RaiderBoy 19 Posted September 15, 2011 Report Share Posted September 15, 2011 Why did the chicken cross the road? because it had been so horrendously genetically modified in a lab that it had taken on almost human-like intelligence. Growing up in the lab, among hippy scientists and political idealists talking about the socialist revolution and liberation he thought one day, one day, he would have his freedom. Later that year, in an act of civil defiance within the chicken ...coop, he refused to eat the chicken feed alloted to him. As the scientists opened the cage to seize the dissident chicken, he pecked him in the eye and liberated his brothers and sisters. However, the real world was not what the chicken had expected. The rampant commercialism he saw upon his release disillusioned the young chicken to the extent that he decided to take his own life. Rising in the morning, at his usual time at 6 a.m., he leaned over and kissed his wife delicately upon the cheek, a solitary tear running down his eye as he imagined the child he knew he would never meet. The chicken stepped into the cold London morning, the frost chaffing his cheeks, the sleet crashing against his breast. Taking one step onto the busy dual-carriageway, he closed his eyes and imagined heaven.... Richard Quote Link to post Share on other sites
royal lazy boy 42 Posted September 15, 2011 Report Share Posted September 15, 2011 Young irish girl journeys to London to see if the streets are paved with gold. Unfortunatley, the streets are not paved with gold and she has to become a prostitute.........having earned a lot of money, she returns to Ireland. Her mother is weeping with joy and the girl starts crying and admits that she had to become a prostitute..........her poor old mum screams at her "You had to become a WHAT!!" "i HAD TO BECOME A PROSTITUTE MUMMY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME" Her mother starts to calm down and with a look of relief she says "Thank f**k for that............I thought you said a PRODESTANT!!!" protestant!! dickhead 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
royal lazy boy 42 Posted September 15, 2011 Report Share Posted September 15, 2011 while my wife was in the kitchen cooking breakfast,i suddenly heard a loud thud . running in i found her dead on the floor , in a blind panic and no idea what to do ,..............................i suddenly realized Wetherspoons do an all day breakfast for 3.99 lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 Young irish girl journeys to London to see if the streets are paved with gold. Unfortunatley, the streets are not paved with gold and she has to become a prostitute.........having earned a lot of money, she returns to Ireland. Her mother is weeping with joy and the girl starts crying and admits that she had to become a prostitute..........her poor old mum screams at her "You had to become a WHAT!!" "i HAD TO BECOME A PROSTITUTE MUMMY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME" Her mother starts to calm down and with a look of relief she says "Thank f**k for that............I thought you said a PRODESTANT!!!" protestant!! dickhead Yes.....usually!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 Young irish girl journeys to London to see if the streets are paved with gold. Unfortunatley, the streets are not paved with gold and she has to become a prostitute.........having earned a lot of money, she returns to Ireland. Her mother is weeping with joy and the girl starts crying and admits that she had to become a prostitute..........her poor old mum screams at her "You had to become a WHAT!!" "i HAD TO BECOME A PROSTITUTE MUMMY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME" Her mother starts to calm down and with a look of relief she says "Thank f**k for that............I thought you said a PRODESTANT!!!" protestant!! dickhead Yes.....usually!! Quiet you, or you'll feel the wrath of an angry Welsh Methodist sheep shagger next time I'm heading north... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 Young irish girl journeys to London to see if the streets are paved with gold. Unfortunatley, the streets are not paved with gold and she has to become a prostitute.........having earned a lot of money, she returns to Ireland. Her mother is weeping with joy and the girl starts crying and admits that she had to become a prostitute..........her poor old mum screams at her "You had to become a WHAT!!" "i HAD TO BECOME A PROSTITUTE MUMMY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME" Her mother starts to calm down and with a look of relief she says "Thank f**k for that............I thought you said a PRODESTANT!!!" protestant!! dickhead Yes.....usually!! Quiet you, or you'll feel the wrath of an angry Welsh Methodist sheep shagger next time I'm heading north... FFS please tell me when your heading this way.....i dont want to get caught out doing the garden with my wooly jersey on with you prowling about..... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 FFS please tell me when your heading this way.....i dont want to get caught out doing the garden with my wooly jersey on with you prowling about..... You keep your sick fantasies to yourself Lab, I wouldn't be seen dead trying to mount a scottish sheep! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 FFS please tell me when your heading this way.....i dont want to get caught out doing the garden with my wooly jersey on with you prowling about..... You keep your sick fantasies to yourself Lab, I wouldn't be seen dead trying to mount a scottish sheep! Oh and i suppose you think our Scottish sheep would want a Welshman hanging out the back of them do you.............how arrogant!!!.... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
scothunter 12,609 Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 Young irish girl journeys to London to see if the streets are paved with gold. Unfortunatley, the streets are not paved with gold and she has to become a prostitute.........having earned a lot of money, she returns to Ireland. Her mother is weeping with joy and the girl starts crying and admits that she had to become a prostitute..........her poor old mum screams at her "You had to become a WHAT!!" "i HAD TO BECOME A PROSTITUTE MUMMY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME" Her mother starts to calm down and with a look of relief she says "Thank f**k for that............I thought you said a PRODESTANT!!!" protestant!! dickhead bit strong calling the man a dickhead for a mistake. even though the joke was not my cup of tea lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 FFS please tell me when your heading this way.....i dont want to get caught out doing the garden with my wooly jersey on with you prowling about..... You keep your sick fantasies to yourself Lab, I wouldn't be seen dead trying to mount a scottish sheep! Oh and i suppose you think our Scottish sheep would want a Welshman hanging out the back of them do you.............how arrogant!!!.... Your women don't seem to mind.. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 FFS please tell me when your heading this way.....i dont want to get caught out doing the garden with my wooly jersey on with you prowling about..... You keep your sick fantasies to yourself Lab, I wouldn't be seen dead trying to mount a scottish sheep! Oh and i suppose you think our Scottish sheep would want a Welshman hanging out the back of them do you.............how arrogant!!!.... Your women don't seem to mind.. Oh come on she's fae Aberdeen......happy that a mans looked at her and not a sheep for a change ....But how ironic she's met and married a Welshman....... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
scothunter 12,609 Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 at least malt had the sense to setttle in wales,and not in aberdeen.lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 Oh come on she's fae Aberdeen......happy that a mans looked at her and not a sheep for a change ....But how ironic she's met and married a Welshman....... I haven't met a Scotswoman yet who doesn't go all weak at the knees & moist at the sound of a Welsh accent. It's like a dowsing rod for Scottish fanny juice.. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 at least malt had the sense to setttle in wales,and not in aberdeen.lol He's already said he couldn't f**k a scottish sheep........basically he was missing home... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 Oh come on she's fae Aberdeen......happy that a mans looked at her and not a sheep for a change ....But how ironic she's met and married a Welshman....... I haven't met a Scotswoman yet who doesn't go all weak at the knees & moist at the sound of a Welsh accent. It's like a dowsing rod for Scottish fanny juice.. Well i'll test that statement next weekend in reverse when i hit the bright lights of Cardiff........ Oh and dont flatter yourself with the 'moist' bit....thats just all the spitting you lot do when pronouncing your local villages..... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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