loads of it piled up at her front door!

Rock fm ......

Paddy stumbles across a mass baptism at a river. He walks into the river and stands next to the preacher "Are you ready to find Jesus my son?"...Paddy says "I am sir" Preacher puts him under the water then says "Have you found Jesus?"..."No sir"...He puts him under for longer..."Have you found Jesus?"..."No sir"... He puts him under for 2 minutes..."Have you found Jesus?"...Paddy says "Are you f*****g sure this is where he fell in?!!!!"

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman, an Irishman, a German, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, an Egyptian, an Italian, a Jap, an Aussie, a Yank, an African, a Dutchman, a Kiwi, a Brazilian, a Czech, a Turk, a Greek, a Canadian, a Chinaman, a Serb, a Mexican, a Pakistani, a Russian, a Swede, a Belgian, an Israeli, a Portuguese and a Polishman walked into a pub.The bouncer says, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai"

A 93 year old man's sat on the curb cryingPasserby asks "whats up?" The old man moans "I'm 93,married to a 21 year old swedish underwear model who wants sex twice before breakfast and lunch, once before tea and suck me off twice again at night!" Passerby says "whats the problem?"The old man replies "I can't f*****g remember where I live!"

Overtime day

Due to water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced that they are closing lanes 7 and 8

hi ho hi ho its of to work i go ..........................

An indian bloke goes to put his wifes death in the local paper, they tell him its £1 a word. He only has £4 so he says to put in, "Sanjit Patel is dead", they take pity on him and tell him he can have another 4 words free, he said , thanks, put in, "Sanjit Patel is dead, Nissan micra for sale"!

is going to the beer bash with Jonty Simpson may the fun begin.................

top ten wedding first dance songs plz...............

peah soup........................

Girlfriend sends a text to her boyfriend: If you are sleeping send me your dreams!If you are laughing send me your smile!If you are crying send me your tear drops!Bloke texts back:I am having a shit, do you want me send you that !

Couple sat watching tv, Husband keeps flicking channels,Golf,Porn,Golf,Porn,Golf,Porn,Golf,Porn,Wife says "for fucks sake leave it on porn, you know how to play golf"

A wise man once told me; "Ignore anything that comes out of a woman's mouth, unless of course it needs wiping and putting back in your trousers."