First Person Sentenced for 'Controlling Behaviour in an Intimate Relationship' in the UK

[bird 9,594]

14 hours ago, Born Hunter said:

Was this fella aligned with the alt right too? You really fail to understand certain freedoms and rights that are considered fundamental in liberal democracy. Lets not do the gun debate fella, that won't be an easy ride for you.

regards the gun law over there, yes i think  if they want to keep a pistol / 12g  in there home to protect  them selves from some fecker try to break into there home,  got no prob with that . but the last  killing where they had lot loss of life with  automatic  rifles  that can take out easy   15 people or more, they deff should change in gun law to what weapon  you can buy , i shoot 12g 686  and have shot pistols in the past .

[WILF 44,323]

22 minutes ago, JDHUNTING said:

I don't agree with this law, it isn't something you can legislate on imo as to a degree it happens in 99% of relationships. I think in schools instead of teaching kids they might be homosexuals we should be showing them how to treat the opposite sex and about what a healthy relationship should be like. Of course all this should be learned at home but sadly not many functioning families around these days

Absolutely mate.

[WILF 44,323]

I’ll just add this, anybody I have ever spoken to who was in an abusive relationship and consequently left that relationaship almost always say the same thing:

”I should have done that years ago”

 

[WILF 44,323]

10 minutes ago, John d said:

Maybe they would of if they knew they could! Take this thread for example. The amount of folk who read this site is pretty big so for all we know there could be someone reading this in absolute bits because they are reading what people really think of them! Taking the dig out my post above, it's ok acting the tough guy and saying "I'd smack the bitch" "what kind of man lets that happen" etc but some folk are just not like that.....I don't know why and neither do you but that's just life, everybody is different! We will all know people who have just naturally been bullied from a kid, as sad as it is it happens in every society wether we like it or not, some learn from it and come back bigger and stronger than ever because of it but some just get that used to it they accept that's part of who they are and then read some of the comments on threads like this and are to scared to come forward for fear of even further bullying! 

Now if they could speak to the police in private they could get help, there's nothing to say the police will even arrest the alleged but it's a start, even if they just arrest and caution the alleged under this new law it serves as a warning that if they continue to do what they are doing there's further punishment. I've done volunteering for a couple of mental health charity's in the past and honestly some nights, even after doing a just a couple of hours down there, I'd be up all night thinking about some of the stories i hear people tell me about this kind of stuff.....I had to stop doing the one local to me because it wound me up so much that people I knew of were getting away with evil, twisted mental abuse that was destroying someone so bad but the police won't get involved "until there's physical contact" which in one case ended up in one girl I dealt with getting beat to within an inch of her life with red hot iron after she never a good enough crease in the c**ts trousers 

I'm signing out f**k this 

Mate, there are all types of cruel, twisted c**ts in the world and the honest truth is you can’t legislate for it......with the best intentions in the world trying to legislate for that which can’t be measured is always going to be very dangerous and imho, just plain wrong !

Its a sad fact of life that victims tend to gravitate towards abusers......what you gonna do ?

One solution is as pointed out above, better education in school but if the kid then go’s Home and sees it going on at home what do you do?.......how do you legislate that?

The simple fact is, you have to take responsibility......you go out the door, you take your kids and you sit down the f***ing cop shop and refuse to move until they can get a family member to give you a bed or they find a bed and help for you.

At what point in the relationship you reach that breaking point is entirely down to individual personality and you can’t legislate that either.

Sounds all a bit brutal I know but then life’s f***ing brutal

Edited April 18, 2018 by WILF

[ChrisJones 7,973]

This article from The Guardian was published on 29th December 2017. Two years since this new law hit the statute. Basically, the police are saying they're too ill-equipped to enforce the new law and only 8 out of 43 constabularies have implemented the required training to enforce it.

In the article, it claims that 1.2 million women and 713,000 men have been victims of domestic violence in 2017. The University of Gloucestershire reported that controlling behaviour had been in an issue in 92% of the 358 cases it had studied. I honestly have no reason to dispute these figures and aren't even going to attempt to but it brings about the point we were getting at.

If the police haven't been able to enforce the laws that date back to 1861, and the anecdotal accounts already mentioned on this thread are all well covered under them, should we be creating new laws that the police are already saying they cannot enforce? Only 532 cases have been brought under the new legislation with just under 2 million victims, which is essentially a thirty-fifth of the population of Great Britain.

Again, I'm not attempting to belittle the issue. Far from it. But I can't help but think we're missing a blue and white striped elephant in the room.

[WILF 44,323]

I’ll add a little personal experience to this....

I have quiet a lot of lifelong very good female friends, some I have known since school.

Ill take the case of two of them.......both of them extremely good looking girls, bright, intelligent.

Came from nice “normal” 2.4 families......nothing unusual at all.

Both of them ended up with violent, controlling morons!

One of the dudes was overt with it and the other was the type who kept it quiet and presented the “Mr Nice Guy” image to the world.......

One you couldn’t miss but still with the other the clues were there.........

The girl with the overtly aggressive, jealous boyfriend I obviously asked “What the hell are you doing with a f***ing idiot like?.....you are so much more than that”

And despite agreeing with me, she stayed with the prat for about another year!!

The other, again despite the honest conversation, stayed with Mr Nice Guy and he give her a kicking indoors 2 weeks before they were due to get married.......guess what?......she still married him !!

It was only me and a pal pulling him to one side (and we had known the bloke himself for years) after the beating and giving him the stearn word that it eased up........it ended in divorce 3 years later.

Point being, how do you legislate for a person who won’t save themselves ?

I don’t believe you can and I don’t believe you should.

[ChrisJones 7,973]

3 minutes ago, WILF said:

Point being, how do you legislate for a person who won’t save themselves ?

That aside how do you legislate for something over 60 times in over 150 years, fail to enforce it, yet expect different results? What else are we to conclude from this other than it being a thinly veiled attempt at a solution which completely fails to do anything it was set up to do and cost a lot of money. Sounds like government 101.

These people genuinely need help. They're never going to get it at this rate. Maybe if we revisit this in another 150 years? Maybe if we make it an offence to think about domestic violence it will all go away?

[Kay 3,709]

13 minutes ago, WILF said:

I’ll add a little personal experience to this....

I have quiet a lot of lifelong very good female friends, some I have known since school.

Ill take the case of two of them.......both of them extremely good looking girls, bright, intelligent.

Came from nice “normal” 2.4 families......nothing unusual at all.

Both of them ended up with violent, controlling morons!

One of the dudes was overt with it and the other was the type who kept it quiet and presented the “Mr Nice Guy” image to the world.......

One you couldn’t miss but still with the other the clues were there.........

The girl with the overtly aggressive, jealous boyfriend I obviously asked “What the hell are you doing with a f***ing idiot like?.....you are so much more than that”

And despite agreeing with me, she stayed with the prat for about another year!!

The other, again despite the honest conversation, stayed with Mr Nice Guy and he give her a kicking indoors 2 weeks before they were due to get married.......guess what?......she still married him !!

It was only me and a pal pulling him to one side (and we had known the bloke himself for years) after the beating and giving him the stearn word that it eased up........it ended in divorce 3 years later.

Point being, how do you legislate for a person who won’t save themselves ?

I don’t believe you can and I don’t believe you should.

Its not always people '' wont'' save themselves..its having the tools to enable you to do that, if you have no money to speak of or transport to enable you to get away lock stock & barrell , ok in an ideal world you stick the kids in the buggy & pop off to the council , on the bus  they say oh thats terrible ...hang on heres the keys to a fully furnished 2 bedroom ground floor flat...dont worry about him he will never find you because we will change your name & on monday morning at 7 am a taxi will pick you up to take you to your new job & the babysitter will be that at 6 30 to sit the kiddies .... if only it where that simple .... you get the hear the words '' I dont want to get involved'' an awful lot 

[WILF 44,323]

1 minute ago, Kay said:

Its not always people '' wont'' save themselves..its having the tools to enable you to do that, if you have no money to speak of or transport to enable you to get away lock stock & barrell , ok in an ideal world you stick the kids in the buggy & pop off to the council , on the bus  they say oh thats terrible ...hang on heres the keys to a fully furnished 2 bedroom ground floor flat...dont worry about him he will never find you because we will change your name & on monday morning at 7 am a taxi will pick you up to take you to your new job & the babysitter will be that at 6 30 to sit the kiddies .... if only it where that simple .... you get the hear the words '' I dont want to get involved'' an awful lot 

Fair play, I understand life’s not always black and white Kay.

But the fact is, if things are terrible you don’t need the fully furnished flat or even a job for that matter......you need a warm bed and a meal.

From there you have police, social services, a load of charities and voluntary groups and most important of all, yourself ! 

You don’t go to the council, you go to the cozzers and let them talk to the council (and they will, especially now days)

And when it comes to people not wanting to get involved, well actually the only person that needs to be involved is you and you know who your friends are then.

You have been there and got the t-shirt, I bet there are things that with hindsight you wish you had just made a stand earlier and saved yourself a lot of pain ? 

[WILF 44,323]

I have teenage daughters so obviously this is a subject I have to consider for the future and I do, a lot !

I have been luck enough to be able to put things in place that will potentially help them.

I have 14 acres and I have told them they should work and build themselves a house of their own on an acre each I will give them.

More to the point, I told them why and we speak about it often.

I have been quiet clear in saying “you may meet a dude and he turns out to be a complete f***ing idiot or worse.....with your own place you can just f**k off”

More important than that, I have always said “even if you had none of that get out anyway, there’s nothing to be scared of.....something will turn up, never stay because you can’t see another way, there’s always another way”

You don’t have to worry about money, or a job or your career or anything like that, you just value yourself and get out no matter what.

I make a conscious point to train them to be independent so that they are never “trapped” by circumstance and I always tell them why.

 

[Kay 3,709]

4 minutes ago, WILF said:

Fair play, I understand life’s not always black and white Kay.

But the fact is, if things are terrible you don’t need the fully furnished flat or even a job for that matter......you need a warm bed and a meal.

From there you have police, social services, a load of charities and voluntary groups and most important of all, yourself ! 

You don’t go to the council, you go to the cozzers and let them talk to the council (and they will, especially now days)

And when it comes to people not wanting to get involved, well actually the only person that needs to be involved is you and you know who your friends are then.

You have been there and got the t-shirt, I bet there are things that with hindsight you wish you had just made a stand earlier and saved yourself a lot of pain ? 

I would come out of my corner & fight like a shithouse rat now Wilf  & if I knew of anyone who was in the same situation now I would plead with them that they left the situation, sticking a tenner on a lass's secret mobile so they have at least got the means to contact a confidant , sometimes its easier to have people that have no emotional involvement on side rather than family, i know how his family packed together when we split up so god knows how that lot would have reacted if i had managed to get the kids away & clear off very probably a fatwa

At least now you can search the net when you meet someone to see if theirs anything a bit dodgy .. there again if you need to that your guts telling you to steer clear 

[ChrisJones 7,973]

This article from The Independent via Yahoo. She was sentenced to 7½ years. 7 for GBH and 6 months under the new controlling behaviour legislation. It wasn't so much a victory for the new legislation as it was successfully enforced laws from 1861 that carried the bulk of the conviction.

To conclude I think the biggest obstacle here is institutionalised not-give-a-f*ckery. This new statute is nothing more than smoke and mirrors turned into a wonderful headline that shows they're really making a difference...

[WILF 44,323]

3 minutes ago, Kay said:

I would come out of my corner & fight like a shithouse rat now Wilf  & if I knew of anyone who was in the same situation now I would plead with them that they left the situation, sticking a tenner on a lass's secret mobile so they have at least got the means to contact a confidant , sometimes its easier to have people that have no emotional involvement on side rather than family, i know how his family packed together when we split up so god knows how that lot would have reacted if i had managed to get the kids away & clear off very probably a fatwa

At least now you can search the net when you meet someone to see if theirs anything a bit dodgy .. there again if you need to that your guts telling you to steer clear 

Thank you for understanding that I wasn’t being a horrible prick, the only woman in the conversation and the only one not to act like a woman ! Haha 

[Born Hunter 17,638]

1 minute ago, ChrisJones said:

This article from The Independent via Yahoo. She was sentenced to 7½ years. 7 for GBH and 6 months under the new controlling behaviour legislation.

The point I've been trying to make mate. GBH with intent carries a max of Life. This 'controlling behaviour' law is token at best in this case....... the only case.

It specifically does not cover threats of violence or actual violence. It covers emotional blackmail basically with plenty of wiggle room for interpretation. Using your intimacy to manipulate a person emotionally. Other than my view that such laws are dangerous as f**k, I still can't grasp how it will enable ANYONE to get away from a c**t. If a vulnerable individual can't find the strength to walk away from a c**t then how exactly can they still WALK AWAY to pursue a criminal investigation? I just don't get how it lowers that hurdle at all?

It's another piece of 'common sense' driven by genuine emotion and sympathy for these people and desperation to do 'something, anything'. I've had a guts full of 'common sense' in politics, lets have some 'critical thinking'...

[Born Hunter 17,638]

Hypothetically should all bullying behaviour be a criminal offence? If someone in your life, a colleague, fella down the pub or team mate etc, causes you distress/anguish by intentional acts like spreading rumours about you, always making sure you are left out or whatever but nothing violent or threatening. Should that be criminal?

I'm not trivialising domestic abuse situations here just running with the precedent. Lets be honest, it's not uncommon for someone who is bullied to take their own lives from the distress it leaves them in.

And again, we're specifically talking about cases that DO NOT involve violence or the threat of violence. Situations that you have chosen to put yourself in, unknowingly at first of course, where another person does things to emotionally ruin you.