higgins
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Everything posted by higgins
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A guy in a pink shirt strolls into a gay bar and looks around weighing up the talent. He spots a well built scouser having a quiet drink at the bar, sidles up to him, nudges him gently and whispers "Can I take you into the gents and give a blow job?" The scouser spins round, punches him in the face, kicks him in the bollocks, picks him up and throws him through the bar window. "Bloody hell scouse" says the barman, "What was all that about?" "I dunno - he said something about a job!"
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A dustman knocks on a Japanese man's door. The Jap says "Harro, [bANNED TEXT] u want?" Dustman asks "Where's ur bin?" "I bin on loo" says Jap. " No mate, where's ya dustbin?" " I dust bin on loo" says Jap. "No, no mate, where's ur wheelie bin?" "Hokay, I wheelie bin havin a wank!".
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A man rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed man asked if he got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?" The man did not hesitate. he said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony." The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "man, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousan
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"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore. "Mr. Jones, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do." The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Jones," the medic said. "Now lie down please & spread your legs & with both hands squeeze your nipples. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on." The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."
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An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my dick", he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that!" "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said. The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something, and discussed the problem further wi
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A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense."So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother
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After her sixth child, Jane decided that she should have some Cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory, because her bomb doors were dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with six children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab. Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed. "Who are these from?" she asked
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Ladies this has to be read, laughed at and passed on. There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this! I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this tim
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A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" The husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone." The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful." His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few yea
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An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds." When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 30 POUNDS! "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell you though, by jaysuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead dat 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doc. "No, from feckin skippin'"
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A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink Dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow so
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George Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously, he goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. I'm not sure what to do," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'm going to have to let someone else go. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves." George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and clim
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I recieved this email, thought I would share it... Sent: Monday, November 22, 2006 5:27 PM > Subject: FW: letter for married men!!! > > > > > > > > Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your mates. > > > INSTRUCTIONS. > > > > Anaesthetize your wife and/or girlfriend, put her in a large carton, (don't forget some ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top of your list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will receive 823,542 women through the post. > > > > ] Statistically, among those women, wil
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One sunny day in Spring, a sprightly 93 year old lady in a retirement home went into the men's room and called out ..... "If any of you gents can tell me the date of the Battle of Trafalgar, when Nelson was killed, you can have sex with me!" One guy shouted.."1314!" The old dame replied.."That's near enough!"
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A redhead and a blonde pass a flower shop. The redhead spots her fella buying flowers, she says "oh Sh*t he always has expectations after buying me flowers. I don't feel like spending the next 3 days on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde says .....Don't you have a vase?
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MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club? MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 Models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$90,000 MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000" M
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On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day bythe door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walk past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten"? So God agreed. On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you atwenty-year life span. The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten
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Fruit Polos A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first year schoolchildren, using a bowl of fruit Polo's. He gave all the children the same kind of Polo, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colour and flavour. The children began to say: "Red............cherry," "Yellow.........lemon," "Green..........lime," "Orange........orange." Finally the professor gave them all honey Polos. After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste. "Well," he said "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes
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A man wakes up one morning to find a Gorilla sitting nonchalantly in a tall tree in his garden. Perplexed, the man opens his yellow pages and sure enough finds a listing for Great Gorilla Catchers. He calls the number and the helpful operator tells him to sit tight and wait for the catcher to arrive... Some time passes and there is a knock at the man's door, standing in the doorway is a man with a pit bull, a pair of handcuffs, and a shotgun. The householder is intrigued as he shows the gorilla catcher around the back of the house, where the gorilla is still relaxing in the tree. 'OK' says t
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A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, "Mary. Mary." "Is that you, Fred?" "Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "What's it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After s
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I have a run which is approx 8 foot square but most of the time i let them have the run of the garden which is 30 foot x 20 foot and they don't seem to use the full garden,they prefer to wait at the back door to come in!I don't think it is critical as if they are in the run they will just wait to be let out for walks and a runaround,if they are taken out regularly for walks or work then you could get away with a smaller run,but if confined then they would need more area,just my thoughts on this, Higgins.
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there will be some walking/fitness training required for this walk if you are a novice, so a recommended two months training is what should be aimed for before taking this challenge up.There is no official closing date as such,but anyone who is participating should observe the minimum training period of 2 months,so around the end of April is the final time for anyone to get involved,atb, Higgins.
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I'm considering walking the full Pennine way in June just for the hell of it,but may raise funds for a charity if i can find sponsors,if anyone is interested in joining me please pm me.Whichever way it works out,i'll have accomplished something that time has not allowed me,and the other good benefit is i may raise some money for a worthwhile cause (charity to be decided on later),this will be posted on a few forums to see if it generates enough interest,i think it will get a few people interested in doing the walk(approx 2 weeks)but whatever the outcome i'll still do the walk solo or with
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good weekend in bonnie scotland
higgins replied to terrier.2's topic in Earthdogs & Working Terriers
ould looks like you had a good time there,what dogs are you working?Had some great and not so great times in Scotland, but i sure would go back up again!What area were you in? Higgins -
it does the job but a think the old deben far cheaper and simple to use the bellman and flint for instance one minute it tells you you dog is 0.9 then the next it says 12.9 now how the hell can a terrier move as quick as that under ground a dont think its possible today we were out and a was getting pisst off with the bellman the arrows were all oveer the place a think the box had a mind of its own give me the deben anytime its plain and simple to use have you replaced the batteries,it's possible one set of batteries was weaker,how long have the batteries been in use?Or perhaps it may need