christian71
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Everything posted by christian71
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It was the happiest day of my life. I walked into the church and my wife was waiting at the altar.I walked up to her,kissed her on the cheek,smiled..... then closed the f---ing lid.
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One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday. On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer. The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3-day weekend. So Thursday night, L
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Gold fish in a bowl
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I will give you a break for a bit lab (i'll be back)
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A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very good, William," cooed the teacher. "My mummy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidati
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Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to a piss!!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"
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4 men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, 1 of them died. The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body. The 1st man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver." The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester, so I'll eat his chest." The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal... but I'm not very hungry!"
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What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common? In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier
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Just when i thought you couldn't get any worse................... I can get worse watch this space Was the 1st one funny if not there will be more lab I worried to say "no" now..................bring them on A boy watches his mum and dad having s*x he ask, "What are you doing ?" His dad replies, "Making you a brother or sister!" Boy say, "Do her d*ggy style I want a puppy
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Just when i thought you couldn't get any worse................... I can get worse watch this space Was the 1st one funny if not there will be more lab
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Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price. The motorcycle is missing a seal, though, so whenever it rains Steve has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Steve’s girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents one evening. He drives his new motorcycle to his girlfriend’s house. She is waiting outside for him when he arrives. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word. Our family had a fight a while ago about doing the dinner dishes. We haven't done any since... and the first person to speak at di
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What do Gordon the Gopher and thomas the tank engine have in common? they have the same middle name.
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Just when i thought you couldn't get any worse................... I can get worse watch this space
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Whilst dining at a resturaunt a man was choosing his Squid from the tank. Finally he noticed a small mild-green coloured squid with a hairy protruding lip hiding at the bottom of the tank. Having never seen a green squid before, he decided to choose it. The waiter seemed horrified at his choice, in truth the squid had been passed up for so long by so many diners, they had all but adopted it as a mascot for the resturaunt. Never-the-less the creature was plucked from the tank and taken to the kitchen. Gervaise, the cook took one look at the squid and it's hairy bottom lip and couldn't
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Emile Heskey 'Heskey,' said the coach angrily after a disastrous match, 'your playing was lousy. You're a disgrace to the team.' 'Don't pay any attention to him, Emile,' said a team-mate, trying to be encouraging. 'He doesn't know what he's talking about. He only repeats what everybody else says.'
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QUESTIONNAIRE 1. You are through on goal with only the keeper and a defender left beat. The last defender is only 5'3" and seven stone. What happens next? a) You round him easily and take the keeper on one-to-one, then calmly chip the ball over his head into the empty net. B Take the defender on for speed and skin him, then round the keeper and walk the ball confidently into the goal. c The defender accidentally blows on you as he gets within three yards...and you fall over, flat on your great big fat hairy ar5e. Then it's both arms up and face pulled in th
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Come back with a new one got me waiting
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Bit slow crackpot it was on here last week
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Badger joke,,,,,,,,,,,,,? A husband and wife are driving home and run over a badger, they get out and find its still breathing but freezing cold. the husband says; put it between your legs to warm it up; wife replies ; but its all wet and it stinks, ;husband says ; well hold its nose.
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1st post where do you live obviously you not intresed the dog or yuo would of read Daidogs99 Its my dog im in south wales merthyr tydfil hes 27tts and only seen rabbits selling due to losing my driving licence
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GET the fecking mower on it then bet you a tenner you aint got one
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I reported a leak in the street where i was working to north west water they came 3 days later. Fecking hose pipe ban
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It's just clearing away here but the rain has been bloody biblical ! My roses are shot to shit now THE rest of the garden will benefit thou. Sky keeps going off
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Northwest water started a hose pipe ban on friday now weve got thunder & lighting & pissing down
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Dead funny not