jukel123 9,985 Posted October 21 Report Share Posted October 21 (edited) Im sat in a pub, all tartan and tat with my Mrs and whippet. The bloke resembling Cat Weasel with the deerhound, strikes up a conversation about sight hounds. He asks if my whippet has much hunting instinct. I replied that it was strictly a pet . He told me his deerhound had a prey drive which was 'through the roof'. He went on to tell me his mutt had seized a wickerwork representation of a stag by the throat. Yeah, I thought yet another romancer. Sight hounds seem to be accompanied by fantasists who tell porkies. Highly unlikely. But heigh ho, it might be true. He then launched into a lecture about the artist Landseer and the writer Walter Scott who loved his hounds. I pretended this was all new to me and got the distinct feeling that I wasn't the first, by any stretch, to be broadcasted at on this theme, and that is was probably a daily occurrence. In a spirit of comradeship which you would expect from me. And entirely in keeping with conversation, I showed him some photos of stags which had been legally stalked and shot. Damn me the atmosphere changed and he and his very chubby mate waxed never ending about the possibility of creatures being wounded and dying in agony. 'f**k you ya fat b*****d' I said to chubby what do you think happens in a slaughter house? These beasts die on the spot with no fear. Their guts are returned to the ecosystem and their meat isn't full of chemicals and antibiotics. Rifles and scopes are super accurate and efficient, as are the blokes with the rifles. I'll tell you what you pair of plastic jocks, let's go outside and sort it out like men! You're gonna need your f****n claymores and that wee penknife you carry in your skirt fatty. Well the last two paragraphs aren't true,I just smiled wearily and sat down to slurp my soup and sandwich. Mushroom and truffle soup by the way. Accompanied by a superb fish goujons sandwich. Excellent! Edited October 21 by jukel123 2 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WILF 51,584 Posted October 21 Report Share Posted October 21 I’ll give you a tip from London, you could have saved the whole sorry episode with a simple “Oh, leave me out mate !” lol 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Greyman 32,706 Posted October 21 Report Share Posted October 21 Them noodle legs ain’t never climbed a gate or walked a field in there life 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WILF 51,584 Posted October 21 Report Share Posted October 21 28 minutes ago, Greyman said: Them noodle legs ain’t never climbed a gate or walked a field in there life The geezer looks like Jimmy Saville ! lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Greyman 32,706 Posted October 21 Report Share Posted October 21 1 hour ago, WILF said: The geezer looks like Jimmy Saville ! lol That’s why jukels giving him a flash under the table lol 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jukel123 9,985 Posted October 21 Author Report Share Posted October 21 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Greyman said: That’s why jukels giving him a flash under the table lol You wouldn't believe what was under that kilt mate. Not for the faint hearted, or even a chap well versed in poofterism like me. Edited October 21 by jukel123 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
fireman 11,532 Posted October 21 Report Share Posted October 21 2 hours ago, jukel123 said: Im sat in a pub, all tartan and tat with my Mrs and whippet. The bloke resembling Cat Weasel with the deerhound, strikes up a conversation about sight hounds. He asks if my whippet has much hunting instinct. I replied that it was strictly a pet . He told me his deerhound had a prey drive which was 'through the roof'. He went on to tell me his mutt had seized a wickerwork representation of a stag by the throat. Yeah, I thought yet another romancer. Sight hounds seem to be accompanied by fantasists who tell porkies. Highly unlikely. But heigh ho, it might be true. He then launched into a lecture about the artist Landseer and the writer Walter Scott who loved his hounds. I pretended this was all new to me and got the distinct feeling that I wasn't the first, by any stretch, to be broadcasted at on this theme, and that is was probably a daily occurrence. In a spirit of comradeship which you would expect from me. And entirely in keeping with conversation, I showed him some photos of stags which had been legally stalked and shot. Damn me the atmosphere changed and he and his very chubby mate waxed never ending about the possibility of creatures being wounded and dying in agony. 'f**k you ya fat b*****d' I said to chubby what do you think happens in a slaughter house? These beasts die on the spot with no fear. Their guts are returned to the ecosystem and their meat isn't full of chemicals and antibiotics. Rifles and scopes are super accurate and efficient, as are the blokes with the rifles. I'll tell you what you pair of plastic jocks, let's go outside and sort it out like men! You're gonna need your f****n claymores and that wee penknife you carry in your skirt fatty. Well the last two paragraphs aren't true,I just smiled wearily and sat down to slurp my soup and sandwich. Mushroom and truffle soup by the way. Accompanied by a superb fish goujons sandwich. Excellent! Can see who wears the trousers in that house hold... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mel b 4,303 Posted October 21 Report Share Posted October 21 2 hours ago, jukel123 said: Im sat in a pub, all tartan and tat, with my two ageing homosexual lovers . The chubby one flashes his haggis at me under the table as we eat , then we all head to a cheap hotel room , and blow each other's bagpipes. You have my utmost admiration juke . It takes a brave man to smash his way out of the closet , in such a public way. High fives all around brother ️️️️️️️️️️. I'm sorry juke , wilf made me do it . 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Borr 8,440 Posted October 21 Report Share Posted October 21 I've always found falconers to have the tallest tails myself....as for jukel I was too trusting in the story... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jukel123 9,985 Posted October 21 Author Report Share Posted October 21 1 minute ago, mel b said: You have my utmost admiration juke . It takes a brave man to smash his way out of the closet , in such a public way. High fives all around brother ️️️️️️️️️️. I'm sorry juke , wilf made me do it . No probs bud. I've been open about my sexuality. There's a hint of masochism in there too. That's why I come on here. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mel b 4,303 Posted October 21 Report Share Posted October 21 1 minute ago, jukel123 said: No probs bud. I've been open about my sexuality. There's a hint of masochism in there too. That's why I come on here. You've forgot the insanity juke. Only slightly mental folks can hack it on here mate . 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
THE STIFFMEISTER 17,682 Posted October 21 Report Share Posted October 21 I can’t believe you never measured either of their calves Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jukel123 9,985 Posted October 21 Author Report Share Posted October 21 1 minute ago, THE STIFFMEISTER said: I can’t believe you never measured either of their calves Purple Ackie's ghost did it for me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
waltjnr 8,332 Posted October 21 Report Share Posted October 21 Bloody trannies! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mitre 447 Posted October 21 Report Share Posted October 21 Might be ok my youngest brother may give her ago it's by time be got a lady in his life he ain't that fussy as long as she pays for him and supports him Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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