My wife and I had a huge row last night, she called me gullible and said I was "financially irresponsible."
I can't wait to see her face when I tell her I've just won the Nigerian lottery.
My girlfriend asked me if I had ever pissed in the shower.
I said, "Yeah, a couple of times, accidentally."
She said, "That's disgusting! What do you mean accidentally?!"
"Hey," I said, "these things happen when you're having a shit."
My wife is a right darling.
She's got big f**k off eyebrows and always takes my beer and fag money off me.
Walked into HMV and the assistant sai