jokes thin on t ground

[christian71 3,187]

Is the next joke going to be from someone with the user name that ends in 64

[rocky1 942]

Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you f****r!"He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, 'f**k off it'll be too painful.'"

[rocky1 942]

A guy runs into an ex-girlfriend, with whom he didn't have the greatest relationship. "You know, I was with another woman last night, but I was still thinking of you.""Why, because you miss me?""No, because it keeps me from coming too fast."

[rocky1 942]

An englishman, a scotsman, an irishman, a latvian, a turk, an aussie, a yank, an egyptian, a jap, a mexican, a spaniard, a greek, a russian, an estonian, a german, an italian, a pole, a lithuanian, a swede, a finn, an isreali, a romanian, a bulgarian, a serb, a chzeck, and a swiss went into a pub. The landlord says " I can't let you in without a Thai

[rocky1 942]

A NEW VIAGRA DRUG IS AVAILABLE IN POWDER FORM PUT 2 TEASPOONS IN YER TEA DOES f**k ALL 4 YER SEX LIFE BUT IT STOPS YER BISCUITS FROM GOING SOFT

[RossM 8,149]

There are so many boarded-up houses in Liverpool, that the window cleaner goes round with a f*****g sander.

[RossM 8,149]

Ferrari"s Formula 1 team manager decided to employ some Liverpudlian teenagers as their pit crew. This was because of their renowned skill at removing car wheels quickly. At the first practice session, not only did they change all 4 wheels in 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged & sold the f****r to the McLaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed & some pictures of Lewis Hamiltons bird getting shagged up the arse.

[RossM 8,149]

A man goes in to his doctors surgery and asks, "Doctor, do you think I will live until I"m 100?"The doctor asks, "Do you drink, smoke or do drugs?" The man replies, "No". The doctor then asks, "Do you like to sleep around with women, and go out partying?" The man replies, "No, I don"t."The doctor then asks, "Well, why the f**k do you want to live until you"re 100 then?"

[RossM 8,149]

My local"s rough as anything.I went to the pub quiz the other night.First question was, "What the f**k are you looking at?"

 

A blind rabbit bumps into a blind snake. They agree to guess what each other are by touch.The snake says "You have a fluffy tail, big pointy ears and buck teeth - you must be a rabbit"The rabbit replies "You"ve got dry scaly skin, no lips, no ears, no hair, you"re eyebrows aren"t there and you"re hissing.""f**k me, you"re that paki bomber from Glasgow airport!"

[just jack 998]

a little Gypsy girl asks her mother

" Mother, what way round do i put my knickers on?"

Mother replies

"How many times have i told you,

yellow to the front and brown to the back"

[Malt 379]

We call my mother in law 'The exorcist'..

 

 

....every time she calls round all the spirits mysteriously vanish from the drinks cabinet..

[rocky1 942]

My girlfriend said to me jokingly, "My pussy is like a traffic light, if it's red I'm on my period so stop."

 

I said, "Well if it's green I'll be going nowhere f*****g near it."