smithie

my wife used to punch me in the face when she orgasmed. i didnt mind too much until i found out she was faking them

just bought my girlfiend some crotchless knickers for haloween - nothing sexual i just thought she would get more grip on her broomstick

quality goal http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZyLovwjPAg

breaking news: john terry has denied racially abusing anton ferdinand. however he has not ruled out shagging his wife

1-6 unbelievable

1-5 unbelievable

5 -1 unbelievable lol

last night i told my mate that ive been shagging his wife. he looked me in the eye and said "are you serious?". i said " no, nothing like that its just sex"

just been stoped in the street by a lady doing a survey. she asked me what i knew about dwarfs.. i said " very little"

took a girl home from the pub last nigh and ended up falling asleep on the sofa... must have drunk her drink by mistake

all we need now is for iphones to start playing up and we will have the dream headline : Apple and Blackberry crumble

a recent survey found that 1 in 3 women were just as stupid as the other 2

i met a dutchman yesterday with sat nav built in to his shoes....... furking clever clogs

cant belive its taken all these years to be introduced to pickled eggs. i have missed out

ill never forget my childhood years when we used to climb in to tyres and roll down hills.. ah they were good years

a team of irish commandos have been sent in to take gadaffi out, so far he's been to the cinema twicw an tomorrow there going bowling

i was stood at the bar with this little chinese guy stood at the side of me. i asked "do you knowkung fu ?" he replied " why the f**k did you ask me that.. is it because im chinese?! "no"i said "it because your drinking my pint you little c**t"

laying in bed with the wife, i looked at her eyes and said "seeing your face reminds me of the lottery." "because im worth millions to you?" she said "NO" i said " i wish you would f*****g roll over"

its bothered me for some time now and i cant decide. what i want to know is.. is joe brand and john sergent the same person?

i raised the fire alarm at the circus yesterday. the dwarfs were not happy

does anybody knoe the name of the big pakistani dogs?

my mate paddy's done some looting in argos, hes got 500 catalogues if any body wants one.

come on city

suprised at the amout of roadkill there is at the minute

Rupert Murdoch says he has been touched by messages left on Amy Winehouse's phone.