Gypsydog94 4,328 Posted May 19, 2022 Report Share Posted May 19, 2022 Got best man duties next week. Does anyone have tips on speech writing? The problem I have is he asked me and I said no bother but whilst trying to write a speech all we have ever really done together is hunting in one form or the other. Whilst we have had great fun doing it don’t the stories are really wedding friendly Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Astanley 11,465 Posted May 19, 2022 Report Share Posted May 19, 2022 Whatever you say don't mention your mate has a liking for sloppy seconds .....it doesn't go down well . 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TRUEBRIT66 1,176 Posted May 19, 2022 Report Share Posted May 19, 2022 Dont wish to put you off but I've been best man 7 times now and havent enjoyed 1. Its easier if you know the audience family etc but start with the usual thanking everyone for coming explain who you are how you are acquainted to the bride and groom. Mention how good the bride and bridesmaid look and what a fantastic day it had been and If you have only hunting in common try to find one or two funny stories and elaborate on those. Try to find something funny out about the bride and finish up by trying to be as serious, complimentary and as sentimental as possible before you get everyone up to toast the bride and groom. Google best man speeches to get a idea, I did read somewhere a best man started off by saying he heard the brides mother didnt like swearing so if she would f**k off out of the room before he started that would be great..............you need the right audience for that though! 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WILF 44,300 Posted May 19, 2022 Report Share Posted May 19, 2022 I would genuinely loathe anything like that, luckily I’m old and don’t like anybody so I’m safe ! However, if I did have to write a speech it would start like this: ”So happy to see you all here, most of you probably haven’t seen the bride or groom for years and won’t see them ever again after this but you all thought free food and drink and a chance to get dressed up so you came…..don’t know why the happy couple invited most of you parasites because I’d rather drink my own piss out of a Rumanian builders under pants than spend a minute more than I have to in your loathsome company with your false smiles and pretend friendliness, giving it the old pals act while you neck down another free bottle of lager……” Try that, should be a winner ! 4 11 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gypsydog94 4,328 Posted May 19, 2022 Author Report Share Posted May 19, 2022 1 hour ago, TRUEBRIT66 said: Dont wish to put you off but I've been best man 7 times now and havent enjoyed 1. Its easier if you know the audience family etc but start with the usual thanking everyone for coming explain who you are how you are acquainted to the bride and groom. Mention how good the bride and bridesmaid look and what a fantastic day it had been and If you have only hunting in common try to find one or two funny stories and elaborate on those. Try to find something funny out about the bride and finish up by trying to be as serious, complimentary and as sentimental as possible before you get everyone up to toast the bride and groom. Google best man speeches to get a idea, I did read somewhere a best man started off by saying he heard the brides mother didnt like swearing so if she would f**k off out of the room before he started that would be great..............you need the right audience for that though! The audience should be up for a laugh. Was going to start with. ‘ I prepared a few lines earlier but I snorted them’ but then people would prob take it serious rather then a joke. My brother was with one of the bridesmaids for a while before she f****d him over. Don’t think it will go down well if I said they all look lovely apart from one dirty slapper 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gypsydog94 4,328 Posted May 19, 2022 Author Report Share Posted May 19, 2022 27 minutes ago, WILF said: I would genuinely loathe anything like that, luckily I’m old and don’t like anybody so I’m safe ! However, if I did have to write a speech it would start like this: ”So happy to see you all here, most of you probably haven’t seen the bride or groom for years and won’t see them ever again after this but you all thought free food and drink and a chance to get dressed up so you came…..don’t know why the happy couple invited most of you parasites because I’d rather drink my own piss out of a Rumanian builders under pants than spend a minute more than I have to in your loathsome company with your false smiles and pretend friendliness, giving it the old pals act while you neck down another free bottle of lager……” Try that, should be a winner ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MH1 1,805 Posted May 19, 2022 Report Share Posted May 19, 2022 Never mind best man, I'm already regretting saying I'd go to my mates wedding, seen him a handful of times in 5 years and never met his girlfriend and he's got the cheek to send a gift wish list 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WILF 44,300 Posted May 19, 2022 Report Share Posted May 19, 2022 2 minutes ago, MH1 said: Never mind best man, I'm already regretting saying I'd go to my mates wedding, seen him a handful of times in 5 years and never met his girlfriend and he's got the cheek to send a gift wish list Don’t bother, statistically speaking they will probably be divorced in 5 years and you will forever regret the money wasted on that breville slow cooker ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WILF 44,300 Posted May 19, 2022 Report Share Posted May 19, 2022 13 minutes ago, Gypsydog94 said: The audience should be up for a laugh. Was going to start with. ‘ I prepared a few lines earlier but I snorted them’ but then people would prob take it serious rather then a joke. My brother was with one of the bridesmaids for a while before she f****d him over. Don’t think it will go down well if I said they all look lovely apart from one dirty slapper You could start with: ”To see so much insincerity assembled in one room literally takes my breath away !” 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MH1 1,805 Posted May 19, 2022 Report Share Posted May 19, 2022 3 minutes ago, WILF said: Don’t bother, statistically speaking they will probably be divorced in 5 years and you will forever regret the money wasted on that breville slow cooker ! 5 years probably a high estimate after meeting on tinder a year ago! I'd be happy buying a slow cooker but its a set list of between 50-100 quid for mincing about activities on the honeymoon like spa days and breakfast in bed ffs Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gypsydog94 4,328 Posted May 19, 2022 Author Report Share Posted May 19, 2022 6 minutes ago, WILF said: You could start with: ”To see so much insincerity assembled in one room literally takes my breath away !” 1 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WILF 44,300 Posted May 19, 2022 Report Share Posted May 19, 2022 1 minute ago, MH1 said: 5 years probably a high estimate after meeting on tinder a year ago! I'd be happy buying a slow cooker but its a set list of between 50-100 quid for mincing about activities on the honeymoon like spa days and breakfast in bed ffs A handful of times in 5 years is hardly a mate unless you talk very regularly on the phone, I’d genuinely bin that wedding off and spend the money on a meal out for you and your Mrs….much better ! As you can probably guess, I struggle badly with these things because half the time it’s total bullshit ! If people are your people and they have a genuine bond with you they don’t care if you go or not, them people are going to love you anyway. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WILF 44,300 Posted May 19, 2022 Report Share Posted May 19, 2022 5 minutes ago, Gypsydog94 said: That’s a bit of me that is ! Lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jonjon79 13,340 Posted May 19, 2022 Report Share Posted May 19, 2022 "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to remember the life of (grooms name)..........." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TOMO 24,876 Posted May 19, 2022 Report Share Posted May 19, 2022 (edited) i always liked that speech in 4 weddings and a funeral ....the bit where the best man says the bride is so much nicer than his previous girlfriends as they were total dogs....and its so nice to see so many of them here today..lol (2) Four Weddings And A Funeral: Pray silence for the best man! - YouTube Edited May 19, 2022 by TOMO 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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