baw
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Status Updates posted by baw
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2 dyslexics in a car one turns to the other & says can you smell petrol? the second one says f**k off I can't even smell me own name
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3 Irishmen in a bar. Paddy says"My locals better than this, you buy 2 drinks and the 3rds free" Mick says, "Well in my local you buy 1 drink you get the 2nd free" Murphy says, "Thats nothin. In my local you buy the 1st drink, then the 2nd, 3rd, 4th,5th,6th & 7th are free. Then you go out the back and get shagged senseless." "WOW," says the other two, "Has that actually happened to you?" "No," says Murphy, "But it happened to my sister.
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3 sisters, Ann, Jan and Fanny all have big feet. Ann and Jan go on a double date... One of the boys remarks, Jesus, you have big feet!!! Ann replies, If you think they are big, you should see our Fannies, they are huge!!!
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4 irishman sitting round the fire....whats the fastest thing? Sean says, fastest thing is a thought, before you can think, the thoughts there....naa says Jack, its a blink, before you think about blinking, you've already blinked...naa says mick, its electricity, as soon as you switch on the light, its on instantly... your all wrong says paddy, the fastest is diarrhoea....last night before I had time to think, blink, switch on the light, I'd shit myself!!!
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a 73 yr old woman was lifted at the Chelsea flower show. She was let off with a caution but was awarded 1st prize for best dried bush arrangement!!!
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A farmer buys a young cock. As soon it's home it shags the 150 hens!!! Farmer is impressed. Luch time it screws them again!!! Farmer tense now. Next day he scres the ducks and geese. Later he finds the cock pale and half dead lying on the ground with vultures circling. Serves you right you horny c**t says farmer... shhh replies the cock, they are about to land.
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a classic
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A Glaswegian takes his girlfriend home for the first time, he says "This is Amanda." His dad jumps up and says "It's a f*****g what!!!"?
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A Glaswegian takes his girlfriend home for the first time, he says "This is Amanda." His dad jumps up and says "It's a f*****g what!!!"?
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Lol scot, I had to read it twice before I clicked lol
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lol
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lol
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A little boy goes up to his dad and says: "Dad, where does poo come from?"Dad explains that food enters the mouth and passes down the oesophagus to the stomach. There digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal to extract protein before the waste products descend via the colon and rectum to emerge as "poo""Fek me!" says the little boy, "Where does Tigger come from then?"
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A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat Things. The first little boy says, "Alligator." "Very good, that's a big word."The second boy says, "Predator." "Yes, that's another big word. Well done." Little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss."After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything." "Well my sister has one and she says it eats f*****g batteries like...
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There's no tomorrow!!
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A woman had been on the game for 8 years and was worried about the size of her flower on her wedding night so she decided to tell her husband she'd caught it climbing over a fence.... After an hour in bed the husband asked,"how far across the field were you before you noticed???"
's joke book getting an outing?
