Mate honestly stop it I’m not saying I was any different in my youth and I’m sure I’m not the only one but I’ve grown up to realise there is no justification for the things I done and if I could I’d like to travel back in life and apologise to the people I hurt but I try to be a better person in my older age as a sort of recompense, just accept there is no justification for it bury it and move on I’m sure your not a bad sort