STRANGER 948 Posted March 20, 2014 Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 ^^^funny as^^^ Arguing over an imaginary fart. Brilliant. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
scothunter 12,609 Posted March 20, 2014 Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 I'm no arguing lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
STRANGER 948 Posted March 20, 2014 Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
vanman1 411 Posted March 20, 2014 Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 (edited) My old lady used to drag me bloody shopping once a week,so i used to wait to she was beside me in the isle, let one go and then shout did you have to do that! she got so embarresd she dont tak me anymore......RESULT Edited March 20, 2014 by vanman1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
the apprentice 178 Posted March 20, 2014 Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 Where,e,er you maybe let yer wind gang free,,,,lol Stan, you can't hold what's not in your hand,,,, Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Astanley 11,626 Posted March 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 was that Rabbie Burns Appy ? lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
socks 32,253 Posted March 20, 2014 Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 It's like the old joke of a fella who was meeting his posh birds parents for the first time ... He was so nervous his stomach was bubbling and he could feel the wind building ... As they were sat down to dinner he was desperate for a fart ... Just then an old fat lab came in and sat next to him thinking quick he let one go and looked at the dog ... The birds father looked at the dog and gave a stern blackie out ... The old dog shuffled a bit but didn't really move thinking he was safe the fella let out a rip roaring fart ... Again the birds dad looked at the dog and even more sternly said blackie get out ... Again the ageing old must shuffled a bit but didn't really move ... The young lad could feel one more in him and thought get it out now before the dog leaves my side ... He let loose with what seemed like a never ending fart that when finished left him feeling nice and empty ... With that the old fella gets up and shouts at the dog ... Blackie get out .... Before that dirty little fukcer shits on you :laugh: ............ 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Seeker 3,048 Posted March 20, 2014 Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 Fart stories are always funny (sometimes) I have a springer spaniel which is a real bird magnet, he goes most places with me so if im in the boozer I will take him down with me and he lays down at my feet Well a few month ago the music is playing quite loud and I needed a fart so I let rip with a proper loud fart satisfied in the knowledge it was inaudible due to the music. To my horror a young bird behind me says "thanks for that!" Shed only been bent down behind me tickling my dogs belly directly in line with my arse her face caught the full gust..... Not one of my proudest moments 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NEWKID 28,181 Posted March 20, 2014 Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 A classic Dutch oven made my wife physically sick once, As I laid in bed listening to her wretch in the toilet, I had a little sadistic smile on my face lol 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
talt 878 Posted March 20, 2014 Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 An old chap is at the doctors with a wind problem. " I cant seem to stop doing silent farts " he says. " In the pub, whilst shopping, in the library and i must confess i have done several while i have been talking to you " The doctor says " Well Mr. Smith, the first thing i am going to do is book you in for a HEARING TEST! " Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Seeker 3,048 Posted March 21, 2014 Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 A man goes to the doctors he's says "Dr every time I break wind it makes the sound of somone saying Honda" The Dr examines the man and to his surprise when the man does a trouser cough out comes the word "Honda" The Dr says "yep you have an abscess" The man replies "really how can you tell?" "it's easy" says the Dr Wait for it...... "everyone know an abscess makes the fart go Honda" I'll get my coat............ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pip1968 2,490 Posted March 21, 2014 Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 I was in a queue in a shop yesterday , a long queue of mostly women ,when I was about to be served I let out a 3 second deafeningly loud fart , a proper ass clapper , no smell ,but fuk me it was loud . When I got home and told my Mrs , she was horrified and said I should of apologised ,instead of punching the air and shouting "you beauty " which is what I did ,. The question is .in polite society , what should I have done ? kept quiet ? apologised ? made a joke ? blamed the paki behind the counter ?is there a protocol for this happening ? you should have said,f**k me this thongs tight Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted March 21, 2014 Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 Could this be classed as a shitty thread? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RossM 8,149 Posted March 21, 2014 Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 I farted playing football once and an opposing player run through it and was physically sick, the tears where running down my face. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted March 21, 2014 Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 ^^^funny as^^^ Arguing over an imaginary fart. Brilliant. It's Stan's fault, I've said before he's the biggest trouble maker on here. Here is threatening to break a respected members jaw and its laughed off. Take note people, the mans a wrong un....... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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