BORDERSCOT 3,816 Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 You don't give many details ( and understandably so ) but heres my twopence worth with what youv given us to go on . Firstly , you put kids in care because you cant cope , when youv exhausted every other avenue , when its in the childs interest to be moved away from the home environment , NOT " to teach them a lesson " Secondly Its interesting that you say his behaviour is so bad , you could of give lots of examples of this I suppose , yetyou chose to mention him stealing your beer !!! Have a look at yourself mate ,the kids mixed up he needs you to help him , guide him , show him love , not just punish him . Best post on the thread...... 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gnasher16 31,602 Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 Nobody can tell you how to be a parent mate......but if theres one thing i learned the hard way its that you dont get a second chance if you f**k it up first time round so if i was you id treat this as one of the biggest decisions your ever going to make and theres nothing worse than living with a poor decision....i wish you the best. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Big bald beautiful 1,231 Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 Slighty different but... Fell out big time with my dad when he was knocking my mum about, left and lived with my mum . started visiting my dad 3 or 4yrs later , only 15 minute visits at first and then got to the stage when i could stay over night just starting to get a relationship building again when he had a heart attack and died. so from the age of 13 until being 20 i saw my dad once a week. try and make it work, im sure your son will come good and respect you when he is older. Atb 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest foxpack Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 You don't give many details ( and understandably so ) but heres my twopence worth with what youv given us to go on . Firstly , you put kids in care because you cant cope , when youv exhausted every other avenue , when its in the childs interest to be moved away from the home environment , NOT " to teach them a lesson " Secondly Its interesting that you say his behaviour is so bad , you could of give lots of examples of this I suppose , yetyou chose to mention him stealing your beer !!! Have a look at yourself mate ,the kids mixed up he needs you to help him , guide him , show him love , not just punish him . we had exhausted all other avenue after 18 months of police nocking ,neighbours nocking ,,phone calls from school..we were advised to put him into temp foster care ,,and i brought him back after 2 weeks ,,the example of the beer etc was just that a example..he has stole money off my disabled mother ,,that was the 1 that broke th camels back so to speak.,,he has mixed in the wrong circles and got lost of the beating track ,,but as said hope he can get back on track,,taking it day by day .he seems to be keen at the dogs again ,so thats a good start ,bit of quality time together .i,ve sorted his work placement out with me aso .so that should be interesting ,,lol,,thanks guys. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BORDERSCOT 3,816 Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 You don't give many details ( and understandably so ) but heres my twopence worth with what youv given us to go on . Firstly , you put kids in care because you cant cope , when youv exhausted every other avenue , when its in the childs interest to be moved away from the home environment , NOT " to teach them a lesson " Secondly Its interesting that you say his behaviour is so bad , you could of give lots of examples of this I suppose , yetyou chose to mention him stealing your beer !!! Have a look at yourself mate ,the kids mixed up he needs you to help him , guide him , show him love , not just punish him . we had exhausted all other avenue after 18 months of police nocking ,neighbours nocking ,,phone calls from school..we were advised to put him into temp foster care ,,and i brought him back after 2 weeks ,,the example of the beer etc was just that a example..he has stole money off my disabled mother ,,that was the 1 that broke th camels back so to speak.,,he has mixed in the wrong circles and got lost of the beating track ,,but as said hope he can get back on track,,taking it day by day .he seems to be keen at the dogs again ,so thats a good start ,bit of quality time together .i,ve sorted his work placement out with me aso .so that should be interesting ,,lol,,thanks guys. Good luck mate.....I would hate to be in that position....all the best.... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
duggy 142 Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 Not sure putting your son in care to teach him a lesson was a wise move really. just making him feel unwanted-unloved and its not a nice feeling for an adult never mind a child. i was brought up in care from a very young age ( best thing that could of happened ) as my foster parents were/are fantastic people but as i was growing up my fosterparents took in children for short term ( school holidays-weekends ect ) and some of the storys id heard off these children were really sad and there bad behaviour in my personal opinion mainly come down to feeling neglected. obviously you always get the ones who get in with the wrong crowds but as parents arnt we suppose to stand by our children NO MATTER WHAT and show them the right paths? i for one was no angel growing up as i got told lol but i always had [BANNED TEXT] to turn to when things got hard. just like to also add my foster DAD was my best mate and thanks to him i turned out to be the person i am today ( not sure if thats a good thing lol ) i really do hope you and your son get sorted atvb duggy. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
torchey 1,328 Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 You don't give many details ( and understandably so ) but heres my twopence worth with what youv given us to go on . Firstly , you put kids in care because you cant cope , when youv exhausted every other avenue , when its in the childs interest to be moved away from the home environment , NOT " to teach them a lesson " Secondly Its interesting that you say his behaviour is so bad , you could of give lots of examples of this I suppose , yetyou chose to mention him stealing your beer !!! Have a look at yourself mate ,the kids mixed up he needs you to help him , guide him , show him love , not just punish him . we had exhausted all other avenue after 18 months of police nocking ,neighbours nocking ,,phone calls from school..we were advised to put him into temp foster care ,,and i brought him back after 2 weeks ,,the example of the beer etc was just that a example..he has stole money off my disabled mother ,,that was the 1 that broke th camels back so to speak.,,he has mixed in the wrong circles and got lost of the beating track ,,but as said hope he can get back on track,,taking it day by day .he seems to be keen at the dogs again ,so thats a good start ,bit of quality time together .i,ve sorted his work placement out with me aso .so that should be interesting ,,lol,,thanks guys. Is he on anything other than drink?? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Benellisupernova 104 Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 You don't give many details ( and understandably so ) but heres my twopence worth with what youv given us to go on . Firstly , you put kids in care because you cant cope , when youv exhausted every other avenue , when its in the childs interest to be moved away from the home environment , NOT " to teach them a lesson " Secondly Its interesting that you say his behaviour is so bad , you could of give lots of examples of this I suppose , yetyou chose to mention him stealing your beer !!! Have a look at yourself mate ,the kids mixed up he needs you to help him , guide him , show him love , not just punish him . we had exhausted all other avenue after 18 months of police nocking ,neighbours nocking ,,phone calls from school..we were advised to put him into temp foster care ,,and i brought him back after 2 weeks ,,the example of the beer etc was just that a example..he has stole money off my disabled mother ,,that was the 1 that broke th camels back so to speak.,,he has mixed in the wrong circles and got lost of the beating track ,,but as said hope he can get back on track,,taking it day by day .he seems to be keen at the dogs again ,so thats a good start ,bit of quality time together .i,ve sorted his work placement out with me aso .so that should be interesting ,,lol,,thanks guys. dont have kids myself but my digging partners son went off the rails at 15-16 drugs, beer, fighting, robbing everything you could think of and the one thing that got him back on straight and narrow was the dogs! let him keep whatever dogs he wants aslong as hes responsible for them and encourage him to keep on hunting atb 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Huan72 687 Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 My boy is 15 now and not long back he lied at school about me and I had the police and social services round the house, I was gutted and really angry an upset........................he has his moments, no one really wants to look after him and every other day I find myself thinking............you little f****r. The thing is, if I give up on him, who is gonna be there for him. My life to be totally honest would be an awful lot easier if I did give up on him, but I cant, along with his mum, i'm all hes got. I'm not his biological father but it makes no difference to me, I made a commitment and I will see it through. He will wake up one day. No matter how tough or emotionally hard a person is, one thing remains true..............every one wants to be loved 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
whenthemoongoesdown 54 Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 its a very very hard decision, but sometimes you have to let go and watch from the outside,keep an eye on him get your mates to watch him and just hope he turns the corner, atb with your son. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,569 Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 I last spoke to my Dad in 1992 - we fell out over something so stupid that I can't even remember what it was ! In 2007, I got a phone call from my youngest sister, telling me that he'd died of a heart attack. What still cuts me up, to this day, is that he died thinking that I hated him. Don't be too quick to burn your bridges, mate ! Whatever happens, best of luck to you both. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Drebz87 39 Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 My auld boy has helped me through thick and thin and still supports me and my three bro's whenever we need it, i'll just say this when i was younger i had issues and took it out on my parents and my dad did give us a auld slap when needed, never harder than necessary, it was more the shock he actually would that caused the upset and i look back and think myself lucky he was hard on me and caused me to face my problems and man up, if you'r going to act a man take the consequences kinda thing, but the main thing was the after effect he'd always sit and ask why i did certain things(like trashing his hi lux, was only 13) and when i realised could talk about things in my life it helped and made me realize destructive activities on my part hurt a whole family and they do worry and care for me, the main thing is communication, do not bury your head in the sand, actually try and talk issues with him. dont get over mad and just f**k him offf, i think back and the thing was my auld boy would ask me what was wrong and why do these things and make me self reflect and it did help my behaviour to a point obviously i was a teenager and would still be a idiot lol. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
the_stig 6,614 Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 don't fight fire with fire it don't work had a few problems with my 2 but nothing major there problem was each other ...sat em down often for long chats its a tough call I don't think anyone can tell you what to do its something you n the lads got to sort yourselves ,,,as a kid I ended up getting shipped off to my nans she sorted me out but passed away when I was young and I ended up back home anyway --but with a better attitude ,,, Quote Link to post Share on other sites
poacherkev 64 Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 Lots have been said so all I'm going to say is tell him face to face you love him and you will all ways be there for him when he wants to sit down and talk hart to hart Good luck and I hope it all comes good for you Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Qbgrey 4,385 Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 its difficult but i really believe the company you keep can influence a young kids personality/behaviour,if a child is easily led,and cant really think for themselves then thats when trouble starts.my little boy is a bit of a live one,but while hes young i try to take him out shootin,lamping,and we are planning to go wild camping,well ill take some grub and we may shoot something and cook it on an open fire etc,i can talk to him about lifes evils while im at it.................ive not been much help but i hope all goes well for you mate. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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