Nipped Into Town For Some Dog Meat Today

[Guest Ditch_Shitter]

 

It all started months and months ago, see? The boots I wore here from england ..... well; I dozed off with my feet in the grate and melted them, basicly! So that was them f*cked. I've spent about a year and half since, wearing unsuitable and often times inferior footwear. I can't afford a decent pair of boots and, even when I made the superhuman effort and Did buy a pair of what I took to be half decent ones? They were utter shit and fell to pieces in quick order.

 

Dean O' gave me a fantastic pair of boots. They were great. Only the right one just seemed not to agree with my broad feet as beautifully as the left one. In fact, I seemed to be catching the toe next to my big toe inside the cap. Still, I loved those boots and tried to 'wear them in' to my feets requirements. Sadly, they wore me out. I had to discard them.

 

Then I bought a cheap pair of Trainers in town. But that's when I discovered the dual problems; For some unfathomable reason, Irish footwear seems to be that shade bigger than stuff bought in uk. Thus I tried a size below my norm and they seemed fine. I took those.

 

But I soon found 'That toe' was giving me grief again. Ye see, the gentle touching had led to my forming a little cap of hardened shin on the end and under that toe. Believe me; Ye really don't want to experience the excrutiating pain a tiny bit of hard skin can transmit to a toe! I was thus crippled again. In fact, I've been f*cking crippled for over a year now. I hardly get out on the land because of it. If ye read I've been out with the rifle? Know that I Suffered, walking round the tracks with that gun. If ye Don't read I've been out setting traps all over the place? That'll be because walking across the land is just Too painful for me.

 

And today I attempted about as much as I can presently manage. I got a taxi into town, to pick up some Dog meat. All the way in, I'm afraid, I bent the drivers ear about my poxy toe and how it had made me walk awkwardly for so long now that it was threatening to put my back out! I've had a twinge or two in the last couple of days. When my back goes into spasm, I get reminded of how it sounds when a grown man opens his throat and Screams! The true meaning of utter agony

 

So anyway, Gary's dropped me off. I've got the meat sorted out and popped into the pub for a crafty Guinness before calling a cab back home. Got my pint. Took one sip, as I skinned a fag, and decided to nip out the loo to lose the tea and make room for this one.

 

As I stepped into the loo, something lower on the wall caught my eye. So, as I came back out, I looked again. Sure enough, it was a very pleasent little moth. I decided to photograph it there and then, for identification when I got home. Whipped out my little camera. Set the settings. Stooped slightly to line up and Bang! F*ck Me! That Hurt! I had a knifing pain in my back that made me gasp! Fair warning. I gingerly straightened up and forgot about the moth.

 

Instead, I lumbered back out, through the bar and onto the street to light my fag. And there was Gary, now off duty and having a sly drag himself, outside the pub across the road. Gary's a brit' too and we accept bitching and moaning better than the Irish, so I thought I'd give him one last taste of my misery. I hobbled over, already f'ing and blinding about the fact that my back was now Really starting to play up. Gary stoicly listened to my tirrade of misery. Flicked away his fag end and, with a sympathetic grunt, turned back through the doors to his own pint.

 

I, feeling a bit better, having expressed my misery to a fellow human being, turned and limped back the way I'd just come. I was right outside the post office door when BANG!!! I took a .243 round to the right of the lumber spine and the strings were cut. Down I went like a sack of shit! My legs were completely divorced from my body and only my arms, braced behind me, were stopping me laying out flat so my head and shoulders would have appeared inside the Post Office door!

 

And there I f*cking am. Sat there, right on the bloody street. One leg folded under me. The other stretched out across the pavement. WTF was I going to do now?! Phone someone? Who?! I don't know anyone Too phone and anyway, reaching for my phone would have meant losing the support of an arm and Hullo Post Office! I cannot begin to express the ludicrous feeling of finding oneself sat, virtually paralysed, on the pavement of an Irish town, not even knowing who one Should call in such circumstances. I just hadn't ever considered such a bizarre eventuallity.

 

Then it started getting Really f*ckin surreal! The girl who runs the PO always leaves by a door next to the main one, which I was sat guarding. And here she comes! Locks the door - beside me - behind her. Glances down at me and, obviously taking it I must be pissed as a f*cking hand cart, sweetly smiles; " Taking a rest, are ye? " To which all I can manage is, " Yeah. Something like that, love! " And off she tootles!

 

A few people have come along and asked if I was ok. All I can do is sit there, braced on my arms and say; " My back's gone! Really nothing ye can do, thankyou. " To which they'd ask, " So, what are ye going to do??? " And all I can come up with is: " I Don't Know!!! ".

 

Well, I'm a pretty fiercely independent little b*stard really, I s'pose. I don't like to cause a fuss and make work for other people. But when a couple of guys came out of my local, for a fag, and spotted me sitting sprawled there with a look of utter perplexion on my face there really wan't much I Could do to stop them rushing over and taking control of the ridiculous situation. And all credit to the lads; They managed to help me free my leg and laid me down flat out on the pavement so gently that it didn't cause me a further spasm.

 

And that's when I was overcome by two waves of emotion. One, as momentary as it was powerfull; Utter despair. My eyes filled with tears as the true horror of my Dogs being at home, expecting their dinner and their dad being stretched out on a pavement sunk in. But thankfully, in the next instant, the sheer pricelessness of the whole farce struck me as well. Before I knew it, I was crying my eyes out with uncontrollable Laughter! Bunches of polite, Irish school kids were side stepping past, glancing in utter astonishment at the crazy english guy apparrently holding a conversation from flat on his back outside An Post! Motors were stopping for a word with my helpers. People going by, thinking god knows what, and I'm laid flat out across the pavement, looking up at them and laughing like a f*cking drain! FFS!

 

Anyway, soon enough it all became a bit more familiar. An ambulance was called. I was expertly strapped to a surf board and whisked off to hospital. Fifty F*cking Minutes Away!!! (Yeppers; Have a cardiac in my home town and ye F*CKED!) Nearly as bad as the night I came here; Our van followed an ambulance across north Wales for Hours! Blue light flashing away. Christ knows where they were going, but we never did see them arrive anywhere.

 

Usual up shot though. Pretty little nurse took my blood pressure and stuck something in my ear (?!) Some new fangled Thermometer, apparrently! Then I was left to lay quietly for some hours till, eventually, a Doctor turned up and gave me a jab. Less than an hour later I was gingerly creeping down to the main entrance, feverishly ringing numbers in an effort to get, once again, and rather more welcomely, rescued. I was in Sligo. Probably about a hundred miles from home - which ever direction That was. Twelve Euro's in my pocket and 23:00 on the clock.

 

It speaks volumes for the truly generous, warm and caring community spirit of the rural Irish, bless 'em. Inside an hour, I was inside a taxi and making my way back home. He knows he'll be paid on friday, when I am. Not a problem. But just to add to it; Having let me dash into the pub to collect my Dog meat and started back out to my place, I just said, thinking out loud; " F*ck. And I could've killed for a pint too! ". To my astonishment, that guy just turned the damn moter round and took me straight back there!!!

 

He sat and had a glass of mineral water, as I demolished a pint of Guinness. As we walked out I said, " Actually, that was genuine thirst. I have some Guinness at home, if I'd just wanted a 'drink' ". Know what he said, as we reached the motor, midnight in my home town? " Well, I suppose that hit the mark then ..... Sure ye don't fancy stopping for another one? " Get me the f*ck Home, ye mad Irishman!

 

I tell ye; My back's f*cked and has been for most of my life now. It can bestow agony and misery on me anytime, anywhere. In england, when it went, I was never more than walking distance home from any hospital I wound up in. And I wouldn't be expecting a bill, as I am now - due to having no Medical Card here. But; In england I've crawled on my hands and knees down busy shopping roads. People rushing past around me. Not a soul enquiring. In england a group of school kids would as likely see a man flat out as an oppertunity. And, back there, how many taxi drivers do You know who'd make a pushing two hour round trip, to carry a man with no money; Then ask him if he's Sure he wouldn't prefer Another pint, at Midnight!

 

Co. Leitrim. Probably the most 'Backward' county in Eire. Here we preserve 'Old' values. I Love Leitrim! :notworthy:

[Guest bullterrier]

hope your backs on the mend soon mate and you get your boots sorted.. ..john

[OldTrapCollector 376]

hope you get your boots sorted..

 

Sorted

 

On their way Ditch

 

OTC

[cúagusgiorraí 57]

That's Ireland for ye Ditch. At least the good country folk. Everyone's like an extended family. One of the reasons why I would never leave this country.

Ireland is changing in many ways. I am glad that you have known what the proper Irish folk are like.

I hope your back gets better. You are right, the hosptals are miles away.

Perhaps making an emergancy plan for your dogs, just in case something happens again.

My mother has in the past been in hospital for up to 8 months, for her back.

 

Look DS, if you ever need help,

[skycat 6,173]

How many of us I wonder could depend on our local 'community' to give a hand if a fellow human is in trouble...........not many I fear nowadays unless you live in a rural type of village.

 

Poor you DS> once a back always a back: I've just spent the last week creeping around hanging on to walls and not daring to sit down: lie flat or walk: standing is as bad as sitting! And all because I bent over to move a bit of paving slab and forgot I'd got a dodgy sacroilliac joint.

 

And this is for you young 'uns> (though I know it will fall on deaf ears for we were all young once and thought we could move the world LOL): just watch how you treat your backs, because that saying is true indeed::::"You are as young as your spine". Feck that up and your're truly fecked!

[6pack 60]

Kept me enthralled from start to finish DS . Not laughing at your misery but your post made me laugh.

Hope you are up and on the mend.

[jack_russels. 6]

ditch sorry about your back and boots lol hope everything turns out ok mate and welldone the taxi driver who was a total stranger and took you home ....oh and a pint thats what you call a genuin person not mant people would do that sort of thing in england ... its true what you said the kids would just laugh ... hope your ok mate ...J.R

[bird 9,601]

How many of us I wonder could depend on our local 'community' to give a hand if a fellow human is in trouble...........not many I fear nowadays unless you live in a rural type of village.

 

Poor you DS> once a back always a back: I've just spent the last week creeping around hanging on to walls and not daring to sit down: lie flat or walk: standing is as bad as sitting! And all because I bent over to move a bit of paving slab and forgot I'd got a dodgy sacroilliac joint.

 

And this is for you young 'uns> (though I know it will fall on deaf ears for we were all young once and thought we could move the world LOL): just watch how you treat your backs, because that saying is true indeed::::"You are as young as your spine". Feck that up and your're truly fecked!

 

 

JOIN the club, ive had mine for 30years, i had to finish work 6years ago.

As you say once a bad back always a bad back . Iam 55 now, i try to keep on going

with it , but it gets very hard at times. Bryn might be my last lurcher, if i ever did get another

one , i will go for a whippet something more easy to handle for the future.

 

BIRD

[dogs-n-natives 1,181]

Sounds like a day your not going to forget about in a hurry!

 

Good luck for the future

[Gav 1,708]

Get one of them neoprene back supports mate, I would be lost without mine they really do help.

Hope your better soon, nawt worse than a bad back, I know believe me.

Great post too as usual too, you seem to make the misery a great read

[SportingShooter 0]

Im sorry to hear of your bad back, I cant really compare to your ongoing pain but I had sciatica for a while last year and the pain was debilitating then.

I hope you sort out the boot situation and get your toe sorted.

 

Get Well Soon

 

SS

[Kay 3,709]

me and my husband drove over to the Black Country , Dudley Quarry bank area for anyone who knows the place to meet a few friends who he spent most weekends with when he did sidecar motocross , we arranged to meet at a pup & arrived on time, had a fantastic night, plenty to drink etc

 

One of the chaps took us to his house & kindly put us up even though this wasnt planned, gave us a full cooked breakfast the following morning

 

When we made our way home the clutch cable snapped at a set off lights & a car stopped helped us move the car to a safe place

 

Then another car stopped & asked what the problem was , we said the clutch cable, then the bloke drove us to a garage to get a clutch cable, which he paid for as we had about 30 bob between the pair off us

 

He then drove us to the car again & was happy for us to have his name & address to forward a cheque onto him which we duly did when we got home

 

Now i call that friendly , we were strangers in the area & i was amazed how friendly Black Country folk are

[Coney 3]

Hope your back gets better soon DS.

[SNAP SHOT 194]

Glad you now know how irish rural folk are ditch. i was born in a small town where everyone know's everyone and that's the way i like it.

need something ye'll get it. i'll more than likely pop my cloggs here too.

i was offered large money to work in dublin a few years back and i said no way.....................i simply couldn't hack city life..............

[pritch 335]

its a different world, Hope your well soon.ATB Pritch