graham4877 1,181 Posted July 1, 2012 Report Share Posted July 1, 2012 50 Shades of Chav. "As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my vel...our tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight." "It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was what he... called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time." "Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love. His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you" "As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same." "My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had ****** his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from farm foods. He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my doughy ****. It stung but I liked it. I shouted again again so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which rare as the crack normally played havoc with his erections" 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kx100 66 Posted July 1, 2012 Report Share Posted July 1, 2012 hahaa Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BEARINATOR 2,916 Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 :laugh: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
10inchsixnhalfkgsolja 31 Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 Hahaha Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dumpling 23 Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 Brilliant. :clapper: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PlasticJock 539 Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 Sounds like mickmck with his gola vest Quote Link to post Share on other sites
graham4877 1,181 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 Sounds like mickmck with his gola vest :laugh: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The one 8,585 Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 :laugh: Aimed at a member ? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
spade 224 Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 Classic :laugh: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mintstick999 485 Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 funny as f---k Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lurchergrrl 1,441 Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 I have a slightly different - but equally appropriate - version: 50 Shades of Burnley : The new best seller. "Even though he only had one tattoo I yearned for him to fill those lonely hours between Jeremy Kyle and Loose Women". "As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight.""As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stealthy1 3,964 Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MAIN MAN 277 Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 Thats a well funny topic!! i read a bit of my mrs 50 shades of grey" i can see why all the girls want to read it lol. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
trappa 518 Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 Thats a well funny topic!! i read a bit of my mrs 50 shades of grey" i can see why all the girls want to read it lol. I read it. It was ok but didnt bother with the next two. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CRAZYDOG09 14 Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 that's quality Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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