Popular Post christian71 3,187 Posted September 25, 2012 Popular Post Report Share Posted September 25, 2012 THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN. :laugh: :laugh: After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat. I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good” Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect :laugh: :laugh: 23 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
weasle 1,119 Posted September 25, 2012 Report Share Posted September 25, 2012 Reminds me when i pulled the muscles insides of my thighs and rubbed deep heat on them,Was great till i closed my legs and it got on my balls,Ended up stood on a chair with my balls in the sink of cold water,painfull. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
deano26 16 Posted September 26, 2012 Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 Look up veet for men on amazon and read the reviews. Some of them are comidy genious Regards Dean Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TUFFTY 1,476 Posted September 26, 2012 Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 I god no...I used that poxy stuff before about 10 year ago im sure i posted it up on the site then I ended up at the doctors walked in like john wayne.Never seen a doctor laugh so much in me life. She gave me antihystermine cream to sooth the pain My god that really did fooking hurt... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dytkos 17,536 Posted September 26, 2012 Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 Funniest thing you've ever posted Cheers, D. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
albert64 1,882 Posted September 26, 2012 Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 i put it on my mates head and eyebrows when he fell asleep pissed by f*ck he woke up ran to the toilet and put his head under the tap and all his hair fell out, he came out the toilet blowing and sweating everyone was crying laughing it took weeks to grow back he still goes mad when we mention it 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
christian71 3,187 Posted September 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care) Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS. (I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.) :laugh: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
long dogs 580 Posted September 26, 2012 Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 that cheererd me up you crazy fecker :laugh: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SINDASOX 255 Posted September 26, 2012 Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. ....... ...... SINDASOX Quote Link to post Share on other sites
"Earth!" 503 Posted September 26, 2012 Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 sudacrem Wanted ASAP... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nik_B 3,790 Posted September 26, 2012 Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ArchieHood 3,692 Posted September 26, 2012 Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 That was funny ....................................last year. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
christian71 3,187 Posted September 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 That was funny ....................................last year. That was funny ....................................last year. And this year to the 10 people that pressed the like button 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
christian71 3,187 Posted September 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 Oh and long dogs and sinersox that liked but didnt press the like Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ArchieHood 3,692 Posted September 26, 2012 Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 That was funny ....................................last year. That was funny ....................................last year. And this year to the 10 people that pressed the like button Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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