baw 4,360 Posted July 19, 2013 Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 Right guys just like the Christmas tale, add a paragraph or 6 and see where it goes It was the night before the night before (friday) of the big THL fishing competition and everyone was getting their kit ready. Skycat was getting her kit off but that's another story...... Stewie was so excited he was down to his last pair of boxers, Wilf had wet his last pair and was going commando.... Up north, lab and scot were also preparing, even though they weren't fishing, they thought they'd better get some practice of sharing a bed for the night, incase it didn't work out on the big day..... Scot was well pleased, it had been a while since he had someone laying under him. Back down south Mel, (Mel's wife, Mel's son, Mel's sons wife) were all getting the van loaded. Mel (Mel's wife, Mel's son, Mel's sons wife) were taking it really serious. They were planning on making it a trip to remember and had there eye on the cup. The van was loaded to the gunnels with every power bait in the shop. Socks had other ideas, his step through was over loaded with stun grenades, a rocket launcher and bags of blue circle. He even had rounds of ammo hanging from each of his 32 mirrors. His Vespa was loaded to the max. He made sure he'd left a little room for the coveted wooden spoon he so longed for. Getting his hands round something stiff of baws was worth being branded the all time THL loser to him. The layout was simple, had to be, Stewie was one of the organizers.... A days fishing followed by a ceremonious drink in stewies; unluckiest man alive (you can pick friends but family your stuck with) brothers pub. Then a night of bevy and camping for the men..... gays, poofs and school girls a night in a b&b. Although most of the lads were looking forward to the fishing competition, this was now a secondary comp to the real event..... The big British bake off. Haymin was busy dusting down his clootie, scot was trying to stop lab from eating his. All unaware of the devious plans from the jealous THL resident baker tomo (gas mark 5, 35 mins) to spoil their day. Tomo (gas mark 5, 35 mins) was the no1 fairy cake maker. His cakes were legendary on THL and he wasn't giving up his crown easy. Tomo(gas mark 5, 35 mins) wasn't the only one planning on gate crashing the party, gorger and KC, (joined at the hip after a civil wedding and some lazer surgery) saw the photos of the land and thought they'd invite themselves for a weekend coursing. Gorger cancelled all of Lucas 27 matings that morning and KC packed the budgie, trill and booked them into the room next door to lab and scot. KC being a coursing newbie, couldn't contain his delight at the thought of a day out with the dogs. So he announced his plans a week before on Twitter, Facebook, THL, Burton local radio, the Guardian, Richard & Judy, put posters up all over Cambridge and even got a good luck message broadcasted before the thunderball on the national lottery. Saturday morning finally arrived..... Newkid was picking up Johnny and raw, he'd travelled 10 miles before he'd realized he'd forgot the booster cushion for Johnny. Ohh well, he'll just need to sit on raws knee he thought. Johnny was well pleased at this arrangement. Socks had set off on the Tuesday, his loaded down Vespa could only manage 25 mile a day. Lab when booking the flights realized honeymoon couples got half price tickets so he couldn't resist a bargain. Scot holding hands with lab, wearing a blond wig and his mums best flowery dress were loving the attention on board. Everyone clapping the newlyweds sipping champagne and encouraging them to eat strawberries from each others mouth. Scot didnt like strawberries and had a face like a bulldog licking shite off a jaggy nettle....The captain announced over the tannoy that the toilet will be out of order for 30 mins so that the new couple could join the mile high club. Lab couldn't wait and dragged scot into the cubicle....... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted July 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 Stewie had been waiting at the rendezvous field for over an hour, waiting to greet the fishing party when he heard a hammer hitting tin. He looked over at the corner of the field to see a large man building a tin shed...... It was Gnasher making himself a holiday chalet. After his week touring Scotland alone and his month staying in squabble accommodation abroad, the heat wave had made him want to get back to nature..... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted July 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 Gnasher was stewies hero. In his eyes he was a boxing, football guru. Gnasher saw Stewie approaching and let out a groan..... Hello gnash said Stewie..... Without looking up, gnash slapped Stewie across the face with his hammer wielding hand. Stewie lay sparked out on the grass. His brother came rushing over to see if Gnasher needed a hand, saw Stewie and realized Gnasher didn't need his help, about turned and skipped back to his pub..... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted July 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 Haymin was first to arrive. He saw Stewie laying on the grass and thought he was just having forty winks in the sun so left him to it. He looked about for a suitable place to build his stall...... Once built he put rows of paper plates filled by clootie dumpling slices a £1 a slice. To the right cages filled with ferrets a fiver a pop. Johnny, raw and newkid arrived. Johnny took one look at haymins clootie and decided to leave his pale clootie out of site in the car. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted July 19, 2013 Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 ..................Brilliant mate...... Looks like you have covered everything. Now if you could just squeeze in a bit about you not coming because your a shitebag that would be great........ 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted July 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 ..................Brilliant mate...... Looks like you have covered everything. Now if you could just squeeze in a bit about you not coming because your a shitebag that would be great........ get it on, we are all up for abuse Quote Link to post Share on other sites
paulus 26 Posted July 19, 2013 Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 meanwhile baw was looking at his most recent photo of mark brick, as he looked his thoughts turned to desertbred. he soon had to make a decision, his life was complicated, he was having to live life in the shadows after saluki jihad had been placed on him by the the men from the westlands. just then the phone rang, it was the other love of life....................... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted July 19, 2013 Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 ....Well it was an early start for Lab...he had decided to drive down so up early and get ready to go pick up Scot. "Scotland top....check......Kilt...check......'see you jimmy hat'...check......condoms....check......"......and he left Fife heading for falkirk. After driving around the tramps, dead bodies and dog shit Lab turned up at Scots block of flats......Lab peeped the horn and Scot shouted down from the 17th floor that ge would be 5 mins. Luckily Lab had purchased Simos book so he thought he would give it a read.......after the first page he was bored and threw it in the back seat. The long journey was a pleasant drive.....lovely sunny day, the smell of fresh clootie dumpling and Shebeen blasting out on the CD player.........Lab was singing away but Scott didnt seem to like it somehow. When we arrive there was a small old man at the enterance to the fishing comp....he had a camera and he was snapping away.....he showed us the photo and it was all blurred......I had met Paulus. Looking at his camera i noticed a sticky film over the lens, christ it was the protective cover.......stupid old man i thought but glad to help him be fuzzy no more. As the comp had started all the guys fishing were under way..........we walked along the bank introducing ourselves. First peg we got to there was a small child fishing.....first of i thought it was one of Mels clan that he had brought but noticed the Liverpool top and realised it was JB...........he was actually smaller in real life. 2nd peg there was PIL........i walked onto the 3rd peg and it was Stig sitting relaxed in an old chesterfield seat, he also had a David Dickinson tan and i wondered if it was an antiques sort of thing? 4th peg i got too was just a fishing rod.....there was no one there. All i could see was a small bamboo shoot sticking out the water...."Socks?"........just as i asked Socks emerged from the water with great stealth and put his finger to his lip then submerged again....................weird!!!........ 5th peg there was a guy singing away to himself......must be Newkid i thought........"hope his fishing is better than his f***ing singing"..i said to scott. Then i bumped into Stewie, no literally i bumped into him...the wee c**t was pissed already.......he had a black eye. Seemingly he had met Wilf already....... 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tiercel 6,986 Posted July 19, 2013 Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 (edited) Wilf had phoned Baw to confirm their secret rendezvous behind Gnashers shed chalet, where Baw was going to reveal his innermost secret to Wilf....... Edited July 19, 2013 by tiercel Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted July 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted July 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 Baw had got wind of Mel (Mel's wife, Mel's son, Mel's sons wife) plan of walking down the river netting all the swims but his. Baw told wilf of this and wilf told socks. Socks rung his wife who got the next train down and gave Mel a good slap to the kipper. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
johnny boy68 11,725 Posted July 19, 2013 Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 Meanwhile the experienced kayaker baw was having a problem boarding his craft. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted July 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 I know what the problem is thought baw, f***ing Stan's hiding on the floor of it cuddling 2 rabbits and a watering can. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
johnny boy68 11,725 Posted July 19, 2013 Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 Then Mel arrived without mel's wife mel's son and mel's sons wife, he said he'd lost them at the Trent estuary. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
baw 4,360 Posted July 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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