Banned

[paulus 26]

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Sainsbury's
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -
she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
Sainsbury's...
Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in
our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to
ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband,
Mr. Harris, are listed below and are "documented by our video
surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing
management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
Maltesers.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the
fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.'
One of the Staff passed out.

[Born Hunter 17,639]

[Malt 379]

I know how he must feel.. :

[Lab 10,979]

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to

Sainsbury's

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to

get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -

she loves to browse.

 

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local

Sainsbury's...

Dear Mrs. Harris,

 

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in

our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to

ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband,

Mr. Harris, are listed below and are "documented by our video

surveillance cameras":

 

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other

people's carts when they weren't looking.

 

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-

minute intervals.

 

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the

women's restroom.

 

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official

voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the

employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her

Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing

management to lose time and costing the company money.

 

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of

Maltesers.

 

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the

children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and

blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children

obliged.

 

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began

crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

Emergency Medics were called.

 

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a

mirror while he picked his nose.

 

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he

asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

 

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly

humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

 

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'

by using different sizes of funnels.

 

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed

through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

 

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he

assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES

AGAIN!

 

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the

fitting room was.

 

And last, but not least:

 

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited

awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in

here.'

One of the Staff passed out.

Number 16.......i'd die laughing if i saw someone do that joke....

[dogsbollocks58 36]

ha ha ha like it

[Blackbriar 8,568]

I'm sure you get worse !

[pip1968 2,490]

[The one 8,398]

[Mooch. 177]

They sell guns in Sainsbury's now?

[paulus 26]

They sell guns in Sainsbury's now?

Theres always one :laugh:

[Qbgrey 3,987]

 

They sell guns in Sainsbury's now?

Theres always one :laugh:

and shotguns

[christian71 3,187]

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to

Sainsbury's

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to

get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -

she loves to browse.

 

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local

Sainsbury's...

Dear Mrs. Harris,

 

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in

our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to

ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband,

Mr. Harris, are listed below and are "documented by our video

surveillance cameras":

 

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other

people's carts when they weren't looking.

 

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-

minute intervals.

 

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the

women's restroom.

 

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official

voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the

employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her

Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing

management to lose time and costing the company money.

 

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of

Maltesers.

 

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the

children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and

blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children

obliged.

 

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began

crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

Emergency Medics were called.

 

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a

mirror while he picked his nose.

 

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he

asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

 

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly

humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

 

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'

by using different sizes of funnels.

 

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed

through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

 

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he

assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES

AGAIN!

 

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the

fitting room was.

 

And last, but not least:

 

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited

awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in

here.'

One of the Staff passed out.

As your jokes are shite im not wasting my time reading that lot

[GRAM71 29]

i saw this a while back on another forum, i've tried a few out since then, hiding in the sale rail is a good one, i've also invented a few more like "tourettes" guy, and my brother inlaw and me have posed as a couple of simpletons and started a few fights resulting in flying through stacks of tins and chucking frozen food at each other across the aisles.

sorry to anyone else involved.

[sussex 5,776]

Excellent ,had a shite day today,got a 50 quid parking ticket but that made me laugh ......cheers

[bobby blackheart 1,209]

read that out to the wife-she almost wet herself brightened up my day that mr. harris-quality