Outlaw Pete 2,224 Posted November 13, 2013 Report Share Posted November 13, 2013 Shamelessly lifted (with permission) from another forum. This one cracked me up! In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.After welcoming his replacement and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said,"You must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man, God, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO,who was surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three foot tall."Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself.""Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines.I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of..."Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, the CO can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to get f**ked." 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dytkos 17,569 Posted November 13, 2013 Report Share Posted November 13, 2013 Yeah, really great Cheers, D. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted November 13, 2013 Report Share Posted November 13, 2013 I'll have the lads in the pub in stitches wi that one!! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 377 Posted November 13, 2013 Report Share Posted November 13, 2013 A man walks into his house with a duck tucked under his arm. He walks up to his wife and says this is the pig Ive been fcuking she says that's not a pig its a duck he says I wasn't talking to you. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
walshie 2,804 Posted November 13, 2013 Report Share Posted November 13, 2013 Booo! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
marky b 309 Posted November 13, 2013 Report Share Posted November 13, 2013 I'm selling an invention that is the solution to 99percent of the words problems ..........,.its a land mine shaped like a prayer mat....... The prophets are going thru the roof 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mintstick999 485 Posted November 13, 2013 Report Share Posted November 13, 2013 I'm selling an invention that is the solution to 99percent of the words problems ..........,.its a land mine shaped like a prayer mat....... The prophets are going thru the roof Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 377 Posted November 13, 2013 Report Share Posted November 13, 2013 A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pie-eater 377 Posted November 13, 2013 Report Share Posted November 13, 2013 Have you heard about the dyslexic prostitute? Apparently she cooks sock 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,568 Posted November 13, 2013 Report Share Posted November 13, 2013 Pete - that's a cracker !! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
moxy 617 Posted November 13, 2013 Report Share Posted November 13, 2013 Come on Pete.......................... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ArchieHood 3,692 Posted November 13, 2013 Report Share Posted November 13, 2013 Come on Pete.......................... Is that an invitation...........? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
moxy 617 Posted November 13, 2013 Report Share Posted November 13, 2013 Come on Pete.......................... Is that an invitation...........? Go for it. Fill your boots Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Suzy Ross 236 Posted November 14, 2013 Report Share Posted November 14, 2013 Oooooft pish. Just wondering what forum you stole that "great joke" from Pete? I'm guessing..... 5 mins of your life you'll never get back? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea 125 Posted November 14, 2013 Report Share Posted November 14, 2013 I'll have the lads in the pub in stitches wi that one!! Any chance of few haggis Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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